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A jam submission

The Store Before ChristmasView game page

WORK IN PROGRESS
Submitted by Yirggzmb (@yirggzmb) — 14 hours, 11 minutes before the deadline
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The Store Before Christmas's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
SCARIEST GAME#52.7782.778
BEST THEME (Best Use of Theme)#73.0003.000
BEST GAME (General)#102.7782.778

Ranked from 9 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted

Humorously humorous and simultaneously chilling! Some of the rhymes/choices/text were nice touches (scamper). I found as I went on, I tried to read it all faster and faster, somewhat adding to the tension of the story but also I grew irritated with the 'rhythm' I had been reading to in my head. Nice work overall.

HostSubmitted(+1)

I know it's unfinished, but there's an amusing sense of humor to the narrator's sense of disinterested detachment as you enter the endgame and die. "Yeah, you're in a freezer. Smart move. / No, you die / people find your frozen corpse in the morning" made me crack up. It's also a good Twine project that has some choices to stop it being too linear, a neat rhyming structure, and an original horror setting. Good job on this one!

Developer

Thank you!

Might be fun some day to write something in my "outline style" XD I agree some of them are pretty funny.

Submitted(+1)

This was a great little interactive adventure!! I used to work at a store, so this felt too real hahaha!! The different text options were fun to choose too, I liked the go back feature, not one I usually see! Overall great job!! I hope you can finish it in the future!

Developer

Glad you enjoyed! Definitely hoping to get the rest of it written soon.

Submitted(+1)

As someone who works in a grocery store, this just is too real. The real horror is the creeping crawling things during the holiday season! The rhymes were perfect and I was especially impressed as the real horror started happening but remained "in character" so to speak. This was a really fun jaunt but I was disappointed that even as the monster attacked me and my life was ending that I didn't have customers asking where things were in the store or what the price was on something.

I got through to some parts that were obviously not yet finished, but I can't wait to see what fun happens there.

Developer(+1)

Hehe. The place where I work only closes for christmas, and I've always found the bizarre quiet of the place being empty to be equal parts fascinating and creepy. I'm hoping to channel the old Goosebumps "choose your own scare" books and have the first choice branch off into two separate but related storylines, maybe with more people involved. Glad you enjoyed!

Submitted(+1)

Not only the rhymes aspect, but the whole writing structure is greatly done.  As the writing is the main thing here and it's so good, the simple style and the errors didn't make me enjoy it any less. Congratulations!

Developer

I really appreciate that! I really enjoyed working within Twine's structure, and it was nice giving my rhyming dictionary some use after all these years lol

Hoping to actually finish it by christmas

Submitted

Can't wait for the finished game. Keep on rhyming! :)