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A jam submission

OPR Writing Jam #5 - An Admiral's PrideView project page

Submitted by notimeforwargames — 18 hours, 19 minutes before the deadline
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Play book

OPR Writing Jam #5 - An Admiral's Pride's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Concept & Originality#84.1584.158
Overall#133.9303.930
Flow & Clarity#143.7893.789
Adherence to the Theme#153.8423.842

Ranked from 19 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted

I felt quite proud of myself when I figured out how the title was relevant. Great read!

Submitted

Was half expecting something like getting most of the beastmen drunk off Vincian Wines and then wandering in with spearmen and finishing off the sleepyheads. That would have been a lot of wine...

Submitted(+1)

An interesting twist on the theme! I can definitely see what you were going for, but the execution feels overly contrived. Why did Verona make that specific wager? Did she foresee the scenario the story portrays? And what drove the Dwarf to accept? I think that's the real story here, and I'd be tempted to rework it around the scene of Verona gambling. I did appreciate the restrained scale of the conflict - I always tip my hat to worldbuilding that keeps the size of fantasy armies to believable levels; even in the fantasy middle ages, 6000 troops is a formidable army. (Unless, for example, you've set up a world where agriculture is literally magically a hundred times more productive, but that's another conversation.)

Submitted (1 edit) (+1)

I need to get myself some skydwarves and finish building the rest of my dwarves.

Good story by the way!

Submitted(+1)

HA HA HA!

what a bet

Submitted(+1)

Cool story and great build up of tension. You really want to know what's going on and get to the solution. It reminds me a bit of the Two Towers where Gandalf saved Helms Deep by arriving early in the morning with a rescue force :) 

Well done!

Submitted(+1)

Very good, reminds me of the Total War video clip of dwarven airships in a slow calvary charge.

Submitted(+2)

I loved the premise. It absolutely nails how i imagined the Duchies would behave.