Play Short Story
Do it with flare - One Page Rules Writing Jam #5 submission's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to the Theme | #21 | 3.435 | 3.435 |
| Concept & Originality | #27 | 3.565 | 3.565 |
| Overall | #28 | 3.290 | 3.290 |
| Flow & Clarity | #29 | 2.870 | 2.870 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
This was a fun read, I enjoyed the characterization of Yinepu as a wild card and how it worked out for them at the end. The biggest distraction to the story was the formatting, which is understandable given the time limit. Thanks for sharing this for the jam!
I loved the mental image of the walker teetering on the edge with a simple flare gun to knock it over.
I appreciate the concept of the underestimated hero that you were working with here. The story was well-written and everything fit together nicely. I did find the description of Yinepu versus his actual actions to be somewhat incongruous; after he was described as a screwup, I expected him to save the day with weaponized incompetence, not what actually happened - although the general mood of lighthearted craziness was well-done and helped carry the story off well. Bonus points for the hand-drawn art as the project image!
I really wanted that mental image of the dog with its head out the moving car window in there, and there's stuff I didn't think of til after, such as Yinepu being more like a Jackals Jack Sparrow type. May have to try and flesh this out more.
That ending left me with a smile on my face.
really enjoyed this story, and the amazing cover!
I think the formatting may have accidentally extended the page, but a good world-building setup for the Jackal's faction (who seem to be the top faction this time around for stories!)
A good concept, but would benefit from some streamlining, to make it a bit more clear writing-wise (and less predictable).