itch.io

art elements are very good! it seems like all (or at least most) of the game elements (visible) are your own. the only visual note i have is that, on the end screen, the text (non-button) is a bit hard to read. the overall game is really fun! i think that, for the length of time that the battle can take, there could be a few more options?  (or a more varied option).

the illustrations (& the game overall) are so cute!! it's definitely trickier than i would have thought -- i haven't won yet, haha. it's not too difficult, though (it's replayable after losing). the only thing that i found (an easy fix, not in the game either) is that D is move/tilt right.

if i end up winning/getting further in the game i'll add a bit onto this, but as far as I can tell, it's working pretty well!

the strangeness of the narrative is really engaging -- a bit like a fever-dream? it's so mysterious !! it feels like it's happening somewhere between a super-vivid dream and a semi-conscious reality. is the 'not' at the end a restart-game button, or is it a looping (same storyline/not a reset point) button? (i got the safe end and noticed that the restart button is names as such). even if it's unintentional i think it adds to the mysterious events of the game's narrative.

i think having the text more towards the center of the screen could help visually? if there are going to be full-background images, placing the text more 'in' the game might work? i'm also playing this on a computer, so the screen just feels large compared to the text --  there's a way to reformat for different screens in the stylesheet.

overall, i loved this game !! it's confusing in a way that's very fitting for the narrative :)

the concept of this is really fun !! i like the way that what exactly this goose-chase will entail isn't revealed immediately. i wasn't expecting that the goose would be the one chasing, or that it would be so life-threatening. (the first end i got was being killed by the goose.) 

i think that more options during the chase would make it more engaging game-wise, and/or a timer (or perhaps a goose-distance tracker? like how far you are from the goose/death). narrative-wise, i think the concept itself makes it very engaging -- and it continues to be engaging throughout. the shorter passages/text and the minimal (visual) design makes it feel appropriate for a chase.

if you end up having time, i think even very basic illustrations (a few different silly-goose-illustrations) would add a lot to the game :)

i love that his name is Little Guy!! in general, the characters are very fun -- the way they talk and their names (Captain Mothball). i think illustrations would add a lot (i'm also just curious to see what Little Guy looks like). also, i think some of the battle-y sequences could use more choice/interaction? i didn't run into any issues playing the game the glowing text is really cool -- it adds to & fits with the ghost aspect (it also just makes it easier to read). the text-styling in the game adds a lot, and it helps visually in longer passages :)

the concept of the oxygen loss is really cool — i kind of wish more was done with it? maybe the options/abilities of the character could be affected. i think implementing it more throughout the game would give it the a sense of urgency throughout (or, while the oxygen is draining).  i think it’s only necessary when the oxygen is running out, but i just love this mechanic  :)

i didn’t really notice any issues in the game. the only thing i noticed was that the oxygen continues draining at the end-screen. idk if it effects anything if it runs out (with it being an end-screen)?

I think having this game all take place in a single location helped a lot (time-wise) the story feels complete, and all of the elements do a good job at creating the environment. the pixel-y style fits the game very well with the limited adventure-in-a-castle, and i think extending this to the font would add a bit to the overall look (the current font is very smooth/detailed). 

there may be a way to use arrows as directions? not sure how that would work in twine. i also don’t think it’s needed, just a random thought.

the end screens make the game feel more complete & polished. (i also just love the artwork for them. :) )

fade-in text makes the dialogue easier to read & gives a better sense of timing. i think something with the fade-in text function makes the text 'visible' before it's visible? (links are click-able before they visually appear).

the narrative is overall well-paced. i think the dialogue starts revealing more & escalating more in a way that feels realistic - it doesn't feel as if the story is rushed or that parts of the dialogue are only there to move the story along. makes for an engaging story. the first ending i got took a major turn - it was a bit confusing but i think keeping it this way is fitting with the events of the narrative. there was enough to get an idea of the ending while keeping it confusing enough to fit the character's own confusion. 

the background switch is kind of subtle (which i think works) but it adds a lot to the overall mood. whenever you do add music, i think adjusting the volume at certain points of the story would also add a lot to the mood.

i loved the visuals! all of the elements feel like they fit the game, and the title-page illustration especially fits into the text really well. overall, the more minimal design makes it easier to read :)

i think an end-screen between the game's end & returning to the title page may help it feel more complete? (less looped? idk how to put it)

the idea of being either the kid or the kite is something i wouldn't have thought of - this option of  character choices does a really good job at setting the overall tone of the game. i think, if you were to expand on the narrative a bit more, leaning into the places these 'characters' would go & see (and how - perception-wise) would be really interesting. 

the title itself is pretty ominous - especially with the warnings at the beginning. the narrative is very mysterious -- the options given with a lack of context make it even more so. some of the options given also feel very ominous (concerning the character's backstory). idk if in some/one storyline it's clarified a bit, but it makes me very curious! :)

the day/night background switch helps a lot with pacing? it gives a better sense of time passage (and in general visually fits the ongoing narrative). 

the only issue (not really an issue -- it's super minor) i found was a formatting error with the italics. i wish i remember where exactly it was, but it was in one of the daytime passages.

very tiny suggestions?: for the daytime maybe use a bit of a less-white-white? it could 100% just be me (light sensitivity). also some of the images were a bit jumpy for me (i think they were re-loading each time). idk what method you were using, but i had something similar happening when i displayed a different passage within the passage -- i switched it to click-replace and it stopped (but it also had no images, and it also made my passage & event-map kind of confusing to look at).

i love the style of the whole game! all the visual elements feel fitting of the story, and work well together. it makes the game feel more polished. i think the text-box scrollbar is the only thing that doesn't fit the (visual) theme that well, but it's pretty minor so it's not distracting.

the only issue i had was (also) stuck in the mayor's office (before reading here). i also noticed the text/dialogue with the duck-bartender '...' goes a bit fast? it may be formatting (i think? the typewriter-style timing is based on character-spaces and not dimensional space?)

visually the game is really strong, but i think the dialogue (& internal monologue) was my favorite part of the game. it's very cleverly written & the tone is well-balanced. it fits the theme of the game perfectly :)

(i also just realized that the whole game-page is customized as well -- neat!)