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punishedhag

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A member registered Sep 03, 2019 · View creator page →

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tbh I'm pretty solidly still at the point of not being established enough to be paid for my work, so i'm honoured you'd consider giving me money for writing lol! IE If i'm not doing anything else i'll help out for free because I mainly need project experience at this point

Yo this is amazing!! I love dungeon crawlers but the way you combined that with an ARPG combat system is awesome and and the music and graphics look perfect. It really feels like a forgotten PSP classic. I'd love to help make this a full game, even though i'm only a writing person lol. I really hope you continue it! Be proud, this feels like a gem!

It looks really lovely, congrats on launching it!

Pick the third option each decision choice!

Oh yeah i just switched it recently since the jam is over. it's https://twitter.com/PowerfulHag

Aww, that was really cute. When I was playing it I thought "ah this is a really sugary, fluffy game", and it was, complete with goofy jokes and so on, but then when the characters talked about themselves it came across really nice and earnest yet still fit into the game's overall cutesy tone. Good job! Obviously it's pretty short but as a gamejam game it was a good experience. One thing tho- in the true end, Yuki says(SPOILER) "I can't pick between the four of you" which uh, made me think some huge plot twist was coming. Was that a typo or did I miss something? Regardless, had a lot of fun.

So I like the mood and the procedural generation, and the windows and endless walking all had a wonderful feel to it. But I have a big problem- there's no carpets! I used to get shipped all over the place through airports as a kid and I have so many memories of chilling out on various airport carpets. I guess it depends on the airport and also the area of the airport, but yeah if there was like some weird little rest area that was carpeted and popped up every few miles of walking that'd be perfect. Still, really good job!

Just going to give this a bump as we approach the end if you want proofreading or script advice now that your game's getting closer to being finished, I'm still available!

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Hi, I'm Hag. You can see the games I've written here. Since I'm not doing an entry for Nanoreno this year I thought I'd offer my help to anyone who's looking for assistance with the writing for their game. Obviously English is a subjective, flexible language and there's no  "right" way to write, but if you're perhaps unsure of your game's clarity or narrative structure I may be able to help.

I can do very basic, simple proofreading or detailed storytelling advice, what you want me to do for you is entirely up to you and you're free to choose not to take any of my suggestions. I won't be upset, don't worry. 

I may be able to help more than one project depending on the workload, but with the short timeframe of Nanoreno it's possible I may get squeezed. Also I can't write the whole thing for you!

But yeah, if you're at all interested in writing help, feel free to drop a line. If you wanna talk to me in private you can reach me by DMing on twitter https://twitter.com/PunishedHag

Really pretty artwork and music! I liked the bulk of the story a lot, the protagonist's personal trauma and anxiety is well-characterized and the princess is very cute and endearing in getting through her barriers. I was a bit confused at some points because of how the text boxes show the name of the speaker then don't, but I think that might have been intentional?

That said I found the endings themselves a bit abrupt, in that two of the good endings don't really resolve their current problems nor really discuss any future prospects, and one of them has an IMO unfitting CG that makes it look way happier than the protagonist was feeling. In fact I think you could take that CG and attach it to the "last stand works" ending by adding a transition fade and a "A few weeks later we held a ceremony" line to add a little bit of depth, maybe? The ending that felt the most complete was the escape ending, in terms of discussing the prospects of the characters and showing them conclusively following that path. Of course, I understand the time and development constraints for a game jam! I'm just trying to explain how I felt. Again, I really did like the bulk of this game, the interactions and themes were A+, and I love witches in general (even wrote a VN about them too) so this is definitely a big win for me. 

Best wishes and great job!

Well I went through all three parts of the story, so I'll put my thoughts here- I think the story's pretty interesting so far, the characters are interesting and relatable. Rika's a good lead with how her internal dilemnas and issues keep mirroring the things around her, and the over-arching mystery is unique but still, uh, mysterious. Guess I'm waiting for more in the future.

As to the mechanical aspects, I think overall the writing's very good and flows well, the dialogue is snappy. Only thing is how San uses full stops/periods for all her sentences- I understand the internal logic of making her blunt and as if all her words are statements, but I think it kinda reads awkwardly and can make it a bit muddled. Also, I think it'd help if you added a visual effect filter over the backgrounds you use to help unify the feel of the VN a bit more, they feel a bit mismatched and it'd let you obscure some of the more visible details in an artsy way. YMMV, of course


apart from that it was really good! I'm looking forward to the next installment!

Really well-made game! The art was very nice and vibrant and the music was really powerful. The UI was good, however I think while having the boxes' pattern? change for the character was a good idea, having Bea's one be bright and orange/yellow makes it a bit jarring when it flickers back and forth- i would have made the box the same colour but given it like, an orange tint to it so it's less on-off.

The writing was good and emotive though sometimes I feel like the game was using present-tense when past-tense would have fit better, this is just my personal opinion as a writer tho. It's not a big deal.


I'm a bit of two minds on the story, I'll use Rot13 as a cipher to avoid spoiling it for people who haven't played the game yet: 

Ng svefg V gubhtug guvf jnf fbeg bs gur rcurzreny "fcvevg bs jvagre" nepurglcr naq guhf jbhyqa'g unir n unccl raqvat fvapr Pnzryyvn jbhyq or zber bs na vapbecberny orvat vapbzcngvoyr jvgu uhzna rkvfgrapr. Gura jura fur hairvyrq gur erq rlrf naq funec grrgu V jnf yvxr "bu ubg", ohg gura "Nu fb fur'f npghnyyl n culfvpny perngher jub qenvaf obql urng, gung pbhyq zrna guvf frggvat unf zber ovbybtvpny-bevragrq ynjf, naq fb jr pna trg n unccvre, znlor inzcver-rfdhr raqvat sebz guvf". Ubjrire gung qvqa'g unccra naq vg frrzf zber gb or gur sbezre fcvevg bs jvagre guvatf, fb V jnf n ovg pbashfrq. Guvf vf whfg na vqvbflapengvp dhvex bs zvar, ohg V svther V'q whfg gnyx nobhg vg.

V nyfb srry gung gurer pbhyq unir orra nabgure fprar ng gur raq? Univat Orn punetr onpx vagb gur sberfg naq abg svaqvat Pnzryyvn vf gentvp, ohg yvxr, V srry yvxr znlor fur pbhyq unir yrsg n zrffntr be fbzrguvat, be Orn pbhyq unir gnyxrq zber naq erfbyirq ubj fur'q qrny jvgu guvf, be znlor gurer pbhyq or na rcvybthr jvgu Orn nsgre gur perqvgf- v jnvgrq nebhaq ohg whfg jrag onpx gb gur raqvat. V thrff vg'f whfg zl crefbany cersrerapr sbe fgbevrf yvxr guvf, bs fnq ebznapr, gung gurl raq jvgu fbzr fbeg bs ersyrpgvba ba jurer guvatf tb sebz urer sbe zl vzntvangvba gb jbex jvgu- zberfb jvgu fubeg fgbevrf yvxr guvf orpnhfr V svaq gurl'er zber pbaqhpgvir gb uvagf naq pehzof.


Of course, your writing style is your own and your decisions on when a story ends and how it ends are yours, and for my issues I still think it was very effective. You should be proud! Great work, it's a shame you missed out on the Yuri Jam time period for the advertising boost because I feel like this definitely would have gone over really well.

Yeah, I think if you wanted the story to have a natural pace it'd essentially need to be twice as long. Most of the new content would be after the "confession" and there'd be significant turmoil before it resolved.

The main thing is that the protagonist would as depicted probably be utterly destroyed if things didn't go well and writing that would make the story even heavier, so I'd probably need to flesh her out further by balancing her emotions and sort of moving her anxiety and loneliness to a back row, where it's less all-consuming and more gradual, that way she'd appear more resilient to disaster. Problem with that is she'd probably be less sympathetic and take more time to become so, in order for the climax to hit her more, which again would make it longer!

These are all kind of excuses for the story not being long or elaborate enough, but I can just blame the game jam for that, which is easier than blaming me playing videogames instead of writing 👍 Glad you enjoyed it anyway!

Oh that was pretty cute. Has that pleasant rpg vibe to it. I hope you continue the story!

Well it was very cute, the art was nice, and the situation was mood, but it felt way too short to really get into as a story. Switching back to the protagonist's perspective the next day as some kind of epilogue might have helped ground it a bit more in place. Don't get me wrong, everything here was good quality, just needed more of it, IMO, so don't be discouraged!

That was pretty silly and cute! The more, uh cartoony powers and the sandwich stuff really reminded me of like oldschool nick cartoons or those old disney channel ones with the goofball horror but for kids settings, but here it's repurposed into a modern adult space, though only in the sense where "adult" means things with like, ethical and societal gravitas rather than anything solid. 

big words aside yeah, nice little read about the thoughtspirals that people have in relationships, how good it is to talk things out, and also how rozen maiden is p cool.

That was a nice little story, though it felt more like a concept for a larger one and I think that's your intent judging by what you wrote above. It took a little bit for me to understand how the protagonist's power work but it makes sense after you get it, and the characters were nice and it felt like you were trying to get across the positive reinforcement from one character to the other if you understand what I'm trying to say. 

The art was nice and the music was very moody and a good choice, my only issue is it felt like some of the choices were superfluous to the flow of the story, I understand the multiple endings but it didn't feel like there was much point doing anything outside the obvious? And also it could have used some editing, I noticed some really redundant word use and a spelling error.

Still, I enjoyed it. Looking forward to seeing you expand on this in future, if you do.

Nice game! The art is really pretty, the character designs remind me a lot of like, nakatani nio's works? The story was fairly chill but that's fine cuz of what the feel of the game was. I think maybe introducing the PoV shift came a bit late and you could have had a bit of it from Romi's PoV earlier, as it was fairly short too. Also it felt like the text in the text box was a bit too small as opposed to the size of the box itself which felt a bit odd. I didn't see an option to make it bigger.


Minor issues aside I quite liked it, good job!

Thanks so much for your response! I'm glad it meant so much to you. As to your advice you're quite right, I'll put in a content warning to the game description!

Thank you for your comment! The game is a product of four people, I just wrote it. Our names are in the description on the page and in the about section in the game!

From what I've seen it's completely fine to set out ideas, plans, sketches, drafts and so on ahead of the start date. The idea is you produce the final assets during the jam period but of course since the creative process is full of constant reiteration it's impossible to really draw a line between one phase and the other. 

I really liked the first episode. The characters were endearing and you've set up a fairly good premise. I think my favourite part is the very serious faux-umineko scary bit with 03 followed up by Lucy still not realizing they're robots and 01 being like "wow you really don't get it yet"


The art and music is really nice too, it all feels cohesive and easy to read and play. Good job! I linked it on my twitter as well so hopefully you get more players soon.

Hey, this was pretty cute. I like the choice of protagonist over using the "protagonist" since it's nice seeing the isekai archetype from the outside. Good luck with your next project!

Thank you for your comment! The other one is a lot less technically-competent than this one as it was just me making it. I hope you manage to find some enjoyment in it, nevertheless!

yeah, I'm pretty bad with technology so I tried to keep it simple on purpose. Next time I enter the jam i'll try to have character art and so on to make it more VN-like. Thanks for the praise.

Thanks. I mostly spent the dev time figuring out how to make code work, so now that I (hopefully) understand the basics I think in future i'll be able to do something more elaborate.