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KoptenOwl

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A member registered Aug 07, 2019 · View creator page →

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No prob, thanks for taking this so well lol; a very popular VN has a very wrong bit in it but didn't like me correcting it.

But yeah, although no country speaks it as a language, it's very useful as a bridge to learn romance languages and for learning grammar in general, as it's very systematic. 

Cool! Just wanted to give you a heads up that it's not saying what you want it to say (I took like 6 years of Latin in school like the big nerd I am instead of taking a more useful language ;p )

  • "Un" should be "Unus"
  • "Solis" should be "sōl" (solis would be "of the sun ")
  • "ad" means "to", like "to the store". The best word to use for "upon" would be the accusative preposition "super", which would mean "terrae"  should be "terram" as the direct object needs to match the case its preposition is used for.

"Unus Sol Super Terram"

Besides maybe the sprite posing/animation and some point and click segments, where do you envision the ace attorney inspiration coming up?

Looks interesting so far. Just a suggestion: if you tag this furry due to the anthro characters, you're pretty sure to get some more traffic here. 

Hi! you may want to tag this furry...I think that might help this be more visible.

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Hi, i was curious what  you want  "un solis ad terrae" to translate to? Did you get this phrase from somewhere? 

Just an idea, and dunno if this helps with the searchability, but perhaps the subtitle dould be the name of the unit Judah's a part of?

I.C.O.: Squad-015

not sure if you are already aware of this, but neither of the current android versions work on my android phone...is a fix to the android version in the cards for anytime soon?

Polo for sure...i like a man in uniform OvO

I could always be wrong, but i don't think that Roddo intends to add anything to the prologue. I don't think this is meant to be a horny game.

I'm going to elaborate on this further later, but tl;dr,  I have a feeling she may be the vessel?  At the very least, she's referred to as a chimaera  and has a lot of ties to nerus (albino, she sees his memories including the angel encoutner with the cows, etc)

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Time to unleash the theories...per Roddo's request. (Pt 1)

But first,  and most importantly....Bitey x Bernardo! I'm of the strong opinion that Alessia needs a 2 parent household. and Bitey needs some birb lovin'

Anyway... as of this build we finally have a timeline for where the prologue fits into chapter 1.

  • 0AD: Last known shapeshifter presence on earth   (Jesus?)                
  • 2000AD : Battle of Aeon 
  • Beginning of 2199--end of 2200 AD: Prologue
    • 1.5 years from start to beach plans...2 days until beach...1 day when Nerus receives letter about 2nd Battle...80 days until battle
  • 2200 AD: 2nd Battle
  • August 8-12th, 3041AD: Chapter 1
  • August 23rd, 3041 AD = Date being counted down to / Assumed to be some sort of "end of the world" / perhaps battle part 3?

Another thing that 0.5 cleared up was the mysteries surrounding Frank and Aloys. 



The events of 0.5 confirm for me that the info in the Glossary is important and that Roddo may be using it to either lead us or mislead us in the right direction. The masks on the Noch monks along with their respective body types almost immediately made me draw comparisons with Nerus and Shax respectively. 


According to the glossary, Nerus cannot change the color of his irises. Thus, if this was Nerus, this might explain why the pair have masks on...building tension.

However, as 0.4/0.5 went on, Aloys became less and less Nerus-like in his actions, and his mask off confirmed it. 

However, my theory is that this is  a red herring red herring, at least with the purpose perhaps of trying to draw away attention from Frank. 

Now, we know that Shax theoretically could be able to change his eye color along with his form, but I'm going to ignore that for now 

Not only do Shax and Frank/"Obli" share eye color,  but especially during the boat ride, we begin to see that the two share a lot of characteristics

  • Frank seems to want to hang around Alessia when she has the pouch looking for Lucusti, and has to be dragged away by Bitey.  Is he also attracted to the herb pouch like Lucusti?
  • Frank gets oddly quiet when Alessia begins talking 
  • Frank talks negatively about his parents "They tend to shove their lifestyle on their children without thinking."
  • Franks speaks of someone he knows who "behaves like he knows something you don't, even when he is just as lost as I am", whom Alessia gets home to confirm is not Aloys.
  • Alessia says that Franks reminds her of a lizard with feathers who appears in her dreams, plays with her, and looks sad, looking like he wants to tell her something
    • Frank laughs at this, and this triggers the mask-off moment
    • "Maybe the two of us have a lot in common, after all."
  • Obli/ "Mysterious Descendant" swapped places with a wet boulder, something we've only seen Shax do.  


At this point, I'm willing to put money on this. However, this reveal brings up more questions than answers.

At the end of Prologue, my guess that Shax was trying to say that he was an angel/descendant. However, there are some problems with this theory.

  • Unless Descendants can also be prone to soul amnesia and that soul can cross into shapeshifters,  how did Shax get born to two Shapeshifter parents?
    • Also, I have no reason to doubt that Shax is a soul amnesiac, he appears to actually suffer from the disease
  • According to Nerus, Angels cannot reproduce
  • According to Nerus, Angels don't often experience physical attraction
  • Can Descendants also shapeshift/warp?

It is my opinion that the Extras stuff isn't just for fun, but has lore implications, as I've demonstrated with the eye color foreshadowing.

Blessed vs Hybrid vs Human

Blessed seems to refer to humans who are born with a animal shape, called Beast Men in Ch 1 , as every animal character in Ch 1 (minus Aloys of course) is referred to as a "blessed human". Remigio also refers to himself as "blessed", so I'm guessing prior to his vampire transformation, he looked more like an animal as well. 

Bitey is referred to by Alessia as coming from a "blessed family", so it appears that the animal forms seem to be hereditary, as his uncle looks like him. 

Interestingly enough, back to Alessia's dream about Shax, she refers to him as blessed...although most likely any animal human would be referred to by that term, it's likely she's just making a guess. However the difference in usage of "beast man" vs blessed is interesting.

I'll  get to Alessia in Pt 2, but the narrator (who I believe to be the writer of the glossary), calls her  a "hybrid human"

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No problem! Also no pressure, but I'm a part of the Furry Visual Novel Discord server, which is mainly a nice big community where writers, creators, and fans interact. We got a lot of the big names in the community, everyone's really helpful and supportive,  and we're a really chill bunch, so feel free to drop by if you want.

First off, i love this game wholistically. The opening title theme is gorgeous (it sounds like Sufjan Stevens scored your vn), good sound design,  love the art style, love the character design, love the more diverse LGBT+ rep (finding anything other than gay men in fvns is rare). 

Secondly, noticed a few typos/small grammar things that I wanted you to be aware of. I'll put the fixes below:

 Line 49: "I-  if I check my phone to see if it was him, will you let me sleep?"

Line 115: "Well I didn’t feel the need to, since I thought his best friend  would have already told him."

Line 130: "*Sigh* Yeah, you’re right, I’ll tell him tonight... and stop  saying I'm in love with him- it's weird."

 Line 133: "Denial doesn't suit you well, Wallace."

 Line 165: "Now c'mon, let’s figure out what we should wear to the party."

 Line 167: "Besides, you need a wingman."

Line 187: between "don't know" and "it's complicated", I'd suggest some sort of punctuation depending on how you want the line to be read (... - ; , etc)

Line 190: "Trust me, I get it."

Line 191: "Yeah, thank you,"

Line 192: "Well, ok then."

Line 203: "Hmmmmm, I’ll allow it.

Line 204: "Oooo, my favorite!"

Line 208:  "After about an hour of Jay tearing me to shreds about my taste  in clothing, we ended up having to go to the mall."

Line 211: "But that can wait for tomorrow, because before we knew it, it was time to leave for the party."

https://wiki.minotaur.gay/index.php/T-shirt

Here's a bit more detail if you want  8)

Very cute. One thing: When I right click to save, the deer's head is still in that menu.

Metamorphoses, a new tranlation by charles martin, pg 173. Picture on the cover of my edition is a femboi faun

Tawerut,

Thank you for the response and the critique. Looking back, I realize that my habits of being brief with my words / assuming other people are sharing my headspace/writing late at night in this instance has produced an impression/conclusion that is not what I believe AND indeed my previous conceptions about greek myth limited my frame of view. I am going to respond, not to excuse what I said, but to offer a context as to what I was thinking at the time, which I realize is a bit too little, too late at this point. 

"any attempt to ligature race, ethnicity, and skin color to limited physical attributes of animals/anthropomorphic animals/androids/physical projections of A.I./an animated fucking toaster is inherently damaging and toxic and dangerous to members of the community, e.g. trying to treat fur color as a analogue to skin color.  This is racial essentialism This hurts all of us and limits us, but worst of all it singles out and excludes people of color in the furry community by attempting to remove agency from how they represent and explore themselves. "

>I assure you that this was not my intention to exclude people of color in the furry community or try to remove their agency. I do not wish to invalidate your interpretation. 

The latter half of Point Two was the main reason why I wrote what I did. The white Bull form that Zeus took, The white Bull / perhaps Poseidon's form, and Asterion fall into the mythological pattern you mentioned. Patterns are important, both in mythology but also in how Mino tells its story. I too made the mental connection with Argos and Io, and pondered if she would have some part to play in the story. It would be cool if that were the case.

I am aware that in genetics, traits can not be phenotypically be represented but can be genotypically represented. My point was that at this point it is an unsettled question how if he was a descendant of Io, how if Io had cow genes, how those would interact with those of his human parent(s). When I said "problem", I meant more of a narrative obstacle that would have to be explained. I am very fine with saying that coat phenotypes could have changed over time and could be influenced by those of his parents. My point is that it's one motif/narrative step removed from fitting as neatly into the established pattern, and I am very happy to expand that pattern.

I articulated this point poorly in my original post, I admit.  

I have enjoyed reading Ovid's Metamorphoses and the Aeneid for my latin class in high school, but thank you for the recommendation. MY favorite Ovid translations has the muses vs a group of nymphs doing a rap battle in meter, and it's one of the best things ever.

3a- I agree and have enjoyed how the MinoTeam has adapted myths so far. If team mino wants to turn a pattern on its head (i.e. what I thought Disney was going to do with Rei before she was retconned to be a Palpatine), I welcome it. 
3b-I'm not quite sure I understand the point in 3b. I.e. I understand and agree with what you're saying, but I'm unsure on how it relates to the topic at hand, apologies, I am dense boi.
3c- I agree. My motivation behind that is that at least for Luke, a connection was made between him and his greek griffin ancestry, and something I would like to see is if storm is related to Io, I would at least like to get an idea of how her bovine descendants ended up in South America and if these cow traits popped up before . In addition, we have a lot of greek myth represented right now, it seems Koda and maybe the kobalds are the only non-greek myth. I personally would like to see some other myth sources being drawn from. Again, it's fine if he is a descendant of io, but it'd be cool as well if he was from another realm of myth.

tl;dr. I apologize if my short response inadvertently enforced colorist / traditional ideas surrounding mythology. I will try to be more cognizant about talking about things of this subject in the future / better articulating my points.

Hmm...although I think this theory is pretty interesting, I forsee two problems with Storm being related to Io.
1. Although certainly skin color can change through the generations and through intermarriage, Io was a white heifer and storm is pretty dark. It's not out of the question, but with a number of other bulls throughout myth and MinoTeam being pretty detailed, the color change is not insignificant

2. If I recall correctly, Io ended up in egypt at the end of the story. Although it's not out of the question to have a egypt->moors->portuguese->brazil migration of Io's descendants, it's another narrative obstacle.

But hey, love y'all's theories. Y'all are bringing up a lot of good points. I was telling my friend that we should start a wiki to help keep track of info.

Damn, that's a good fic

In the 0.7 build, and one thing I experience sometimes is textboxes taking a while to show up, like it takes a few cycles before text will show up.

I really appreciate the representation!

Thanks! You may want to disclose that in the "more information" section

thus why i say caught up

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Really good start here! Love the character designs. The writing can be a bit purple prose-y at times, but not enough for me to have put the game down. May just want to tune that down a notch. Otherwise, it's a really good translation! 


A few specific things that need a bit of tweaking:

  •  At the beginning of the game, you have "Nevertheless, work whis Travis, a local freek..." I believe the words should be "with" and "freak". In the same block of text, there should be a comma after "bloodstained hands" and before the "and".
  • Soon after, you have the phrase "while I was disconnected after the blow". You may want to use unconscious instead, as it looks less weird in context. Disconnected typically is paired with words like "from reality"
  • You have the sentence "Stink, {besides clause}, was not. I would insert a "there" before the "was not" part.  If you put the sentence in typical order, you would say "There was no stink", thus you still need that "there".
  • "I would definitely have discovered me" : replace with It
  • "yet it still pulls unpleasantly..." rest of the sentence is in past tense, so consider "pulled"
  • In the paragraph starting with "The strength of my paws", you suddenly switch from 1st to 3rd to 1st person. I would keep it consistent and replace "he's" and "his" with "I" and "my". 
  • The next paragraph, you have "measured steps that were heard", switching to passive voice randomly. I would say "My immersion.....steps that I heard...."
  • "What if a gang buddy Tavriy comes here": It should be "of Tavriy's" as it shows possession/affiliation  
  • I would end the phrase "There was no point in getting up" with a semicolon instead of a comma . Also replace "only" with "just" 
  • The line "...and I could not even figure out the approximate outlines of my personality" feels out of place. Consider removing it or making it fit better in context.
  • What's with the <<eggs in a vise>> bit? Do you mean something like: "life in the wasteland teaches one to live like eggs in a vise; it is this skill...' ?
  • End the phrase "two meters from me" with a period instead of a comma. Also, change faces to face.
  • Exchange "Fate happened" with "Fate destined" or some equivalent.
  • Add a "the" between "to see" and "unknown guy" ; change "protecting from sand" to "protecting him from the sand"
  • Change "press me know" to "pin me now" or "hold me  now" or some equivalent
  • I'm not sure what is meant by "and a knife seeker at my ass"
  • I would look again at the section of text beginning with "Would you eat, wash..." I kinda get what he's saying, but it needs to be much clearer.

-----Will add more as I read---

The writing in this is so damn good. 

Also, I had Lace equip the Zapotager, and now I cannot unequip it

Unable to get past this screen when you try to read the left bookshelf

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Noticed quite a few grammar issues in Prologue and Ch 1 so far I wanted to alert you to, mainly involving keeping your verb tenses consistent. For the sake of this, I'm assuming you want the protagonist to tell the story in present tense.

  • You accidentally spoil Blu's name once while you have it "???" for the rest of the intro.
  •  "I'm trying to fish for my cap"
    • "try"
  • "I stretches my hands under my bed"
    • stretch
  • "I heard you screamed
  • scream
  • "But seriously, what kind of sickness i have, actually"


    • I might replace this with "I don't know what kind of sickness I actually have."
  • "She often gave me those weird medicines"
    • these
  • "It taste...awful..."
  • tastes

    • "same weird dream whenever I took the medicines"
      • take
    • "On the dining table , is a plate of pancakes"


      • Remove the comma
    • "Staying inside the house, couldn't even leave"
      • can't
    • I take one medicine out of the medicine case, and was about to drink it
      • If you're trying to stay in present tense, I would replace it with "go to drink it"
    •  "I hopped onto my bed and immediately falls asleep" 
      • hop  ;  fall 
    • "I'm... so painful"


      • I would say either "I'm... in so much pain" or "It's so... painful"
    • "He drink those medicines too?"
      •  drinks

    First Blood:

    •  "Hello, there. What can I help you?
      • Remove the comma; How can I
    • "the customer ran to check his wife"


      • runs ; check on
    • "As curious, the clerk walks out from her restaurant to see what happen..."
      • The beginning of the sentence needs a little work. You could say "Becoming curious, the clerk..."
      • what's happening or happened could both be appropriate here
    • "She was flabbergasted"
      • Assuming you want this section to be in present tense, is
    • "In front of her is a giant purple..."
      • Remove the two commas in this sentence
    • "It was devouring"
      • It devours
    • "The creature soon stared at the clerk"


      • turns to stare fits better here
    • "The creature slowly approach to the clerk"


      • approaches, get rid of "to"
    • "The clerk attempts to run but tripped"
      • trips
    • "The creature opens its huge mouth and was about to swallow"


      • goes to swallow
    • "a bullet struck the creature"


      • strikes
    • "Convince the hunt"
      • Commence the hunt!
    • Louis and Jacob pursued the creature and cornered it...


      • pursue the creature, cornering it
    • "So we wouldn't let you get away!"


      • won't"

    In the battle tutorial

    • "Once their HP dropped to 0"
      • "is reduced"
    • "The HP of certain characters will gets higher"


      • "get"
    • "which either deal damage, healing, or increase the Energy"
      • to keep tense consistent, use "heal" or "heal a party member"
    • "Damage of certain characters will gets"


      • "get"

    Post-battle

    • "Still love his Zinger Crunch and short as usual"
      • I would flip the "short as usual" to the front of the sentence; loves 
    • David hangs up the call
      • "hung"
    • "he will immediately shows up and help them"


      • show
    • Just as a sidenote, you may want to consider eliminating the honorifics (e.g. niichan) from your dialogue. At least to me, they pull me out of the narrative and taint the tone a bit.
    • "The reason how they turn into The Corrupted"
      • "why"

    Eric and Fiona

    • "It just like trapping inside a bird cage"
      • "It's" ; "being trapped"
    • "But mom wouldn't  let me"


      • won't 
    • "Fiona slowly walk back"


      • "walks"
    • "Eric, how many time I've told you..."


      • "have I"
    • "Have you take one in the morning"


      • "Did you take one this morning?"
    • "You still haven't sleep?"
      • Would either say "You're still not asleep?" or "You still haven't fallen asleep" or "You still aren't asleep?"

    -------I'm cutting off my edits here as I have stuff to do today----

    You may want to invest in time editing  and also find an editor for the rest of the script. Let me know if you would like more help with editing, we can talk on discord or something.

    Thanks for the link! I'm the original poster (too stubborn to get a new Reddit account name)

    I trust that axolotl about as afar as I could throw him. He's too smiley...

    Thanks for this. Do you think you could write some about finding / managing a team? How do you find the people you end up working with? How do you allocate creative control to people while protecting vision? How do you make decisions about the content / direction of the novel -- do the writers have more control in general, or is it pretty democracy-like?

    I would get caught up with the main game (finish / catch up with the dev's on all the routes). Narratively this game will make a bigger impact on you if you do.

    @Korikali @Fenris_72

    I've put a few thoughts down on the subject, any opinions?

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    I love this game so much. One of the most resonating stories I've come into contact with, mainly because I've been dealing with fear around separation and not dying alone.

    I noticed so far two bits of Latin used in the hotel room that I believe to be not quite correct (I was a Classics nerd in high school), and so wanted to bring them to your attention.

    • When Amicus first says "Hello", you use the Latin word "Ave!" In my experience, "Ave" tends to be used more as a formal / very reverent greeting (e.g. Ave Maria / Ave Caesar = "Hail Mary / Hail Caesar"), and does not seem to fit well here. I would personally substitute the less formal "Salve!", especially given Amicus's initially low view of the intelligence of the PC. 
    • Near that use of "Ave", you have Amicus ask "Do you understand?", which you translate as "Potes intellegere?" This is 90% correct; however, Latin doesn't use differential punctuation (e.g. ? . !) to affect the tone/function of the verb but instead would include the interrogative enclitic -ne with the verb potes
      • "Potes intellegere" means most literally "You are able to understand" but is commonly translated as  "You can understand / You do understand"
      • "Potesne intellegere" means literally "Are you able to understand?" or "Can you / Do you understand?" Thus, I think it's fine if you keep the question mark with the Latin as long as you add the -ne.
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    I think the re-writes had the desired effect and didn't alter the story negatively. There are a few things that need revising, as there's still a reference to "taking Anson out of him" and whatever now was happening to Clarkhammer after the Bandersnack was kind of rushed through and not explained.

    I think you missed the point of the game

    Got it, thanks

    Can I get a nudge / step 2? Been pouring over that scene from multiple routes and haven't found anything useful yet, even when using two passwords in a run.

    Please have an option to adjust mouse sentsitivity. unplayable as is