This is so much different from all the others. It didn't use the assets given from Wagle BUT what the VN did was tell a story that got me to enjoy it.
The whole thing was FABOLOUS! From seeing how he passed to him showing his happiest moment and Memento just being a goofball, the VN deserved this win.
The others were ALL COPY & PASTE! But this...THIS WAS FAR FROM THAT! If it was that, why would I write this AMAZING #1 May Wolf Short Story a review? I even felt chills with one line that Memento said to Mori. SO RETABLE AND YET SCARY! Also Mori's attitude was like scared...calm...afraid to feeling at peace with his death.
Cetus I don't think you need to do ANYTHING to add to it. Just leave it be. it's a masterpiece on it's own short form.
Do I have any negatives?
I do not think I have anything bad to say about it. Perfect.
Play game
Before You Depart's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Story | #1 | 4.808 | 4.808 |
| Presentation | #1 | 4.923 | 4.923 |
| Creativity | #1 | 4.923 | 4.923 |
Ranked from 104 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Team Members
Author - Cetus
Artist - Arcadia Adair
Coding - Bowser Puma
Music - Camazule
GUI - Rackoon/AZiDBUNZ
Comments
This game was a punch to the gut, but in a good, wholly human way. The game has undeniably breathtaking visuals that fit each scene, but I think it's greatest strength is the ability to deal with a range of strong emotions dealing with topics of death, unfulfilled potential, illness, and relationships. I wish I could experience it again for the first time. Great job, I say wiping the tears from my face.
I AM RATING THESE ALL THESE JAM SUBMISSIONS RELATIVE TO ONE ANOTHER. THERE ARE HIGH HIGHS AND LOW LOWS BUT PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS TOO PERSONALLY, AFTERALL, WE ALL ONLY HAD A MONTH.
Story (5)
Presentation (5)
Creativity (5)
Total (15):
The snot I produced while streaming this VN speaks more volumes than words alone.
This is quite the VN! I actually played it yesterday, but I needed a few hours to process it before leaving any form of comment. Your work resonated with me - given that I share a few similarities with the MC - and the message behind it has even inspired me to change my outlook on my own life. Life is indeed fleeting, and should be enjoyed before it's cut short. It's a simple lesson, but it's so very easy to forget.
There isn't much I can say that others haven't already said in their own comments, and probably worded better than I ever could, but...That was one hell of a story. I could really feel Mori's exhaustion and bitterness, and it's a sobering reminder of how quickly any of us could end up in the same position. Memento was adorable, and I can't help but feel for him during his struggle - and eventual understanding - of what life was, and why people react differently to him.
The only decent criticism I could offer would be the length, but given the story was created to be a part of a VN collection and in such a short length of time...You all did very well with this. Bravo!
I've lived a bit and read much in my short time on this earth. I have very stories that I go back to more than once or twice. Even smaller number than I can recall with perfect clarity. This story will stick with me till the day I pass away. I'm very stoic, my emotions are always bottled on the shelf. Many of those bottles just broke and fell.
Thank you,
Thank you for this gift,
We really didn't deserve it,
Yet here it is,
Awaiting our eagers hands,
To gently open it,
What a gift inside,
A story that captivates the heart,
From the start,
Life is but a stepping stone,
On the road we share,
We have our highs and our lows,
In the end of it all,
Death is simply waiting,
To gently hold our hand,
To help us take the final step,
This story really shows this off.
Now my thoughts on this,
My heart really is made of stone,
Not much moves it anymore,
Anytime I feel a stir within,
I push it to the side,
Not wanting to relieve what I've lost,
Yet this story,
A fleeting one to be had,
Chipped it all away with ease,
I was weeping of sadness and joy,
This story is really a treasure,
I simply cannot give the justice it deserves,
So sitting in the field as the sun starts to set,
I wish you all the best,
I really mean it,
You've given an old weathered soul,
Another reason to push forward,
My time now is running short,
The sun is about to rest for the night,
The stars about to rise,
If I could more than this,
I would give you all a wonderful gift,
To show my appreciation for this,
Yet all I can do is write,
Now it is time to say,
Goodbye,
Wishing you all the best from my heart,
Shon
So. Utterly. Beautiful. It honestly left me speechless, when you said you teamed up to make a kick-ass story, you weren't fucking kidding, my god...
I guess this story touched me so deeply because of how I felt I could relate to it, but even if I didn't, the writing was so outstanding it made me start to cry, which is something I so very rarely do haha. Not to mention the flow of the story, the INSANE unique style of art, and the perfect music to really set the mood. This whole entire VN is just pure and beautiful art. It felt like it was the perfect length of how short stories should be. Everything just blends so well together that I really cant think of much that could be wrong with this (at least from me, we all know others will lmao)
This was such a good read, and it instantly goes very high into my favorites.
I was mesmerized from the beginning. Given the theme (trigger) warnings, the first few lines hit me like a truck emotionally. I was in tears through the entire story, for a variety of reasons: scared, crying, and smiling. The best way to describe this story is a "flurry of emotions". Like how flowers flurry around throughout the scenes, the range of everything the developers did blended to make a splendid experience.
Regardless of my past experiences with these devs (Camazule for Ocean Avenue, and streaming I.C.O. by Cetus), I was thoroughly impressed with what everyone's talents. All of them have what it takes to do their craft! I'm going to complement each team member individually for their work:
- Story (author): This writing felt well-spoken and immersive. Only having seen Cetus' initial project of I.C.O., I didn't know how he would tackle this genre. I was thoroughly blown away by the gravity and maturity displayed here. As someone who's in my mid-twenties who went through burnt bridges and doubts of self-worth, the different scenes portraying these moments were so well-crafted and hit personally, even if I didn't go through that exact situation. I was worried the main character become too stubborn amidst tense scenes (a trope many VN's fall into to various degrees), but it never did; all the angry moments were justified and reasonable. Whatever inspirations and advice were taken, they were used exceptionally, and exhibit the writer's storytelling! The roller coaster of emotions and questions to life made the reading feel how time as a concept feels: limited, but also endless. Great story arc throughout!
- Artwork: What a beautifully crafted art style! I don't know exactly what you'd call it, but if I had to make an (un)educated guess, I'd say it's a mix of Aztec and Latin. The linework and shaping blend so well to portray the abstract and tangible aspects between life and death. Sometimes, it may feel like they blend as one, other times splitting off with their own touches. All the characters were beautifully made, and each sprite and cg portrayed the scene perfectly. I was immersed into the world from the get-go! Arcadia, you knocked it out of the park, and I'll need to check more of your work!
- Coding: Coding tends to be the silent hero of VN's; if it works fine, then casual readers don't notice, but if there are problems, everyone will complain. Bowser compiled everything seamlessly, from menu functions to scene changes (and probably more I can't remember). He did great stuff here, and I assume he was responsible for making sure the UI was all properly aligned and set, so props there; that stuff can always be hard to refine!
- UI: I didn't think the graphic design would also strike emotions in me, but by golly, it did! The pillar on one end with the other side tattering away made the story, art, and music all the more impactful. The color palette was gorgeous, and the designs themselves mesh excellently with the artwork. Terrific job here! Another aspect of VN's that can be easily overlooked, especially when nothing goes wrong.
- Music: I wasn't going to share my biases in this interview; however, I am so glad I have Camazule working on music for Ocean Avenue. He arranged a symphony here! Each piece sold the scene excellently and added more gravitas to it. Going from heavy moments, to lighthearted moments, to frightening instances (and everywhere in between), the songs fit the scene's tone and amplified them. The instrumentation and other technical arrangements were also well-refined and pleasant. Bravo! Bravo!
We also have to recognize that this was made over a (rough) period of 1 month for a contest. Usually, that means running against the clock and keeping the inspiration fire going. Even after reading (and seeing) this story, I cannot believe they did it within these constraints. Excellent execution! Whatever chemistry and skill the team had together, it was a match made in heaven (or whatever lies beyond)!
I do not say this lightly: this is the best visual novel I ever read. The connection between characters, the structure of the story, the tackling of sensitive topics: all of it made this VN rise to the top for me! I highly recommend this story to anyone, even if you don't normally read visual novels. There is something in this story for everyone!
If anybody ever asks for a VN recommendation, I will mention BYD in a heartbeat.
I feel like a broken record saying how much I adore your work. This is art. The story, the visuals, the music, everything. You can tell that this project is not only made by talented individuals but also crafted with love and passion.
And the fact that the team managed to produce it in just one month!? Y'all set a new bar for FVN. Truly a hydrogen bomb moment.
I'll start with the obvious. The presentation of this is gorgeous. Custom gui, music, cgs all built to the tone of the piece. The hard work was obvious and shows. The chase scene? Fantastic. Felt like something you could see in a museum.
The piece brings to mind an essay had I had to read in college-- some sort of excerpt from a work that trying to find on the internet without any of the additional context makes nearly impossible-- titled Sentiment Always, Sentimentality Never.
The short of it is the sentimentality felt unearned, but let me circle back to that. Let me take the long way around, not unlike the story in itself :p
There was some characterization issues to me. Or rather, Mori's beginning felt detached with the rest of Mori. We start off with Mori detached, seemingly having already mourned his death, expecting to have passed in one year but malingered for four. He has a sort of clinical detachment from his body, ready to watch his body get burnt to a crisp, and yet with the prospect of going into a place of paradise, he agrees to Memento's ask to linger and go through his history. It feels like a choice born of progressing the plot in contrast to the opening scene.
We do however, move to a more consistent viewpoint of Mori from there-- one that didn't do the mourning his detachment implied-- it's more of an artifact of the opening feeling separate from the the rest of the characterization.
Similarly, you set this piece in conversation to the Death of Discworld and the Death of Nail Gaiman's works (especially with what feels like the nod to Stardust by Neil Gaiman in the "play within the play which frames with a similar structure against the greater plot narrative). Discworld's death is kind of the detached end of the spectrum. He tries to learn via adopting a child and then eventually raising his grandchild (after his child passes on). Death isn't quite robotic in Discworld as the auditors but he's more of structure of a natural force. I'm not as well versed in Neil Gaiman's death, but I believe his endless are more "human", having more earthly attachments and emotionality.
Memento sits somewhere in the middle, but he simultaneously flickers between both ends of the scale. He questions Mori "what is joy, what is grief", etc etc, while also pointing to elements that he believes causes them (belly rubs, a flower, a sunset). His understanding and his uncertainty (of needing to define his own existential dread) feels sorta inconsistent. Some of his wording felt robotic, but then the expressions were too vivid. Discworld's death would have the flat skull affect, but Memento here is living it up, showing the depths of expression (which are lovely, mind you, but feeling incongruent to his lines).
In that same vein, it feels sorta unearned that Memento fawns over Mori. He's indicated he's spent like lifetimes observing deaths and talking for various periods-- we spent just as briefly a window with Mori and we saw a play in which his own focus was narrowed on the Memento's foil (which would resonate more if we could have Memento identifying with that same sort of Stardust vibes) but we get the simultaneously wizened, detached Memento (which ALSO sort of echoes to like Phos as we approach the end of Houseki no Kuni (spoilers~)-- someone that has overcome worldly desires). His fawning is where we start to feel that sentimentality (or I do). An informed reason for obsessing over Mori. The forced crying (and some of those caps locks moments felt unearned).
I think we could have buffered this out if we had less of the play and the more of the running sequence. The foil narrative where we lingered with Stella for so long (her name the path of least resistance for Star -> Stella) has the payoff of Mori lashing out at her when she briefly revisited, if anything portraying her as sorta callous and dismissive (of which as a character we're trying to have her foil against for Memento isn't quite the best payoff?). She's perhaps being given an excessive response but the burden of caring is sorta with the living, not the deceased (like a funeral). He's all but dead but in execution. She's not properly understanding him and not is leading her interaction by trying to connect via the offering of herself, as opposed to letting him lead (paralleling to how he has to be the one comforting her backstage-- even her offered assistance starts with pulling back to herself).
The running sequence-- the inevitability of Memento's approach? Gorgeous. I think if we had MORE of that (sorry, more hard work for Arcadia) it would help draw in the inevitability. A place to buffer the conversation with each stop as Memento catches up. It's the proper lead up to the nothingness, but we don't get enough time for it to sink it. It's kind of a snapshot that Memento was lying. The more time we run, the more time we have to be running from the horror, for it to build up at the back of our minds-- what must be avoided looms in its absence, a sort of negative space. This was already perhaps the strongest part of the piece, especially in its presentation, but I think that makes it hurt for how brief it was. I kinda wanted like the rule of threes: three distinct places to see the inevitability of Memento as opposed to what felt like the one sequence.
Back to sentimentality-- the dog Mori always wanted (with that obvious presence as Memento) was yet another moment. We revisited his waking life, but we don't get it until the end of the flashback sequences? We couldn't have a hint of it earlier? It feels like a justification for the romance with Memento-- even his picking of Mori feels like "My wolf by default. I chose you as my sample person for my existential dread because?" He's seen endless people and this one experience is the one that draws him in? The memory viewing of the play helped him subtly notice himself via the similar being of the star? It doesn't feel convincing to me that Mori is the one that broke the damn on Memento's feelings.
However, I did love how the waltz worked as a medium for Mori to have his performance (calling out the stars as the audience-- what greater stage is there than the universe itself).
Ugh, I've already said a lot, so if you have further asks like... let me know, but I don't want to say that this still isn't an excellent experience. The music is a lovely counterpart to the ethereal scenes, punctuated with fluid transitions between them all. It really does show the strengths of all of the team that contributed to the project, and is a fantastic contribution to the May Wolf experience. It's not surprising why it got the feedback its received. It's merited, even if I can't help but pick at the tangled skeins. Time for me to depart this comment~
I'm glad you enjoyed the art at least but this is pretty rough to hear, honestly. Although, I think authorial intent is usually irrelevant when engaging with media in my opinion, I do want to address some of these criticisms mostly to assess my own skills as a writer and trying to see what went wrong. It seems that the main issue is that... It was sentimental and it felt cheap? Sentiment not Sentimentality? You don't really reference this again so I'm not sure what you mean by this but I'll address everything here...
The first point of Mori feeling detached I do not understand. Being detached from his corpse and showing Memento his past don't seem correlated? Mori had confirmation of eternal happiness which informed his decision to at least help Memento. If anything, he's even more detached from his body because at that point he doesn't really care about the physical world anymore as he, in his mind, believes there's paradise after. It was a choice born of progressing the plot, but I don't see how it's forced or unearned?
And, no, I have never read Discord nor have to made any intentional references to this Neil Gaiman. The framing of a play is more slightly inspired by the performance from Bojack Horseman's View From Halfway Down though it was given a more classical, theatrical aesthetic. As for Memento, I can see how some of his characterization can be inconsistent. Memento understands stuff like a flower or a sunset as bringing people happiness, but Mori describes a more visceral kind of happiness to Memento. Memento's view on it is surface level and it's Mori's lived experience that shows him the deeper nuance to it.
As for Stella, I dont' see where the parallel to Memento comes from, personally. She's intended to show Mori's decaying connections with people and how he pushed people away. She was a dear friend to Mori, showing Memento was sorrow is while alluding to Mori's own past, and also them leaving on the worst of terms with no real resolution making Mori more regretful and truly alone by the end. The rest of that section of the criticism I don't understand? "She's perhaps being given an excessive response but the burden of caring is sorta with the living, not the deceased" I don't know what this means? She's... Caring for Mori? And she said things that might've been inappropriate at the time? That was the intention of that scene, that Stella had good intentions but it's clear she didn't truly understand. So... I don't know what to make of this section?
Also, Memento doesn't necessarily fawn over Mori. He's just naturally affectionate and kind, as he mentions that he allows dog lovers to give him belly rubs. He wants to be approachable and comforting and the exaggerated expressions are part of that. There was no real way to make their romance a typical one, so I was aiming for Memento actually experiencing these emotions for the first time and it being overwhelming as opposed to it being a legitimate romantic relationship. As Mori put it, it was one last performance together, and he simply wanted to be with someone at least. Though, caps lock is a mistake on my part and I'll def refrain from using it in the future. It does not seem to be a popular choice. The chase scene was also one I greatly enjoyed writing, but I never really felt the need to make it more than that. I added a moment of foreshadowing this aspect of Memento in the beginning and I think that was appropriate as this is a shorter form visual novel and I feel having three separate instances of it would've reduced the impact of when Memento fully showcases that aspect of his personality. He IS death and he WILL take Mori and, to me, that scene lasted as long as it needed to. It was intended to be longer, but I don't think we needed more explanation from Mori of him running or Memento telling him it's futile.
Mori wanting a dog was more so just a little thing that connected to his loneliness and the desire for someone close to him. And Memento selecting Mori is outright said as just a 'random thing'. Memento says he could've chosen the last one or the last one but he decided this one for no other real reason. Sometimes, we just decide it's time to do something. Memento says reapers evolve over time and it came to the point where Memento had acquired enough human experience to begin questioning things. Mori just so happened to be the person he asked first. I don't think there really needs to be a deeper meaning to his selection. This is Memento's first time actually engaging and trying to understand a person for an elongated period of time. He has seen endless people, but this time he's witnessing it for himself and it's what pushes him over the edge. He's actually feeling a growing human connection for the first time in millions of years.
I hope I did not come across as rude here, but I've seen a lot of criticism that I don't understand or are answered in the text and it's been somewhat frustrating. Maybe I could have made my points more overt but I worry about making things unsubtle which Purkka mentioned was an issue that it wasn't subtle so... I don't know. I do have a thin skin when it comes to criticism so I guess I just need to toughen up in that regard, but I did want to say SOMETHING at least because some of these criticisms I find hard to understand. Caps lock being bad? Yeah I get that. Maybe I could've made Memento's familiarity a bit more consistent? Maybe showed he does understand some of it, but only at a surface level. But stuff like Memento selecting Mori feeling forced or Stella being a foil to Memento I just... Don't understand. It's disappointing to hear that the sentiment of the story felt unearned. Things being unearned and forced seem like the hallmark of amateur writing so I'm pretty ashamed of myself that it came across that way. I guess I'll just have to do better in the future but thanks for reading and I'm glad you at least enjoyed parts of it.
At a glance, the first thing that impressed immediately was the sound design and music quality. Camazule should be proud of the soundtrack they developed. Assisted by Bowser's editing in the "4 years" backstory section.
There's something very unique about this art style, too, even beyond the jam - using a handful of base colors (red/black) gives the VN a stark look while the red flower a smart choice. The custom GUI only enhances.
Cetus' storytelling commands attention. There were a few times where I felt the story could end and I would have been disappointed in its shorter length, but the motivations of Memento would have been clearer. The wolf seemed confident in his purpose but the ending unravels some of that, so I'm left wondering a bit. But this was a real thinker of a novel, either way - it couldn't have been easy to write something that examines so deeply the human condition.
There's very little to fault in this succinct package. Congrats on a great collab :)
Yes, thank you! Arcadia intentionally used a limited color pallette and I think it came across very well. The red and black was a pretty strikign color scheme and I'm happy how they turned out. Arcadia deserves all the props for the presentation being as it is. As for the last part, to me at least, it was kind of the point that Memento's confidence in his purpose wavered by the end because he experienced true humanity for the first time. Or at least, that's my intent, and the audience's interpretation I believe is more important but that's what I was going for. But I'm very flattered you enjoyed the deeper examinations. Thanks a bunch!
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