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(1 edit) (+6)

I'm interested in seeing where this goes. I really liked your french couplets, so I tried to make english versions of them:

Maelbjorn

An heir, heaven sentenced to perdition

The sword has become his chief ambition

Akhet

Peckish fear and exile keep him wary

The southern minstrel seeks sanctuary

Vekad

So strong and slender, the lord of the hunt

Pursued by phantoms that he must confront

Tenoch

Heir of the dragons, lover of the flame

Avoiding cold and blade should be his aim

(+3)

Hey, we really like those translations!

Would you be ok if we use them? We might have to change one thing (replacing heaven with gods in Maelbjorn's couplet, it would stick more with the overall theme of the story), but most of it would stay that way!

You will be credited in the VN if you agree, obviously!

(1 edit) (+4)

Oh wow, of course!  I'd be honored!

For Maelbjorn's couplet, to keep each line with ten syllables, here are two possible alternatives:

  1. Once an heir, god-sentenced to perdition / The sword has become his chief ambition.
  2. The gods sentenced this heir to perdition / So the sword became his chief ambition.

If you want to talk more about this, I'm Kopten#9136 over on Discord.  Let me know if there's anything else localization-wise you'd want a second opinion on, I love this sort of thing.