Holy hell, dude. That was sick. Hats off. Round of applause. Time for everyone to pack up and go home because you wiped the floor with our sorry asses.

You don't need me to tell you that the presentation was an 11/10. The UI, the images, the backgrounds, the sprites. the audio. Everything was top notch. And, although you kinda belittled yourself on the writing, I thought that it was pretty dang good too. 

One thing I particularly loved was what you left out. For example, when the numbers first appeared there wasn't any goofy exposition or ham-handed monologue that ground the pace to a halt. It just was. Now that's how you tell a story within a visual novel. And, I'll be honest, the concept brought me right back to my teenage years when I watched that shoddy 2011 movie "In Time" with Justin Timberlake, and I loved that.

The only nitpick I have is that the opening scene is a little weak.

Still, it's a fantastic entry. Absolutely fantastic.

Spoilers:

Theme: Expanding knowledge of teh world? I guess?

Story: I liked your swing, but I felt like you missed in part.

There weren't any levels in the depths of Mikkel's angst (and sure, that makes sense) but we go from depressed at party to depressed at lake to memories of family angst to depressed to depressed. You kept telling me in flowery language how much the boy was suffering.

It's not perhaps an unfaithful telling of like depression, albeit maybe not for the suicide (I do believe it's common that it's said the day an attempt is made, those who attempt feel at peace, because they have something to hold onto (and it seems like they day they come out the most from underneath the depressive fog)). And yet, we spent a good chunk reiterating the same pain.

I liked the intrusive thoughts (and then the positive intrusive thoughts) displayed when getting rejected from university. (Grad school? It seemed like Uni which made Mycroft's interest in Mikkel at the end there a bit oof for me).

I was a bit surprised he had room for that flower depths of prose, is what I was cynically thinking. It made sense for the narrator at the start (although I didn't love that (i did like the spider in the web, and the message, but I didn't love the sort of preachy "you have one life to live bit" (but maybe others liked that more))), given that's more of an authorial voice, but Mikkel already seemed exhausted-- creative turning of phrases is another item that people point to as fading away in the depths of depression (a sort of muted mind).

The genre shift was curious-- I'm wondering if Mikkel already had his fate changed once as a child, and thus the second time  around is what fucked stuff up enough for Lady Death to get pissed, albeit it happening felt abrupt, and out of nowhere. (How did Mycroft even find him? Just walking around, always looking and then bam, used his shinigami eyes to see that Mikkel wasn't going to survive the day?)

The puzzle wasn't too difficult, I just didn't know what Mycroft wanted sans hint. The screen is a grocery store and we just talked about being trailed, so I mentioned groceries visible on the screen or other aisles/the trailing. 

I did enjoy Mycroft's voice a lot more, so while the shift was abrupt, I wasn't outright upset. Just confused.

Presentation: You ate here. My only thought was during the guitar scene, you said that the word faded away-- make it actually happen by blurring the background while playing instead of telling us.

I also didn't love the lengthy pauses (that you purposefully chose) and the no-waits/redos (that you purposefully chose) but your vision was very clear in those and it made sense in the moment.

I appreciated your tinkering with size of text, guis, twisting words around, etc. You do like to make use of the full engine.

Creativity: Urban fantasy god proxy war & slice of life depression quest is an interesting combination.

Overall thoughts: Nice stuff, although this felt more like a vehicle to launch the former rather than being a full game-jam oriented entry. I think the early focus got a bit misplaced, perhaps because we were too far in the protagonist's head, making all the disclosures of feeling depressed somehow feel less important with the sheer repetition of them.

Still, I think you told an interesting story and that people will be lining up to see the rest of it. Well done again!

The story was great, I love how you tell us just enough knowing we're smart enough to use context clues to figure out whats happening. Submitting your game to a game jam is a really good way to get the word out about it but so far it isn't really a My Wolf story so the only category id dock points from would be theme.

Blew my breath away when I first played it. I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing more content in the future because I already love these characters.

I really could feel Mikkel's emotions as someone who has struggled like this before, thank you for writing it so accurately.

Not mention the plot? It's extremely unique and completely not what I expected, I love it. 

Absolutely reccomend. Can't wait to see more.

Very good, a few typos, a beta would be a good pickup if you're going to continue this. The premise is very interesting and while the tone/genre shift might take some people off guard I liked it. Mikkel's struggles were heartbreaking and it while I genuinely think it takes more than one interaction or person to pull someone out of that kind of spiral it does show how powerful and affecting one interaction can be and that's a good message.

Very curious to see where it goes from here.

I was thoroughly impressed with the story, visuals, music, timing... Many aspects felt close to home for me, and it was extremely well executed, especially under the time constraints.  I noticed a few minor spelling errors, but certainly don't hold that against it!  I can't wait to see how this one turns out.

I did feel a bit of whiplash with the sudden reversal of perspective, but I believe once the full story is complete, it will feel less like playing two seperate stories, and will be fully integrated into one, so I imagine this is probably the equivalent of chapter one and chapter two.

On the android version, the icons to show hints and enter keywords did not appear on my screen, even when loading the web version from my phone.  I was able to play it on a computer with no issue, though.  

I believe the icons are probably located off the right side of the screen on those devices, making entering text or reading the hint impossible (at least for me).  I was aware there was supposed to be progression past that point, so I was a bit confused at first, thinking that I was supposed to click on items on the shelves or something.

All that aside, I can't wait to see where this one goes next!

This is a very impressive VN for having been put together in such a short period of time. Excellent use of music and sound, and a stylish visual interface that adds to the appeal and suits the feel/theme very well. It’s easy to overlook what sound can add to a story – but many of the most memorable VNs out there are the ones that make their music and sound effects an integral part of the experience. Colour is also very effectively used. The UI in the second part of the VN reminds me of the stylish interface of games like Persona 5 and helps to sell the tone and character whose perspective we see it through.  

The amount of work that’s gone into the visual effects and interface does feel a little let down by some of the background images. Stock photos with clear humans are an understandable and sometimes necessary shortcut in a project with such a tight deadline (particularly a solo project), but they create a bit of a disconnect given the love that’s been put into the UI. Along with the occasional typo, though, this is all completely understandable for a Jam project. None of the weak points are enough to drag the story down or pull the reader out of it.  

In contrast, the scenes set in Mikkel’s room are some fantastic visual storytelling. The little bit we see of his relationship with his friends does a great job investing the reader in their relationships. The characters feel like they have a history to their interactions and their friendship.  

The only real issues I see with the VN are the fact that it doesn’t tell a complete story, and the suddenness of the genre shift. When it comes to the length, the story introduces more than it can resolve in a project with such a limited size. The reader’s interest is captured, they want to know what’s happening, but the VN doesn’t last long enough to provide a satisfactory answer. It works great as a preview, less well as a complete experience.  

The genre shift and accompanying perspective shift from Mikkel to Mycroft is more awkward. A fairly common piece of writing advice when it comes to urban fantasy and horror is that if you’re telling a story where the supernatural will play a role, it’s unwise to wait too long before you make its presence known, or at least hint at its possibilities. The hints that are dropped in One More Light are ambiguous and small enough that when the perspective jumps over to Mycroft it feels downright jarring – like we’ve switched from one story to a completely different one. A few more hints or teases early on could have made the transition rewarding and satisfying instead of perplexing.  

Minor issues aside, this is a very good entry. Full stop. The story is very good. The writing is emotional and effective. The sound and music are great. The interface is thematic and innovative. When the biggest criticism a reader can give to a story is “I wish there was more of it”, by definition you’ve done an exceptional job!  

Visually, this is possibly the most striking FVN I have read, ever. Thanks to both your visual assets and programming skills. There are a bunch FVNs these days that exploit what Ren’py has to offer beyond the basic features, and while I appreciate them, the presentation of such tricks often has a touch of goofiness to it. Not here though: everything here looks so polished and professional. I think I saw the dev say this was inspired by Backbone and the final menu screen/credits immediately made me think of that. They look amazing.

Programming-wise, I have only one big complaint: this was possibly the most frustrating FVN I’ve ever played in terms of me having to constantly open the “History” tab to read some text I missed. This is both because of the abundant use of {nw}, but also because the text will sometimes be revealed with pauses and I ended up constantly clicking to forward thinking I have read everything, realizing just a moment too late new text was showing up (apparently, I’m a fast reader).

SPOILERS to follow

For all its advanced tricks, two of the most affecting scenes in the FVN for me were accomplished with very basic visual language. One was the scene when the Mikkel receives his rejection e-mail: even before the narration said anything, just seeing the preview of the message on the screen gave me PTSD. The other was the scene where Mikkel makes his "attempt". Again, I love how the narration didn’t have to say anything, the camera starting to move up was enough to tell me exactly what was happening. A masterful use of the visual language.

As for the story itself, I must admit I found it a bit uneven, although it is difficult to judge in the current state since it looks like a prelude to a much larger narrative. While I generally enjoyed Mycroft’s perspective more than Mikkel’s, so I’m not sad the story went in that direction, the shift of perspective did not feel particularly graceful? I think this might be because this happens together with a complete shift in genre, not to mention in tempo (Mikkel’s very slow introspective narrative vs Mycroft’s action-packed fast-paced story). Even though the plots are connected, it felt like basically reading two separate stories. I'm not sure what the fix would be, but I think maybe we could have used some “mix” of the two styles much earlier in the story, or at least some hints.

I must admit that I really became invested in the story starting from the aforementioned scenes in Mikkel’s bedroom. The beginning scenes did not grip me as much. I see what the scene at the lake(?) was going for, but it felt a bit impersonal to me? You don’t really get what the “real” conversation happening beneath the space talk is because it happens too early into the story, and the fact that there is basically no narration, no physicality in the scene, just dialogue, made it feel emotionally distant. And the flashback of the “accident” is perhaps told a bit too analytically: some vague flashbacks focusing on what Mikkel remembers, filtered through his own lenses, rather than just retelling what happened as if through an external observer, would have been much more effective IMHO.

(Btw, I’m being this nitpicky because I saw the author say he wants walls of text as feedback! Don’t let this fool you, this was one of my favorite entries so far!)

Finally, I have to mention that I loved the art for the characters: I love how most of them are clearly based on the sprites provided for the jam, but redrawn in an artstyle that makes them so reminiscent of the wolf from Moonlit Field.

Amazing story and great presentation. What sets this story apart from others is the realism of the dialogue. Each character has their own voice and it would be possible to recognize them without even the nametag. Loved it. 5/5.

I would want to know the rest of it, though ! You can't tease us like this and leave it unfinished !

I don’t know about using this jam as a vehicle for future works but the craftsmanship on display, impressiveness aside, keep away most of my negative feelings towards that. It gets just a smidge meandering at points and the random references really threw me off, but it’s pretty great, specially on the presentation side of things.

Also, and this is of no fault of the VN, it uses the Jerma air drumming song and I cannot stop laughing

First of all: oh my god, this thing is so stylish? Definite jam winner material at least in terms of production values; the attention to detail is amazing, and the entire medium is explored and used. A very jarring background image showing real-life humans might be the only visual misstep, as painting furries over photos is relatively common. It really feels like an oversight.

Though unfinished, the story's patient pacing and its willingness to go for big swings already show a confidence in storytelling I always appreciate. The direction is also just so sharp; visuals are always used with purpose and to emphasize what the narrative is saying. Something feeling like a cheap gimmick or too melodramatic is a risk when you have this much stuff going on, but One More Light remains steadily tasteful and controlled. The only thing I'm not crazy about is the amount of pauses – less could be more in this case, especially when the numerous animations already stop the flow of text every so often.

The prose is pretty good, too, despite typos and such being common enough to betray the fact that the game was made under a strict time limit. Character voices come with a sense of grounded realism, and I think the narration avoids feeling too flowery despite playing with a lot of different images and metaphors. The writing is pleasant to read all around and clearly pulling its own weight.

What else is there to say – very good, and very impressive for a game jam project. I have to confess to having liked the moody opening slightly more than the VN going all plot mode, but don't count that as me not being excited for more.

For a solo project, quite surprising how much was made in the given time frame (if a little short). There is an interesting premise here and the mechanics give a lot of room for possible variants and interactions. Looking forward to play it when it's further in development.

Had technical problems reading Wolf Bolo, so let's go on with the third entry: this one!