itch.io

viability: its viable! i found myself a little bit confused just because the controls were only available externally, and i didn't realize i could shoot stuff my first time playing (unity pulls me into a new tab without a description) so having instructions in the game would be good. props for having a menu! i think even putting the controls there would be great.

presentation: i think that having the controls in the game will definately help. a lot of the game feels very intuitive though so it helps a lot!

engagement: i was engaged, but i found myself frustrated specifically by the jumping physics because the jump felt so big.... i feel like with platformers jumps feeling a bit small is better than them feeling too big because at some points i was struggling to jump onto a pretty long platform because i would just go sailing over it...which was pretty frustrating ^^;  but otherwise i had fun!

theme: i'm really curious what the art will look like since i think that will add a lot to the game!

viability: Ok i understand that the cutscene is broken now my bad. its definately viable. i think having some sort of collider that stops you going of screen would be good since its a bit awkward.

presentation: the manual resolution you set makes the itch page scale really weird and in a way that is not good. i have to change my browser resolution in order to have the entire game on screen...

theme: none of the art is in so i feel like i can't really give any thoughts on that sorry!

engagement: i understand this is the skeleton, and i do think it will benefit from having the art in, but i also feel like there isn't really anything to explore or other interesting elements that warrent the map to be as big as it is with as many ways to go, since its a fetchquest game as it stands. some kind of enemy or other objective might help. i know theres also some dialogue and story as well so maybe that too!

viability: i found that when there was a corner i was trying to pass through to the next screen, sometimes the camera would stay behind and not follow the player, so i couldn't really see where i was or get unstuck and at one point i got scary stuck in the wall as well and the screen started like shaking. overall i found the core gameplay loop to make a lot of sense and i was engaged by that!

presentation: the objective was clear, and i found the game easy to understand what i was supposed to do. i think looking to see if theres a way to turn physics of your playeroff might be good since it was making the game really clunky to play with how the player was still experiencing gravity.

theme: aesthetics on point i love the style and the colors you went with its very charming and thematically appropriate!

engagement: i was engaged, but at points i did struggle a bit with the movement and camera issues which pulled me out of fully experiencing the game but those are very fixable things and then i think it will be incredibly fun!

-viability; i think that having text appear incrementally on screen is a bit tough to please all readers. i know i read really fast so having everything appear kinda slowly does get a little bit boring, but having stuff appear too quickly defeats the purpose. i think it could move a little bit quicker in the end. i also think on itch setting your game resolution to auto full screen when you run it might be a good idea since it doesn't really work well in the resolution you have set. you do have an error message appearing in game though :(

-presentation; yayyyy different colors for different character dialogues! i think it would be a good idea to change the display color of links players have already clicked since the color feels really saturated next to the light green.

-theme; i like having to make moral choices of what to put in this potion i think thats cool. it kinda matches the moody visual theme you've set

-engagement; i love the character voices you've written... they're really fun and i want to keep reading!

viability; i appreciate that you marked which passages aren't done so i didn't get stuck. i will say that seeing the plan for the ending Does get me stuck though... having a link that takes you back to the first passage for now might be a good idea :]

presentation: i'm really curious about what kind of images you'll add ! i like the part where the background color changes i thought that was really cool

theme; i like the basis for the story you're telling. i think that your color palette matches really well!

engagement; i'm engaged! this story feels vast in a way that encourages me to explore all the endings i could get and read all of the dialogue :D

-viability; its playable! i didnt get stuck anywhere which was awesome. you will fix the images it will work out

-presentation; i think it would be wise to also style the links that players have already clicked when they're replaying since the color really doesn't work with the aesthetic you've set. i also think making the hover text before you click a new link a little bit darker when its that light pink on green might be wise since its a bit hard to read >_< .the one link thats a "..." near the beginning is maybe a bit hard to notice since its bold and thats the indication to click but its kinda hard to tell.

-theme; i think it might be wise to set your default view to full screen in itch since it looks kinda weird when you open it ....or to figure out a custom size that works well with the resolution you want . the white background behidn the square is a little bit rough but i assume it isnt the final one?

-engagement; YESSS YAYY the well adjusted paragraph is so good. i like that it makes me have to scroll down to see the bottom. truly the most well adjusted reaction. i always like reading your writing and characters :3

-viability; i think having the affection show up as a number feels very mechanical and i think having an image of the griffin showing that its affection towards you has increased could make it a lot more compelling.

-presentation; i think some kind of visible affection element will make the game more compelling. i feel like having more dialogue around the griffin to give some kind of understanding about what the right course of action might be may help. since it feels a bit random with how its set up now and like i could just replay to get the good ending by picking the choices i might have not picked the first time instead of thinking more critically about what choice im making, which feels like its important in a choice based game. i'd also recommend spell checking all your text that appears in the game. 

-theme; its really simple, which i think works well for this. i like the font color you picked. i think it'd be cool if you can figure out how to change the text color of the links players have already clicked since they pull me out of your general aesthetic vision.

-engagement; i think i find myself wanting more from this, since the core loop is really simple, but i don't feel like any of the writing around the choices really strengthens or informs those choices. i think this can easily become really compelling though :0

-viability; it's playable! i think it'd be a good idea to proofread your text since idk if this is your final version or just placeholder text But you have a typo in hot topic with hazbin hotel you say "deas" instead of "dead". i think it'd be a good idea to decide if you're using correct punctuation or grammar or intentionally not using it and be consistent with it :]

-presentation; i think it will be a lot more cohesive with images :3 i worry a bit about the scope for you since its kinda a lot of images But also i think you can reassess if needed. 

-theme; the background color reminds me of your backpack. im excited for your images i think itll be really cute :3

-i think theres something you could add with either having a friendship bar or an inventory of the things you buy but also i understand if you dont want to overcomplicate it

-its viable. i assume you're gonna add more now that you have the formatting

-everything is easy to read and it makes sense to navigate.

-you have a clear structure youre working with, as well as a visual theme.i think just the thing about the timestamps

-its fun! i like reading :3 

-do you want me to show you how to add a hyperlink into your game Since i think that you can do it so people dont have to copy and paste the reader can just click instead of copying and pasting :]

-i like a lot of your choices and fake choices you have (only one option)  But i think you can push that even further and i'm excited to see how you do that. (like having choices that might be intrusive or their worst thoughts and then if you click them theres maybe internal dialogue before bringing you back to make the "correct" choice. Etc) 

-i think the timestamps could have a bit more contrast bc they kinda blend in and i kept not reading them and i think the timing is important since its online 

-epic burger concept i am excited