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This is a concept art for one of my VN characters, Mayor Brittle Star. He's a mayor of a small underwater town called Heaven Town.

Excerpt of the story:

"I see that everyone has gathered and are interested in The Mystery Grand Opening Ceremony! Well, it won't be a mystery anymore. I, Mayor Brittle Star, will reveal the product of the mystery project that has been going on for years!" a brittle star declared. There was a big lump covered by a cloth. That might have been the mystery product. All 100 residents of Heaven Town had gathered that day to witness The Mystery Grand Opening Ceremony. They were talking to each other about the new product. 

A commerson dolphin was one of the resident that wears an Oxygen helmet. She complained without saying it loudly, "It better be something useful. I can't believe we just let the government save our tax money for a surprise project."

A butterfish replied, "We can't do anything about it, Orca. It's the government. They have the power, unfortunately." Butter sighed.

Commerson responded, "First of all, for the 197th time, I'm not an Orca. Second, if they pull off something shitty, I'll organize another protest. I don't care if they don't listen. I want their actions to have consequences, no matter how small. Do you understand?"

I see there are 2d art, 3d art and music. Why not add a Writing Thread? It's also part of a game.

Today I started writing a story for my visual novel, Life in The Underwater Heaven. English is not my first language so my writing might be weird. Please give me some critique/suggestion

"I see that everyone has gathered and are interested in The Mystery Grand Opening Ceremony! Well, it won't be a mystery anymore. I, as the Mayor, will reveal the product of the mystery project that has been going on for years!" Mayor Brittle Star, a brittle star, declared.

Commerson, a Commerson's dolphin muttered, "It better be something useful. I can't believe we just let the government save our tax money for a surprise project."

Butter, a butterfish, replied, "We can't do anything about it, Orca. It's the government. They have the power, unfortunately."

Commerson responded, "First of all, for the 197th time, I'm not an Orca. Second, if they pull off something shitty, I'll organize another protest. I don't care if they don't listen. I want their actions to have consequences, no matter how small. Do you understand?"

Butter crossed his arms. He then said, "Fine, then. You can do what you want. I'm too tired to fight for my rights. Like literally. They won't listen to us. Never."

Commerson responded, "Suit yourself."

"Uncover the machine!" Mayor Brittle Star commanded his assistants. 

The assistants puled the cloth which was used to cover the machine. A weird-looking machine was revealed. It had a funnel, a screen, and some buttons on it. It also had two googly eyes.

"This is The Infinity Food Machine! Believe it or not, it can produce food out of thin air," Mayor Brittle Star explained.

"This sounds really suspicious. That's not logically possible," Commerson commented.

Butter said, "Who cares. As long as we get our food for free, it doesn't matter."

Commerson replied, "He never said it's free, though."

Thank you for the free copy!

Hello everyone! You can call me Warna/Netral/Warnanetral(they are my pennames). I'm interested in developing visual novels. Nice to meet you!