This was amazing, I really felt the same emotions our protagonist did as I went about reading this and that ending coming in to take out the joy and gusto from the first half of the story was just marvelous
I do have a soft-spot for the inspiration for the Eternal Dynasty, and I didn't want that to cloud my judgement here. I liked what this was building up to, but I feel like the ending could have dug deeper into the theme.
Now I could be wrong, but I believe in OPR lore the God-King and God-Queen are mortal enemies, thus they do not share an empire (the lore is a little vague so maybe they are two opposing political parties and not two separate kingdoms) I am no authority on this so don't sweat it, I really loved your piece regardless.
Thank you so much for all this feedback. I do have a habit of slipping into the wrong tense at times and that definitely backfired on me here. Additionally I have realized that I failed to inject my perspective on the story here, and that has spurred me to do some revision. I'd love to talk in detail about this but I'll leave it at that to save everyone reading a wall of text in the comments section.
It was a little confusing to follow at times and the links to the theme may have been lost to me, I still enjoyed what I was reading, the internal dialogue between the two personalities was fascinating.
I really enjoyed this read, however I became quite lost at the end, perhaps there is a lore reference I'm missing? I am just having a hard time understanding the reason why our heroes must now come to blows.
I did enjoy the moment of vindication when the enforcers were blown to smithereens (the dialogue there could have been a little clearer though). I also loved that these Brothers, unlike many of their peers, have a conscience and perhaps even a disdain for their master?
Very well written, I liked the initial battle the most and I was in awe of the main character's ruthlessness. I did get lost in some of the dialogue though, there was one paragraph where I couldn't keep track of who was speaking. Personally I found the ending a tad jarring given the main character's almost blind hatred throughout most of the story, but that's only my opinion.
Had me on the edge of my seat, I need to know how this ends! However I'm a little confused, at first it says it's a text log but on a couple of occasions it seems as though there is a visual component.
This really subverted my expectations, I found myself liking a faction I didn't think I'd enjoy in a setting I wouldn't normally have given a second thought.
I thought this was great, definitely one of my favorites of this round if not my absolute favorite. It's so intriguing that this wasn't about a playable faction.
