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A jam submission

A Rainy CatchView project page

The next night mission of the 17e Black Owl
Submitted by Taralic11 — 17 hours, 11 minutes before the deadline
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A Rainy Catch's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Concept & Originality#313.2693.350
Adherence to the Theme#342.6842.750
Flow & Clarity#352.3422.400
Overall#352.7652.833

Ranked from 20 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted

I liked the flow and movement of the battle scenes; the description was very professional and dry and I felt it well-suited the work of the professional mercenary soldiers. I think you have the beginnings of an intriguing engagement with the theme here. A group of mercenaries earning their way to redemption is a good way to explore what makes a person a "bad guy" in the view of society. You could have explored this concept more deeply though, especially considering the twist ending. To really engage with the theme, it would have been nice to see at least some hints if the Black Owls know who they're really working for, and if they feel it's a worthwhile trade.

There were some moments of real poetry in the descriptive language. The image of Devon's bullet touching the smuggler's leg like a blade was a powerful one. I also liked the conception of the towers of cargo containers growing and shrinking in always-changing, yet never-changing patterns as the dance of loading and unloading went on.

Submitted

though hard to read, i did enjoy this story. 

Submitted

I like the concept, however the execution leaves me wanting. I do love the cliff-hanger ending as well.

Developer

thank, next time i will keep in mind to work better on de delivery. Probably work on a ch2 

Submitted

I think this was a interesting concept, but it is obvious English is not your first language and it can be hard to read in places. I would suggest getting someone else to proof-read your work in the future if it's possible.

Developer(+1)

thank you for the comment and yes i will put someone on second reading next time. Writting is way harder than anticiped.

Submitted

Really great to see how much care was put in to all the details, but I felt lost in the specifics, and couldn't find a solid entry point. If this was a food, it would be dense, dry, and chewy.

Developer

I probably do a bad case of trying to much. As english is not my native writting i probably overdo it. thank for the comment next time a try a other way.