itch.io

Not a big fan of dwarves, but the story was amusing. Good job!

Thought it might be a darker story based off the beginning, but it turned out to be wholesome. 
Looks like a starter of a bigger story in a way. Well done.

That's... certainly a creative resource.

I dig it. Has a lot of the Industrial Era horror and I absolutely love it. Very good entry.

Reminded me of that one Prince of Persia movie, "Sands of Time" or something like that. Regardless, a very neat little story. Well done!

This looks like a winner to me. Probably the best one so far. Handled the text, the theme and the story very well. Not much to say, it's great!

Thanks for your feedback!
You've written a lot, so I can't really discuss everything here, but do know that I appreciate it and will take it to heart.

Man, do I love rats! 
Anyway, good entry overall, but please, use proper punctuation. At times there are several sentences fused together without a comma i sight, it makes reading way harder than it should be. But hey, I still loved your take on the Rats!

I only read the short version, so I'm sorry if the feedback isn't applyable to the extended version. First and formost: formating. Try making shorter paragraphs, try to not repeat the same words unless it has a meaning to the story, don't rush it too much. I feel like you could reformat this story into one that would still fit all the criteria and be easier and more enjoyable to read. But hey, it's still an interesting entry, good job.

I don't see that many stories about Sisters, so it's a welcome addition. Nice entry.

Nice entry, thank you for your work!

Thanks for your feedback! You're making a good point, I think I left too much of it for the previous two stories when I should've kept it more self-contained. Still, thanks for reading and I hope to improve by the next one!

Thanks for commenting and enjoying the story!

Thanks for your feedback! Yes, I love my flowery language and it shows, hahaha. I also agree that this story could've benefitted from having a bit more space. Other than that, I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

Gave this one fives all around. The reason is simple: it felt like reading an indoctrination and that is a very creative resource indeed. Very well done.

Very good and short descriptions of the surroundings made it easy to understand and fill in the blanks. Very well done!

Very good addition to the formula by using the notes, nice prose.

Great story! Felt as if I was reading ye 'olde Lovecraft shortstories again.

Nice and fun story. There are things here and there I'd change, but it's probably just because of different writing styles. Overall, good entry.

Glad you liked it!

And thank you for rating!

We're the rats!

My experience is quite alike to what SupNerds said. Very well done ending and flow of the story.

A lovely story! Very well described combat, I could almost FEEL it from reading it. Good job!

Thanks for your comment and kind words!

Good job on the ending. Everyone needs a bit of wholesomeness in their lives.

At first I was like "these sentences don't make sense!", but then I realized it was one huge poem! I'm not knowledgeable in prose in poems, but this is the most original take so far. Very well done.

Thanks for the reply!

To be honest, the poison was a last second add to make the reasoning of the character more clear, but your point is 100% valid. The commander could've felt dizzy because of it, maybe a stray description of someone collapsing.... But in the end, I'm happy you enjoyed the story and I hope that I'll be able to continue bringing joy to people every next jam I'll participate in!

Thank you!
The theme allowed me to put a twist for the positive instead for the negative, so I went with that. I'm certainly planning on continueing the series, but the story is completely dependent on what themes we'll get in the next jams.

Thanks for your reply!
Rats in OPR are relatively close to "good guys", so I tried to make them consistent in that regard. 

Glorious Rat-story. I could spot a typo every now and then, but it was clear enough.
Good entry, well done!

I didn't really understand what the star-thing was at the end, but I feel like it doesn't matter that much. What matters more is the flow of the story, which is very good in this case, and originality. Maybe make a sequel of this next time? 

Interesting read, though it wasn't always clear who's doing what.

The only work I read so far that reveals the theme very early on. Makes the work stand out and gives the time to explore the "what afterwards".
Well done!

Very interesting entry! Love how the story goes from "we fight each other because of coincidence" to "we coincidentally ended up working together". You also follow the theme well and the writing is clear and easy to read.
Well done.

I love my rats across all dimentions, galaxies and universes! Hahaha.
Thanks for the reply!

I'm not a drinking person either, but we might be onto something. Like mutual proofreading, for example ;) XD

Thanks for your rating.
As you pointed out, there were quite a few mistakes on my part when it came to grammar. This has never happened before and I am deeply ashamed. To receive such a high rating from you feels unreal, thanks again!
I also see that I can't access your story. May be because of the queue...

It has come to my attention that there are too many grammar errors in my entry. I'm extremely sorry for this.
It's unusual for me, but it looks like... The writing didn't go as planned, ahahaha. Anyway, beware the grammar.