Play book
Enemy of my Enemy's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Overall | #5 | 3.936 | 3.936 |
| Adherence to Theme | #5 | 3.962 | 3.962 |
| Flow & Clarity | #8 | 4.038 | 4.038 |
| Concepts & Originality | #19 | 3.808 | 3.808 |
Ranked from 26 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
Fun read, but this confused me a bit:
“Negative, Sigmund. If we fall back they get into the vault. Under no circumstance can that happen. I don't know why they want in there, but their folly could threaten this system! Hold your ground.”
Why is there a concern about the legions getting into the bunker/vault if they (humans) don't know what's in it? Yet are concerned the whole system may be at risk if they fail to defend it? It seems like there was a thought that might not have made it into the word count or got edited away?That's an excellent question, and thank you for the comment!
The Knights Numenarie did know the renegade machines were inside the Vault, they just didn't understand why the Robots wanted to unleash them, considering the machines are clearly hostile towards everything. So it was a question of them not understanding the motivations of their opposed force as opposed to not knowing what lay within the Vault.
Hopefully that makes sense?
it does so thank you for the added insight, and truly from the implication of the defenders actions it was clear it was of some import, it was just the way I read the phrasing I think that made me wonder why the character expressed it in that manner.
Well done!
That was a really fun read. It's a trope that risks getting old but never does in the right hands. I thought the description would be a spoiler, but was still surprised at the end, great story.
Hell yeah, nothing like subverting expectations with red herrings! Let's goooo!
Thank you for the compliment, it's very much appreciated!
Fantastic work, lovely prose, you should be proud of this!
Thank you, so much!!!
Good story! I think the multiple perspective changes is a little disorienting, especially in such a short scene, but it still read pretty smoothly overall. Jamming an entire battle into 1000 words ain't easy, so nice work.
Thank you, Toast! I definitely wouldn't mind getting to redo this story in a longer format where i can make the transitions clearer, but I'm honestly just glad it was a clear as it was!
A good learning experience!
Really enjoyed this, echoing other comments that the imagery is great and the ideas fantastic. Feels like you took the Battle Brother and Robot Legion concepts then made them your own.
Thank you Buggritt!that is high praise indeed!!
Absolutely superb. The basic premise was solid and then the little surprises thrown in kept the excitement up. Then the image of the castellan was beautiful and a great ending. Great stuff!
thank you so much, Ape!!
Excellent implementation of the theme! Pacing is also top-notch. Would not have expected to have a story about robots and battle brothers be one of my favorites so far. You could say... it was not part of the plan.
1- I see what you did there.
2- Aww thank you! I'm actually looking forwards to adapting my Knights Numenarie chapter as Prime Brothers (and my Arachnia Astra as Havoc Brothers) in future writing contests! And I think the Robot Legions are just so cool.
I'm glad i could do than some justice!
WOW the description of the slowly fragmenting ancient skin is so neat. This was very fun to read!!!
Thank you Felicity! I am to please, and I love my Knights Numenarie and their crystallization process.
I don’t see many Prime Brothers stories. It was a fresh take on what could have been really a stale subject due to certain model/game companies over use of similar style characters. I really enjoyed it.
Thank you!
I love playing around with the transhuman angle, but yeah, I didn't want to just make a bunch of gruff, xenophobic, sociopathic fascists. It's actually why I like GRIMDARK FUTURE'S Brothers: they are PEOPLE. And that's fun to write and I think it gives us a lot of latitude to write something new!
And I'm glad I made something you enjoyed!
This is definitely one of my favorite stories so far. The battle scene was expertly done and I enjoyed every line!
Aww, thank you! You dont know how much that made me grin!
Hey a Prime Brothers story, I was excited to read one of these, and you didn't disappoint!
This was a great story, your prose is clean, neat, and easy to follow. I think there's some wonderful imagery in there, I loved: "It gestured with a metal claw," ... "the rafters echoed with the thunder of their steps." Wonderful stuff.
The only issue I would say I had was keeping track of who was talking. Perhaps that was the point, but for some reason I was lost a bit and needed to do a few double takes. The dialogue itself is really well written, I think it just needed a few more dialogue tags is all.
Great work, and wonderful read.
Thanks, Coombsy! I appreciate that! And yeah, making the conversational tone flow naturally while keeping it clear was a struggle for me, since so many clarifiers Id normally put in had to be weighed against the scene descriptors for the shorter runtime, and cutting them felt ROUGH. I did what I could, especially in the end with Joachim & Anterron curtly referencing each other in each exchange, but I know there were some parts, especially with each talking to their lieutenants that was tougher to catch.
Thank you for your constructive feedback, and for the compliments! This has been a blast, the community has been so welcoming and I cant wait to join the next Writing Jam with you all!
Yeah it’s interesting what we consider fodder for the trash with such a small word count, right? Using just the essentials to me really establishes a writers voice, and yours is wonderful.
It’s been a lot of fun, right? From the writing, right up to the critiquing of others work, been a real blast. Hope to see you on the next Writing Jam!
Very interesting entry! Love how the story goes from "we fight each other because of coincidence" to "we coincidentally ended up working together". You also follow the theme well and the writing is clear and easy to read.
Well done.
Thanks for the high praise, Grizlibier! Its much appreciated and Im glad Ive managed to shake off most of my short story writing rust!
Cheers!
For Any Interested (Dont let it affect your vote, please), the art pieces I made for this jam are "OMNIOUS COVER IMAGE" & "A NEW FOE EMERGES".
Feel free to download them after you vote! I think they're pretty cool!
I really liked the "But we are free" moment. Unexpected.
Thank you! I really appreciate that! I was trying to go for an unexpected twist, and within 1000 words its tough to do it really well, but Im content with what I did with how little space I had to work within.