itch.io

Tratare de escribir 2 versiones tanto en ingles como en español, ya que alguien podría estar interesado en leer mi comentario.

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I will try to write two versions, one in English and one in Spanish, since someone might be interested in reading my comment.

Español:

Me encanto la historia.

Si bien el arte no es que destaque demasiado durante el transcurso del juego, le da un toque de estética único que combina perfectamente con la historia en general y la naturaleza de la misma.

A su vez que, la novela pueda dar una tensión e incomodidad en ciertos puntos donde los escenarios lo requieran y ese es el punto fuerte de la escritura.

Se me fue difícil de leer ciertos escenarios, y eso es lo que me encanta. Ya que no se limita, explora mas allá hasta saber a que punto puede llegar la cordura de alguien para cometer tales acciones.

Los personajes también son únicos y expresivos, y de hecho me hizo lograr empatizar con cada uno de ellos y como se ayudan mutuamente para poder salir adelante y mas con el segundo protagonista: Amberock.

Al igual que Reyald, que si bien no es que tenga tanto desarrollo como persona, creo que se comprende el porque debido a como se narra su historia, hay algo que lo limita a seguir adelante y se siga estancando una y otra vez.

Diría que es el mas complejo e interesante y el autor ha sabido abarcarlo bien. (Un punto positivo y fuerte, buen trabajo!)

Aunque claro, como es de esperarse hay algunas cuantas cosas que posiblemente hay que corregir. Como puede ser el uso de algunas jergas o modismos. Que si bien puede justificarse de Amberock debido a su personalidad, hay ocasiones donde la narración se usa tan a seguido que usualmente pareciera que se sale del personaje en si. (Esto solo se centra en la traducción en español en si, mas no el ingles ya que no lo he jugado en ese idioma)

Pero en todo lo demás se sintió espectacular e interesante como se abarca la historia.

Gran trabajo y espero con ansias la próxima actualización.

De un desarrollador a otro te mando mis felicitaciones!

English:

I loved the story.

The art doesn't particularly stand out during the game, but it lends a unique aesthetic touch that perfectly complements the overall story and its nature.

The novel also manages to create tension and unease at certain points where the scenes demand it, and that's the writing's strength.

I found some scenes difficult to read, and that's what I loved about it. It doesn't hold back, it explores further to see how far someone's sanity can go to commit such actions.

The characters are also unique and expressive, and I actually empathized with each of them and how they help each other to overcome their challenges, especially for the second protagonist, Amberock.

The same for Reyald too. Who, while not as developed as some characters. I think it's understandable why, since the way his story is narrated makes it clear that something is holding him back, preventing him from moving forward and causing him to stagnate repeatedly. I'd say he's the most complex and interesting character, and the author has handled him well. (A strong point, great job!)

Of course, there are a few things that could be improved. For example, the use of some slang or idioms. While this might be justifiable for Amberock due to his personality, there are times when the narration uses them so frequently that it often seems to deviate from the character. (This only applies to the Spanish translation itself, not the English. Since I haven't played it in that language)

But in every other aspect, the story felt spectacular and interesting.

Great work, and I eagerly await the next update.

From one developer to another, I send you my congratulations!

Thank you! I always try to interact as much as possible, even though it's sometimes difficult for me, hehe.

I don't think it will take me too long. I'll mostly evaluate this topic a bit before the next update, since if it's included in the game, the tag of the game might change to adult. 🤔

But I don't mind, though, as long as I can provide new content for the players ;)

I suppose I can give a small spoiler. 😉

These are exclusive scenarios for the Christmas extra and just for the main routes.

I still need to discuss well with the artist who is helping me and see if we can do that, or if it's just for the most beloved character in the game.

If we go with the second option, I'll announce it here, don't worry!

Aww, thank you for your kind words and your feedback on the patch so I can evaluate it! :D

I promise to be more active this new year for you all! 😁

Here's my review of Fraxia and what I've read so far.

It's not bad, but it needs more improvements in the story presented, as some events feel rushed at times.

However, I must admit the novel creates a sad atmosphere, particularly the protagonist's isolation from the world, which makes one empathize with him.

Regarding the characters, I'll only mention two since they're the most relevant.

The father, while he sometimes seems to play a significant role because he knows the real reasons why the protagonist can't leave and must keep him protected, the story doesn't take full advantage of this situation and mostly focuses on the protagonist's daily life. There could be more interactions, or even for the protagonist to investigate at least a little before uncovering the truth.

As for the best friend of the protagonist, I also see her as somewhat neutral. As the story progresses, there isn't much connection with her, and she comes across more as a problem due to the various bad situations she gets the protagonist into.

But of course, there are certain good moments that help him stand out, helping the protagonist become more confident and bringing some happiness to his world.

I hope there will be more good times with her if the opportunity arises. Great job!

The novel seems to have a clear objective at first glance, something as simple as a quest, but as it progresses, it also adds a message to the reader about hatred and negative comments.

This is a very good message, and I was able to understand the reason for the game's title, but due to its short length and the sudden change of scenery just to convey the message at the end, it probably doesn't completely convince the reader, especially since the screen time for each character hasn't been used effectively, as the story is usually narrated from the protagonist's point of view, but however, the intention is still clear.

I would recommend expanding and refining the introductory setting, as I was somewhat confused about how the plot began, I don't know if this is due to my limited English. (since I thought I was in the lizard's shoes, but in the end, I realized I was the cat witch)

I also see a great effort, especially with the interface you've presented.

Because it looks disruptive, and I love it.

Although it could be improved for Android, as the text can be somewhat difficult to read there. Good job!

The game has a great interface and a way to adapt to the reader's preferences, and it looks absolutely fantastic!

However, the story feels rushed.

Making it difficult to fully explore the relationship between the main characters, which prevents their chemistry from really shining through.

Another issue is the secondary characters who only appear in certain scenes or who coincidentally serve to advance the plot.

While I don't necessarily object to this, their limited use for this purpose makes them feel wasted.

Despite this, the story is entertaining and heartwarming when the characters interact. It's possible the story will be updated based on the ending I saw, so I'm eager to see how the relationships develop and learn more about the other characters, so they aren't solely dependent on the main ones.

Great job!

Due the story is short, I can't elaborate much on this visual novel.

But it's good! Fulfills its purpose of conveying a message about our current world.

Although the ending saddened me, it's...realistic.

Great work 🙂

Hmm...

I don't have words at the rollercoaster of emotions I felt while reading this entire novel.

But I must admit, I was thoroughly entertained, and it even made me laugh because the story's genre shifted unexpectedly at certain points. 😄

And that ending...

Well, I can't ask for much more. It was a bit rushed, but I'm not complaining since the protagonist partly wanted it that way.

But I enjoyed the romantic/comedy aspect of this story. Well done!

A friend who worked on this project recommended I play it and see what I thought.

And I won't lie, it was great!

Sure, it felt a bit rushed in certain areas, and there are some plot holes that aren't explained well as the story progresses, but the smooth flow, thanks to the time jumps, didn't make me notice it too much.

And that final message...was beautiful.

The music was excellent, and the environments were fantastic, perfectly matching the game's theme. Although the songs with lyrics can glitch in some parts if you roll back or when you try to hide the interface to view the BGs, but besides of that it's a great project especially considering it was only completed in a month.

Tavios, you really went for the kinky stuff this time...

I think I liked it, lol.

Well, I won't say much about it since we already talked about the project lastly.

The writing is short and a bit weak in some parts, not to mention the lack of music, but I enjoyed reading the scenarios.

But as you mentioned, you'll polish it little by little, even though it will take time...

That's all I can say.

P.S.: Hmm? I wonder why a certain character reminds me to someone? 🤔😏

Here's my comment on what I read.

First of all, the music: it's fantastic, it really enhances the different scenarios of the story, and now I see why you decided to share a playlist (though I hope they're royalty-free to avoid any legal issues hehe).

But on the other hand, the story.

Well, I can't say much about it. It's not very engaging, and it's not clear what you're trying to convey with the story.

The backstory of the two protagonists isn't very well understood either. It's obvious there's something going on, but the VN doesn't explain it or give any clues, it just throws it at the reader without any idea why one protagonist is doing what they're doing.

Another thing to point out is the slang. Including it isn't bad, but it shouldn't be overused, as some readers are from different places and might not understand some of the words, making it difficult for them to read.

I recommend that for the next update you try to focus on restructuring the story well, the character dialogues, and narrator mode very well, since certain dialogues make the character feel out of place.

I hope this helps, don't give up!

The game's title misled me a little, I won't lie.

But I liked the narrative you wanted to show about the reality behind the development of not only furry novels, but visual novels in general, along with the art development.

And it's nice to see that it's one of your first projects and you're trying to convey a message that could be useful for many developers out there who have projects in mind but are afraid to publish them or feel sad because their project isn't going the way they want.

Thanks also for reminding me of some things I had gradually forgotten as a developer. Great work!

By the way, did you do the voice acting yourself? Because it sounds very natural and spectacular: 10/10.

The plot is short but somewhat interesting, as it deals with addiction and its side effects, a theme I haven't encountered in a visual novel (at least not for me, but there might be others out there).

However, I feel the theme isn't fully executed?

I think this is due to the short length, as the ending felt rushed, but the message you want to convey is clear.

If you plan to expand the story further, that would be great! As the brevity prevented me from fully connecting with the protagonist. Good work.

Wow! I didn't think the story was finally finished, but great job!

It took me about an hour and a half to finish reading or maybe more, and it definitely kept me in suspense and excited the whole time.

Although I do feel like the ending was a bit abrupt? Since they didn't give us any more details about what happened next, but maybe those questions will be answered in the extras you'll add in the future.

Great work, and congratulations on finishing the main story of your project!

Sure.

I'll probably DM you through Bluesky later, since it's the social network I find you most active.

A Discord server can also serve as a medium for other users who are interested in reporting bugs that are a bit more complex and difficult to explain in the future.

There are some bugs in the reputation screen.

When you select each character's interface at a time and then try to exit the screen by clicking "Return", it redirects you to each character's description interface, and you can't exit that loop until you press "Return" several times.

This is because the screens aren't hidden when they jump in each screen.

I could record a video to explain this better, but I don't know if itch io allows it.

Another bug is in a decision with timer?

If the time runs out, the game crashes, and Renpy throws a text file indicating the possible errors.

I'd like to explain how to fix these bugs, since I have some experience programming Renpy.

If you're interested, you can contact me and I'll see if I can help if you want.

This is the first time I've reviewed a VN that's heavily focused on NSFW content, but I always like to give constructive feedback on projects where an author has put passion and effort into it.

For your first project and a demo I loved most of the writing, as it took me about an hour and a half to read the routes, interactions, and the partially hidden sections.

However, there's some spelling errors and the lack of music, which is one of the essential components to feeling the emotion of the moment in the corresponding scenarios.

But it's all appropriate for what you want to build and design in the story.

Regarding the characters, I still need to see more in future updates for them to be remarkable, but they fit the introductory function.

As for the visual novel, there's still a lot to polish, especially in the interfaces and code, as I've noticed a lot of bugs with the reputation system and the quick menu screens. I'll provide more details in the Bugs section later.

For the future plans I've read about, you'd have to first see if it's feasible to implement it within your novel, as there are certain mechanics that require more complex coding, not only using Renpy but also Python.

However, it's up to you as a developer whether you want to do it or seek help with that.

Great work, Munch!

P.S. I almost forgot, but do you think you could expand your visual novel to other platforms? I know Android can be very difficult to export, and you can do it later, but when it comes to Mac or Linux, it's easy to do since it uses the same process as the PC version.

This way, you can make your visual novel accessible to a wider audience without relying on just one platform.

For a first version, I loved the story's narrative, along with its artistic style.

Each of the characters shown seems interesting, although only one doesn't stand out enough, but it seems like he'll become more relevant later in the story.

As for the world structure, I can't say much. But that's because it's an introductory section and focused on the protagonist and his establishment in the current environment, his story, and the possible plot that will have weight within the visual novel.

Although, I feel like I was expecting something more than what was shown, and I think it's because I saw some showcases that were related to this? But you're probably saving that for later, so I'm looking forward to what you have in store for the next update.

I'll give a brief review because it's in an early phase, hehe.

The story so far hasn't been that interesting due to the short length of the visual novel itself.

The only noteworthy thing I could highlight would be the interaction between the two main characters, although there isn't much to discover except for the backstory the main character hides.

The art is decent, along with the music that fits well with the scenarios shown.

Will there be more characters beyond those already shown? I'll have to find out later, but I think it's the only thing I can highlight for now.

I'm looking forward to a next update and an expansion of the story so I can give my full review in writing. Let inspiration flow over you! 😁

Let's see, I had to do a little research on which movie you based it on since I didn't know it existed until now.

And the premise might be interesting, as long as you know how to structure it, since it's about vampires.

I can't say much about the music, art, and scenarios since it's still in development and you're trying to get help to improve it, but I can say that the novel's strong point is the writing; you know very well how to narrate and express every emotion the protagonist feels.

Although I would like for the next update to focus not only on that but also to have interaction between each character, to have them speak and not limit everything to what the narrator says.

The only negative thing I can say about the novel is that it doesn't allow you to read each dialogue slowly.

This is because you're using the "{nw}" text tag and I suggest you remove it, as it doesn't allow you to enjoy it slowly.

I would only suggest using that type of text tag in scenarios where a certain character interrupts another character or if something abrupt happens in a certain scenario.

I hope my feedback helps.

Good luck with your first project, and welcome to the world of Furry Visual Novels, dear developer :)

P.S. One more thing, I would suggest you change your username and other things where your project is located to facilitate access to readers who want to read your novel, since it is impossible to find it through the search engine. I don't know if this is because the game is public or can only be accessed through a link.

Sorry for the delay, but there were issues uploading the files. This bug should now be fixed.

Thanks for letting me know.

I'll try to fix it as quickly as possible and upload a new version. 🙂

Cycles.

It's not a bad fanfic VN of Echo but the version I'm reading doesn't offer a very concise story, or well, only in certain scenarios. But they'll probably improve that a lot with the next update they release, and I'm looking forward to it.

I liked the story.

You've presented each character that appears in each setting very well, and even though everything takes place in the world of Echo, you don't get too attached to the characters of themselves. You try to tell a new story based on it, which perfectly adds a fresh air.

I've seen one FVN that tries to apply the same formula arounds the world of Echo, but it doesn't have the same execution as the one I'm seeing in this game, since I think it focused more on the CG than the writing in general.

And here's my other point.

The writing and CGs: While the game lacks of CGs, it doesn't really need it since the plot itself is already interesting, especially with the backstory of the two protagonists, the mystery surrounding it, and many things I'd like to say but might be a spoiler for people who haven't played it yet.

The plot is also moving along well, with a sense of drama, mystery, and as is typical the suspense or psychological horror.

Regarding the sprites and music: The music is fine, but in the sprites there's a problem. The type of drawing that is being applied looks adequate with everything that is being told (such as astronomy or mysticism), but there are times where it cannot be displayed correctly due to the backgrounds, so one of the solutions that I could suggest is to give a dark fill to the sprites or a way to make them look correct in the scenarios. (although well, I know that they are possibly temporary sprites and you want to change the style but it is worth giving a suggestion here, hehe)

In short: Great work presenting your story. You still need to improve certain visual aspects, as I mentioned with the sprites, and possibly give the protagonist more backstory, since I still don't understand his "power" or how he obtained it.

P.S. I was surprised to hear about your game, as it's pretty under the radar and isn't in the FVN database. I recommend registering your game there, and you might get more visibility when you upload an update to your visual novel.

I also recommend again exporting your games to other platforms like Mac, Linux, and Android. Relying on a single platform limits the number of users who want to try your project and don't have a computer or have another operating system.

For the first time, I appeared in the credits, thanks Tavios!

This update shows you've been focusing more on the story, as it's noticeable due to a drop in CG quality, but I think it's understandable given everything you've been through last month, so I can understand that.

Also, it seems you've been focusing more on the story's plot now, which is giving me clues that something huge is coming in Part 2 of Chapter 3 and 4.

I'm looking forward to hearing how it develops. Keep it up and don't forget to drink water 😎

I know it wasn't just a simple game of words! 😎

The plot is entertaining but confusing at first, although it ultimately serves its purpose by introducing us to the central point of the story and how it unfolds.

And I must admit that I fell for it at first with what they present to us later on, but little by little I began to deduce it until I reached an ending and...

Umm, a bit rushed I'd say, but it doesn't completely kill the atmosphere.

Although I understand that's because you did it at the last minute, Jerbear.

Or it was because you were busy or procrastinating, who knows? 🤭

Once again: Great work, Jerbear!

Edit: Looks like I can't rate your project because I have six more left to read. I'll try to read the ones you recommend until I get to your game!

Let it go, eh?

The premise is interesting. I thought it might be some kind of zombie adventure, but it would reveal the plot twist in which all this unfolds.

Without giving away spoilers, despite the short story, it's enjoyable in terms of the message it wants to convey to the reader.

While there might be some plot holes regarding the world where all this is told or how this whole mess the protagonist and his "boyfriend" are involved in came about, but it's not a major problem. Great work!

I loved the story.

It presents a premise that, while well-known like any other visual novel, is still excellent when executed.

The characters have an interesting backstory that was well developed despite being a short story, which I loved, and I'm eager to learn more about each of them.

The only negative point I could point out is that sometimes the side images to the left of the dialogue cover up areas of the text, which only rarely occurs and is resolved with the voices but it's still annoying, but not overwhelmingly so.

The voices were also excellent, although only one stood out better than all the others: Ruth. However, I won't discredit the merits of the others, as it's clear they tried to fully immerse themselves in each character's shoes.

In short: Great visual novel, excellent characters, voice actors, and plenty of potential for the future.

Good point!

I wasn't planning on adding a teacher as a possible mentor or character who's also in charge of the club because, well, I didn't take that into account, to be honest. 😅

But maybe there is someone who qualifies as a mentor who supports the club but in a hidden way, and that would be "Guardian", since his story goes beyond just being a security guard and has a closer relationship within the club before of a certain incident.

It's unlikely there'll be a romantic route like that, but it's possible to add it as an additional story, as in the Furry Visual Novel Homecoming Morenatsu with Ten's story.

I've already read the new chapter; it's improved very well!

That's why I've edited the rating I gave it earlier.

I'm looking forward to the next update to see how it will improve with all the feedback you've received.

Well, it appeared in my recommended ones and I decided to give it a try!

But this time I will go a little more focused on the story.

And I honestly feel like the story of the game is...flat?

The concept of loving yourself is interesting, of course! But I feel that the execution doesn't look so attractive and the protagonist does not empathize much with wanting to know himself or trying to see what is wrong with him.

Perhaps if you find an angle more focused on self-reflection or in which "Buddy" could be a guide so that he can broaden his horizons, they will be more than welcome and would enrich the story.

That would only be the downside! Since your writing has improved excellently with each project you release.

Good work, Tavios!

The game seems to have a premise about transsexuality.

A representation of self-acceptance and your likes.

Although the game tries to do this along with references to politics I feel that the execution is not that good.

I wouldn't be able to give some suggestions on how to improve or expand it since it's the first time I play a visual novel related to this theme, perhaps it could focus on better interaction or a broader self-discovery not only of the protagonist, but also of the character that accompanies him.

Finally, it would be to improve the grammar and make a few corrections to the text.

But still great game, but it can improve as I said.

Here my analysis regarding Bear My Breath.

I'll be honest.

The beginning was uncomfortable of read.

Because I feel like the visual novel was a combination of the story and fantasies of the own author of the game?

And that was one of the main problems that made it difficult for me to read, since the type of relationship there was with the 2 characters presented in the story felt very rushed.

Although I have a theory that this was intentional because of what the story tries to unfold in the town where these things happen.

Almost halfway through the game this takes a normal and fluid direction, which is why the visual novel ends in an acceptable way, just I feel that the ending is very rushed.

But as the description of your game says, it seems that you plan to expand it so you may fix it in the future. 

In summary: It's a decent story but it needs a little polishing in the introductory part, especially with one of the characters in the story since he only appeared for a moment and was forgotten from there, and try not to combine too much the fantasies that I mentioned earlier since it felt a little strange to read, maybe reduce it or give a good development of how this love story originates.

That's all I can say, improve your project and see you in the next update for a new rate!

Oh I understand!

I had seen that video before but I was surprised that you used it in your VN.

But hey, it was a good start for a game ;)

Alright. I will try to be as objective as possible to help you improve as far for the future of your project.

1. Grammar: You need to polish it a lot. I have been noticing many deficiencies in this topic mostly due to the lack of capital letters and punctuation.

Another issue could be the colors of the character names. I think this may be due to the use of the blank text box, since the name of the characters can vaguely be displayed at least from my perspective. (I think in the the renpy launcher has the ability to change the GUI theme without creating a new project.)

2. The story: In part is okay but the execution is not very interesting, this may be due to the lack of sounds or possibly due to the lack of some sprites or scenarios that represent the narration of certain parts of the story.

3. The music: I don't have any negative points about it, in fact I think it goes well in each corresponding scenario. Because is one of the strongest points that the VN has that made me continue reading the entire story.

In itself it's not a bad VN but it can improve.

Is understandable since it is your first project but it's appreciated that you have published a fragment of what will be your future game.

Keep it up and don't get discouraged, I know you can improve for the next update!

If I could define the experience I had with this VN it would be 3 words: I loved it.

The way you describe the story and the interaction with each character is very entertaining!

I would say that it is one of the few VNs that makes me feel that way, it's like I was watching an animated television series when I was a child.

I also liked the scenarios and GUI's, it seems that there has been an improvement in quality than your other VN which is worth admiring.

The only thing that could be negative would be certain transitions in the dialogues, since there are certain pauses in each part of the dialogue that makes it a little difficult to read for me (since I had to increase the speed of the text to be able to read the dialogues complete)

That would be my entire rating on this VN, it turned out excellent!

P.S. The video of the intro when you start the game made me laugh a little. I think it was because it caught me off guard 😂

Hello, thanks for stopping over here and enjoying the game!

For answer your question, during Act I (Month 1 - September) the 3 routes are being developed continuously, so in each update there will be a progress of the story of the 3 routes available at the same time, as it's in the Demo.

And during a certain point in the story, between Act II or III (Month 2, 3 - October, November) probably I take the decision of develop the story of 1 route at a time for the game (due to to the endings I have in mind).

I know the answer sounds a little vague, but I try to avoid saying any spoilers that I have in mind for the game, hehe.

Once again, thank you very much for playing and also enjoying Kaito's character.

I have many plans for him during the development of the game.

What a great game!
There are many details that I love.
Such as the art, the music and above all, the story.
Although there are some who mention that they compare it to Danganronpa.
I don't see a problem with you being inspired by it (if that were the case), keep working on the story.

I'm dying to know how you will establish the mechanics of deciding who lives or who dies.

Will it be a linear story? There will be more research mechanics?
I look forward to finding out in the next update!

It looks more remarkable.

So it's okay for now 👍