Here's my comment on what I read.
First of all, the music: it's fantastic, it really enhances the different scenarios of the story, and now I see why you decided to share a playlist (though I hope they're royalty-free to avoid any legal issues hehe).
But on the other hand, the story.
Well, I can't say much about it. It's not very engaging, and it's not clear what you're trying to convey with the story.
The backstory of the two protagonists isn't very well understood either. It's obvious there's something going on, but the VN doesn't explain it or give any clues, it just throws it at the reader without any idea why one protagonist is doing what they're doing.
Another thing to point out is the slang. Including it isn't bad, but it shouldn't be overused, as some readers are from different places and might not understand some of the words, making it difficult for them to read.
I recommend that for the next update you try to focus on restructuring the story well, the character dialogues, and narrator mode very well, since certain dialogues make the character feel out of place.
I hope this helps, don't give up!