There is something special about indie games in general I think :3 I haven’t managed to play as much as you, but whenever I’ve paused to try and check out stuff other devs have made for game jams and things, I’m always blown away by the sheer effort, passion, and imagination in everyone’s stories! In many ways, I think I now enjoy playing indie VNs more than I do the big commercial Japanese titles that originally got me into the genre :D
I’m gonna sound kinda ancient by saying this, but back when I first decided to try and make a VN, I’d largely exhausted the VNs available to play at the time xD or at least within the genres I was interested in reading, and there really wasn’t much in the way of Western/OELVNs around at all. Nowadays I’m spoiled for choice, haha. My backlog is so big at this point that I’m not sure if I’ll ever conquer it x3 But it’s amazing to see so many awesome games coming to life by such a huge array of incredible people!
You are a joy machine :D hehe. Well, you’re not a machine, of course x3 but you definitely spread a lot of joy with your videos :3 It’s difficult for me to find the right words to describe your videos and the way you come across in them, but just the way you are always resonates with me :3 You’re always so genuine and relatable! And the way you present stuff makes it feel as though you’re watching a video from a friend right from the first video you jump into! It’s very cosy and comforting ^-^
I should also congratulate you on your 30k+ subs cos that is HUGE! And very much deserved :3 I hope as time goes on that even more people will be able to discover and enjoy your content :D
Aww x3 Well, I hope you do give yourself the time to rest and treat yourself when you’ve finished and released a new video cos it must be heaps of work! It’s crystal clear that you pour a lot of love and passion into your content :3
There are a fair few endings in Tunnel Vision to be fair, and some are impossible to get all in one playthrough. It made me smile when you made a comment along the lines of wondering what would happen if you didn’t pick anything and let everything time out because there is an ending specifically for that xD
I can’t believe you played Sapphire Snowe too x3 I don’t know why but I just imagined that not many people would play that one due to the kind of content >.< and I definitely didn’t think anyone would ever do a video playthrough of it!!
I’m comfortable with anything/everything being shown :3 that’s very sweet of you to ask btw! Sometimes I wonder if I’m a bit TOO open about my mental health stuff >.< but then I think to myself, well, it’s not like I’m forcing it on people, and I feel like in the society I live in, people could do with discussing their mental health more openly in general because, while things have improved a little over the years, there’s still a lot of stigma surrounding the topic >.< and I hate the thought of anyone suffering in silence feeling like they can’t speak about their feelings and experiences.
I don’t really want to be seen as one of those types of people who won’t shut up about stuff, haha, but at the same time, I don’t see any point in hiding those sorts of personal things because they’re a part of who I am and go a long way towards explaining why I have difficulty dealing with different things. I’d much rather be open and honest about stuff so people know I’m like X because of Y, rather than people drawing inaccurate conclusions or anything cos it does suck if people end up thinking negatively of you for the wrong reasons.
Like at school, I think people viewed me as a mixture of shy and aloof or stuck up/disinterested, but it wasn’t like that >.< I had extreme social anxiety and struggled to communicate x3 it’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s that I couldn’t because I didn’t know how, haha. I even had to write a letter to my wider family explaining how bad my social anxiety is, and about my ASD, because when we have family gatherings, I often just sit in a corner and don’t contribute anything. It would be so easy to think I was just being rude, but that’s not what’s going on, it’s that I don’t know how to join in unless someone actually brings me into the conversations x3
Anyways, I’m rambling, sorry x3
If I could give you a gigantic hug back then I would! All I can do is send you *maximum virtual hugs* x3 I’m sorry you went through something similar though >.< I wouldn’t wish that kind of thing on anyone! No one should end up feeling that way :( That’s so cool that you took the name Espoir from that project though! If I’m being completely honest, I didn’t even know you had that project until reading what you wrote just now >.< but I had a peek at the page and it looks incredible! I’m definitely gonna have to make time for the demo at some point, especially knowing how important of a piece it is to you :3 I hope you’re able to finish it someday at your own pace so it can grow with all the love and care that I’m sure you’ll give it <3
It means a lot that you could feel that sort of essence of working through mental struggles in Sapphire Snowe :3 I always feel like I can never quite do justice to the things as they appear in my head when I get them into game form, haha. It’s like no matter how hard I try, they never come out quite right >.< and I really worried with this, the fact that I tried to make it to a jam timeframe might’ve hampered my efforts. I know it helped me process a lot of my feelings at the time, but it was hard to know if I should actually make it into something to be released publicly x3
I had hoped that it might come across as soothing in a similar way for players as it was for me making it, but I know that would be heavily dependent on individuals since everyone’s experience of life is completely unique to them. In the end, I just figured that it can’t really do any harm releasing it as long as I make sure to include all the appropriate triggers and warnings stuff, and if it somehow resonates with even 1 person, then it was worth putting it out there :3
When I think about it, I find it quite hard to even accept that strangers might love or cherish me and/or what I do x3 It seems insane to me when I just see myself as this little weirdo pootling on through life kinda lost but trying my best to keep going, haha. I guess that’s my terrible self-esteem talking though! I don’t really feel like I do anything worthy of being loved or cherished >.< and I struggle to give myself any credit or congratulations. I’m working on it though xD along with trying to take care of myself a bit better, haha. Even if it might not always seem like it, everyone’s kind words, like yours, genuinely do make a big difference :3 It helps me see myself and what I make in a light that I find hard to on my own.
And more than that, I can take everyone’s kindness and use it as a weapon to fight back against my evil brain demons that have the hobby of attempting to put me down x3 When they say stuff like I’m a useless waste of space, instead of sitting there thinking, yeah, you’re right, I can remember everyone’s caring words and stand my ground to say, actually, no I’m not, damn it, because X, Y, and Z, haha. It’s like holding on to a lantern that can fight off the darkness. It can’t completely swallow me up as long as I have that light of hope and positivity to carry with me :3
Please don’t feel like you have to respond to my ramble wall anyhow x3 Just know that I think you’re amazing and I appreciate you and everything you do <3 I hope you’re also taking care of yourself!!