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This game is good, and i'm depressed.(i made an account because of this.)

i am from the philippines and it seems the creator too,(i guess)

I have a depression since i was 6 years old, i am so depressed and tired of my life.

Keep talking to myself saying "Why do i exist? do i need to live? i'm nothing, i'm useless, i'm helpless, i'm a mistaken child, i don't deserve a family. I just want to die while smiling, my heart hurts so bad every night i cry ti'll my eyes hurt. But this is fine, i want to be tortured." Sometimes i  laugh insanely and hurt myself badly, i'm so tired so i promised myself when 3 strike, i kill myself. There's 2 strikes and my end is coming near, i keep giving up because of bully. They judge me for who i am, but they only became my friend because i'm funny. I have a one best friend, who only truly understands me, i am addicted to online games because people who's on online games understands me too like my best friend. I have a one classmate who likes to ruin everything to my life, and i always smile even it hurts. This is true, "The nicest person gets hurt a lot the most." When i was 8 i point a  knife into my neck, but my family came so it didn't happen. If i didn't kill myself and i turned 18, i'll start killing people. I'm just wasting my life, promise aren't meant to be broken, so i did the 3 strike. I always sing when i'm alone because they hate when i sing, but sing well. But they do not like me so they don't like anything to me, my parents only cares about my grades. So i don't tell anything about my exams or anything, because when they see it, they're dissapointed and probably ground me. My family keep saying to me "Your nothing but a naive child!" "Your so stupid!" "You don't know nothing in the world!" "your so lazy!" my sister agrees too..."youre so annoying" "i won't ever love you" "buy your own!" "faster! i don't have much time!" "ahaha your ugly ____." i have many more problems in this world, can't fight my depression. "I'm not perfect, they want me to be perfect."
Sadness is always on me

Knifes always in my body

Words In my body

People hate me

i just want to die.

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Please don't kill yourself. You never know, something good might be waiting for you in the future. Have you seen a doctor/therapist? I think getting professional help would be good for you.

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I didn't get any Doctor/therapist, i'm only 11.. but i think like a mature person.

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You can try this service: https://www.7cups.com

But I recommend going to a licensed therapist and talking about this with your parents. If you are unable to talk about this with your parents please go to your local counselor (if you have a school counselor you could try that) or contacting a crisis center. You may refer to this link if ever you feel suicidal again: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

You need to take steps to get better. It's ultimately your choice. Please take care of yourself.

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I don't want anyone in real life to know this... i'm scared...  if my parents knew about this i don't think they'll get worried.. they'll..... ..... ......

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You need someone to talk to about this. Preferably a professional.

I suggest checking this link out: http://www.silakbo.ph/help/

I hope you get help soon. Sorry if I can't personally help you...

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Thank you for your help but, i'll just stay like this.