I didn't get any Doctor/therapist, i'm only 11.. but i think like a mature person.
You can try this service: https://www.7cups.com
But I recommend going to a licensed therapist and talking about this with your parents. If you are unable to talk about this with your parents please go to your local counselor (if you have a school counselor you could try that) or contacting a crisis center. You may refer to this link if ever you feel suicidal again: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
You need to take steps to get better. It's ultimately your choice. Please take care of yourself.
I don't want anyone in real life to know this... i'm scared... if my parents knew about this i don't think they'll get worried.. they'll..... ..... ......