I really enjoyed your story! I must admit I'm not sure what faction your story was meant to represent within the OPR worlds but it was a fun read.
Play Short Story
Initiation: A Short Story's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Overall | #1 | 4.184 | 4.184 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #1 | 4.448 | 4.448 |
| Concept & Originality | #3 | 4.241 | 4.241 |
| Flow & Clarity | #7 | 3.862 | 3.862 |
Ranked from 29 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
wow. that was very interesting. he saw clearly, but where will it lead him now? a wonderful story
Submitted
A Question of PeaceA very interesting take on the theme of reflection and one that hits all the right notes to give a twisted view of such an order's mentalities. Nothing was over done or described, and that only made for a far more...eerier tone.
I love it.
Submitted
Duty of a SoldierThis was a very well-written and powerful work. I really enjoyed your clever exploration of reflection and its relationship to self, truth, and art.
Submitted
Glass and LiesYour execution of the theme was great! Your literal take on the "reflection" was done in an interesting way. The prose flowed well and contributed to the eerie the piece could get at times. There's a longing in the way the story was told when he had that I thought was done excellently, or at least that's how I read it.
Well done and thanks for the good story!
Submitted
House of GlassThis was a fun idea. What a neat way to approach the theme head-on!
Submitted
Feather of the Sacred GladeThis is brilliant. Clever and creepy in equal measure. Bonus points for the use of 'phantasmagoria'.
Submitted
Reflecting on a Bad SituationQuite a literal take on the Reflection theme. But I still loved it, quite an interesting portrayal of lust and how it grasps the mind like a muse.
The prose flowed like wine so to speak, with really only one hiccup in the third paragraph of the second column.
Submitted
You ask me why?Thank you for taking the time to read my story. After looking over the hiccup you mentioned, I agree - it was really not clear. Rather than let it remain as it was, I went ahead and updated it. I uploaded a post-Jam revision to clarify that specific paragraph. Given the time put into this story, I'd hate to not improve that section to benefit the overall story. I'll leave both versions posted with an explanation so individuals can read the "Jam" version or the "revised" version.
Thanks again for taking the time to read!
Really great! I like how you wove the background into the story, rather than front-loading it in the introduction.
There were some editing issues (one sentence in particular I still can't parse: "But he needed to understand her clearly, so with each completed work was quickly forgotten...") but most of that (I'm sure!) comes down to the time constraint of the challenge.
Also, great twist at the end! I didn't see it coming, but in retrospect it was inevitable! The best kind. :)
Submitted
He Will Uphold All Who CherishThank you for reading. On the note of editing issues, I think it's the curse of taking about too many ideas and revising them over and over. I reviewed the original version vs. the final this morning using Google Doc's revision history, and the whole document was lit up with changes. As a result, I think I just lost sight of how messy that particular sentence and paragraph became.
Rather than let it remain as it was, I went ahead and updated it. I uploaded a post-Jam revision to clarify that specific paragraph. Given the time put into this story, I'd hate to not improve that section to benefit the overall story. I'll leave both versions posted with an explanation so individuals can read the "Jam" version or the "revised" version.
Thanks again for taking the time to read!
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