what an opening paragraph. poetic, meaningful and very, very true.
loved how the machinery failed and it was down to the soldiers to save the day.... amazing story
Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
Flow & Clarity | #3 | 4.069 | 4.069 |
Overall | #9 | 3.805 | 3.805 |
Concept & Originality | #15 | 3.828 | 3.828 |
Adherence to the Theme | #21 | 3.517 | 3.517 |
Ranked from 29 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
what an opening paragraph. poetic, meaningful and very, very true.
loved how the machinery failed and it was down to the soldiers to save the day.... amazing story
I very much enjoyed the story, it could have been the opposing viewpoint for part of mine.
The narration was fluid and concrete, I love it, I really liked the twist at the church, it was logical and gut wrenching
Nicely done !!
The grim ending that is just as hopeful as it is a warning is a very nice finisher.
A well-done piece overall, I thought. The embittered old soldier seemed grimly pleased to witness the failure of technology - or maybe that was just my reading of it. Either way, a good, if grim, reflective story.
It seemed like a very moody reflection on how technology had failed society just as religion had previously... or perhaps it was society that failed both. An interesting way to work in the theme.
Really well done! I loved the "reflection" between the first and last lines---it was very effective. Good depiction, too, of the desperation of the villagers, and how they'd painted themselves into that corner by becoming so dependent on technology.
The lead-in to the story felt a bit heavy, though. Six paragraphs before the action starts...I wonder if you could have started the action sooner and sprinkled some of the intro into it?
But very well done! A really compelling read. I enjoyed it very much.
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.