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A jam submission

Feather of the Sacred GladeView project page

A Narrative Campaign for OPR Age of Fantasy
Submitted by JonasFox — 1 day, 1 hour before the deadline
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Feather of the Sacred Glade's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Flow & Clarity#93.8193.889
Concept & Originality#123.8923.963
Overall#223.5403.605
Adherence to the Theme#312.9102.963

Ranked from 27 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

I always enjoy lizard stories. Good work! 

Submitted(+1)

These saurians are bursting with personality! My only real gripe was I was already invested in the Captain when you swapped over to them :)

Submitted(+1)

I loved this! You gave so much character to the saurians.

Submitted

I loved this! You gave so much character to the saurians.

Submitted(+1)

*gasp!* did he live?

great story tho,  loved the geckos bird calling to one another

Submitted(+1)

As an opening prologue, I quite like it. It does well at setting the tone for what is to come and the first encounter between the two forces. I must say I do also like how well it works with the pictures of the models that you included. I think it may have benefited from a proof read or two and maybe a tad more emphasis on where the theme fit in, but beyond that it more than does its job with ample to say. 

Excellent.  

Submitted(+1)

This was an effective opening to a narrative campaign - although if I'm honest, I'm not quite sure what the piece has to do with 'reflection', beyond the simple consideration of 'there's two sides to every war'. Other pieces which have gone that route have tried to explore the parallels between individuals or factions.

Submitted(+1)

Lovely, poetic prose! I also really like the personal touches, like Buono wearing the blue feather to remember Miera, and how you tied that in at the end.

Some of the punctuation and wording was odd, though, which tended to interrupt the flow the story in distracting ways. "Kiecca ahead, looked to Thix..." "A snap rang out ahead, someone." Make sure you're using commas appropriately. I think sometimes you probably wanted an ellipsis ("...") or em-dash ("--") instead.

Still, despite the mechanical issues, the story did a good job showing the collision of two cultures, and I liked the hints of saurian culture and tradition. Well done!

Submitted(+1)

I love it! A short and sweet first contact with so much left open for the future. Did he survive? Will the caravan reach its destination? Will this lead to an all out war? Nicely done!

Developer(+1)

Thank you. Its been exciting pulling together this short “choose-your-own-adventure” campaign idea. I’m glad the writing was enough to tell a story while also leaving things open for play. Hopefully the whole thing will be just as satisfying! 

Submitted(+1)

You really did a fantastic job on this. I hope to see an actual narrative campaign come out for this! 

Developer

The narrative is mostly sorted. I was lucky what was in my head happened to match the writing jam. Now it’s mostly a matter of terrain, objectives, and buffs to work out!