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Neat. 30 seconds into the game and it accuses me of piracy. Small glitch there?

Sounds right.

What a stupid comment. No, obviously the game was purchased legitimately through their 100% off offer.

It's a joke, because the game is about piracy...

... then you might want to make that more obvious. There's no indication that the game is about piracy from the title, and the statement doesn't come across as a joke, it comes across as one of those typical piracy warnings/admonishments.
I'm not sure how you found it funny.

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??? Did you not read the description at all? Or are you being sarcastic? I sincerely hope it's one of those two, because the only other option is that you're incredibly stupid.

Christ kid, get a life

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I've banned metamorphosis. He seems to be just stirring up trouble.

I'm slightly concerned it may just have been a misunderstanding, when someone else told them they need to activate their Steam key for Itch's DRM to work they responded "See the author's reply" you didn't seem to have replied anything related to that, so I wonder if they misunderstood what I said, which was "It's a joke, because the game is about piracy...", not referring to the message, but to my earlier message saying "Sounds right." when they mentioned the message, and somehow they mistook me for the author and mistook my message for the message itself being an intentional joke?

Could well be wrong, but the situation just seems off and I'd hate for this to have been a genuine innocent misunderstanding.

I don't think it's super important regardless. :P This is just the comment section on a game page. If anyone ever needs actual support they'll generally post on the Steam forums or email us.

You need to redeem your Steam key. It says this on both the store page and the download page after purchase.

I'm not using the steam version...

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You have to redeem the Steam key in order for it to authenticate your ownership of the game. Even if you're not using the Steam version. "The Itch.io version of the game has custom DRM that requires that you own the game on Steam. It is non-intrusive and simply verifies ownership of the game. Please redeem your Steam key before playing." Perhaps that could've been included in the piracy message though.

See the author's reply