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(1 edit) (+1)

Thank you for this story! 

I'm curious to know - the protagonist is a male character but the interactions with the dog sound like they were written by a female person. Is that the case? I'll let you know why I think that :D

It felt strange that the player must harvest all the memories... I guess [SPOILER] that the operation costs 10 000 credits and that is why all the available memories needed to be extracted. But it is not explained before the harvesting. And it somehow felt outside of my control to decide which memories I allow to be wiped out. UPDATE yes, I confirmed it. During the first playthrough I decided to take a walk after work. During the second playthrough I chose to return to home after work. Only then does the protagonist receive a message from the clinic. As this bit of information is critical to the main plot it should be brought to the attention of the player regardless of the choices.

I like the mini game! It can be challenging as the timing needs to be very precise. Maybe include some variables to make it go slower after successive failures? Right now it seems to randomly go slower or faster.

In terms of the character arc - it sounded like there was some hesitation to try the harvesting kit. But it is not clear what happens inside the protagonist Sam - is he nervous, is he worried, is he reluctant, what does he think about it? [SPOILER] During the talk at the bar there were some dialogue options to set his mood - I chose "That was harsh". That was more focused on the relationship with the woman. It sounds like the other option "Maybe I will" is done in spite, antagonistic, again with a focus on the relationship. Actually the talk is a great opportunity to allow the player to define the character.

There are some big, sensitive topics which are touched in the story - class discrimination, bees extinction, insect protein. One of the characters has a strong position about the discrimination. The protagonist does not seem to have any position on these topics which is a noticeable absence. Again - ideally there would be opportunities to let the player define the character's attitude.

The game has potential to be expanded. You should keep working on it! Good luck!

Language mistakes

we are still to know <== we are yet to find out

touches his temple <== temporal bone, temporal fossa? None of these sound right but temple can mean a building...

with chalks ant the bank <== at the river bank

emerge from the battle, victorious <== no comma

I fought for you and win <== won

Thank gods Stella does not have a visual module <== Thank God, Stella

symbol of Doctor's Guild <== the Doctor's Guild

Works just fine as <== They function just the same without your memories

I hadn't even started with harsh <== haven't event

bushes... thought it looked suspicious <== in suspicion OR carefully exploring with suspicion

She haven't told me that <== She hasn't told me

to make (the) Memory Extraction Process as smooth and (as) comfortable

Thank you so much for your detailed feedback! It will help us a ton to improve the game and the story.

The interactions are indeed written by a female person :) Though they are solely based on real interactions between a male dog owner and his dog. But I am interested what is the reason you saw it like that :)

You are right about the mini game, we didn't have enough time to implement more complex mechanics, so right now it is a bit random.

Regarding the emotions of the protagonist — it was the initial idea to make him not to describe his emotions, so that the player could deside for themselves what to think of various situations and concepts that they face. But perhaps it hasn't worked out the way I planned! 

As we ran out of time to do some polishing and proofreading, there might be even more mistakes than you have pointed out, sorry about that! I am grateful for your help with these. I would certainly spend some time on fixing it after the jam ends.

Glad I can contribute.

Aha! I knew it! ... How did I figure it out? With a focus on small details and the presence of a lot of words for tenderness it just feels too "soft". Whereas a male person would have a more "tough" love. Apologies for the stereotypes.

I tried to play the game again to give you some specific examples but it crashes on me right now. I'll try to write another comment some later time. 

Oh, I see what you are talking about, thanks! In this case it was a conscious decision - why does an owner behave like that with his dog? Is there something off? Though I might have given too little time to the player to be confused by that :) 

Yes, why does it matter? Good question. It just broke the immersion a bit for me. I was thinking: Wait, who was the protagonist again? Was it a male or female? Maybe it's just me.

I think it would be possibly better to add some "tough" interactions into memories in that case, or make a build up not that rough. I will look into that, thank you for sharing your vision :)

(1 edit)

Hey, I played it again. Here are the extracts that gave you away :P
"Jesse looks content: yep, some ears have been scratched.

I gently help her to get to bed...

I am sitting on my bed. Jesse already snores softly.

Jesse woofs in her sleep: I hope she is having some sweet dreams about a meatloaf. Or two.

Good night, little bun."

The way they are phrased - it's kind of obvious it is written by a woman. Whereas the character is a male. 

I don't have a problem with it. You can leave it as it is. Just sharing my observation.

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I see where you are coming from, though among my friends and acquaintances it is quite typical to call a dog "a little bun", regardless of the gender of the person speaking. It could also depend on the dog, I believe :) You may speak differently to a toy poodle (this is the case for this story) and a German shepherd, for instance.

I'm not a dog owner so I'm probably wrong about that.