Skip to main content

Browse GamesGame JamsUpload GameDeveloper LogsCommunity
Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines
GloriousView20 days ago

Yeah I guess our styles are like night & day xD

But I get it. It was my first official story too, so the more feedback I get, the more I realize: I like metaphor A BIT too much. People do have problems to orientate in my world, because of too few physical description.

I thought this might be no problem, because it was only one room & 2 characters, but it seems to be.

So since you are obviously one of the best here to ask for physical descriptions, I would really love to hear your opinion: in which moments you felt especially lost? where would you add more description & less dialogue?

Reply
ReForming19 days ago

Haha I guess that is the case. In my opinion, things get very disorientating at the end of page 1, and page 2 largely makes it more confusing; because of how fast paced the narrative is, that is, perhaps, accurately representing the feelings of the characters in that moment, which is good, but as a reader I struggle to put myself into an environment and with people I cannot imagine. I feel like that is especially the case when writing things that are different from "traditional" fantasy and include things that might be new to reader, because of the total lack of meta grounding at that point

Reply
GloriousView19 days ago(+1)

Thanks a lot. I will put a little more physical stuff in there.

I want to say, the 'original version' is written in German. German language has an "impersonal" form, to keep a little distance between you & others (e.g. in a working-environment). So the Old One uses impersonal form when talking to others & singular when talking of himself. he is also portrayed as male. while the Visitor uses a personal form with others (like you would use with friends or family) & uses plural when talking of itself. It is also referenced as"it", so the German text might give a reader a little more orientation who is talking at which moment.

However, I am very thankful for your feedback & will try to implement it into the next version. Guess I will read your story again & that one by arthim. You guys are masterful at physical description

Reply
AboutFAQBlogContact us
Copyright © 2026 itch corp · Directory · Terms · Privacy · Cookies