Haha I guess that is the case. In my opinion, things get very disorientating at the end of page 1, and page 2 largely makes it more confusing; because of how fast paced the narrative is, that is, perhaps, accurately representing the feelings of the characters in that moment, which is good, but as a reader I struggle to put myself into an environment and with people I cannot imagine. I feel like that is especially the case when writing things that are different from "traditional" fantasy and include things that might be new to reader, because of the total lack of meta grounding at that point
Viewing post in The Thing behind the Glass jam comments
Thanks a lot. I will put a little more physical stuff in there.
I want to say, the 'original version' is written in German. German language has an "impersonal" form, to keep a little distance between you & others (e.g. in a working-environment). So the Old One uses impersonal form when talking to others & singular when talking of himself. he is also portrayed as male. while the Visitor uses a personal form with others (like you would use with friends or family) & uses plural when talking of itself. It is also referenced as"it", so the German text might give a reader a little more orientation who is talking at which moment.
However, I am very thankful for your feedback & will try to implement it into the next version. Guess I will read your story again & that one by arthim. You guys are masterful at physical description