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Really cute concept. I included it in part 8 of my WAG Challenge compilation video series, if you would like to check it out :) https://youtu.be/s0Fzo8YiKT0
I didn't notice any glaring mistakes. The story came across to me very well. A wonderful story experience.
Thank you for your comments on the backstory and Literate, too-- some characters speaking as the rabbit of Literate came to me while I was rewriting some scenes(my editing technique-- write a first draft in Word, and then open whatever I'm using to write the game and rewrite the entire script. It really helps in revisions, making character voices better, and improving the script in general. Even though it takes some time, I think it's worth it.), and I think it works quite well.
I don't think I've heard of that editing technique before; I'll have to try it sometime!
Thank you for your comment! Sorry this response is a bit late!
I'm glad you liked Nathan's voice(though Connor Thomas Cleary's comments made it clear to me I have to do better next time, and I'll do my best to write a more believable child character the next time I write one) and the music. I had so much fun doing the music; my favorite track is one with 4 strings, a clarinet, and a looping synth, though it only plays a few times(it really didn't fit into the story as well as the piano song that plays throughout), one of them being at the beginning of Nathan's visit to the principal.
Hi guys, I enjoyed your game - well done. I agree with Astrid that it is an innovative take on the theme. Dyslexia is a subject I know little about, so I felt this was also nicely educating in how a child might perceive it.
Nathan's voice is strong, and the music added to the melancholy. I liked the gradual revealing of back story, hinting at his mother's absence. I enjoyed the concept of friendly characters speaking through the rabbit - the 'Literate' world definitely came across as a place of solace, and the loss of this world makes for a bittersweet ending.
If you've not tried this editing technique already, I'd definitely recommend leaving the text to settle in its final stages, then returning with unfamiliar eyes to print it out and read it aloud. I've found this works well for refining character voices and honing style. It may help refine areas such as the adult voices, so they are as befitting as Nathan's.
This was great! I really enjoyed how you interpreted the theme both literally with the rabbits, and figuratively with his exploration into this new world of reading that is causing him so much trouble.
The pictures were also a very nice touch, especially the different facial expressions for the dad.
Same as Connor though, the watercolor section was rather difficult to read, but it does fit thematically so I wouldn't worry even though it wasn't intentional.
Congrats on a great game. :D
@Connor Thomas Cleary:
Wow, that text shadow idea is a great one! I did notice the lack of visibility, but I didn't get to correct it because I was trying to get the music playable in the browser all the way until the jam's deadline. Don't worry; the visibility issue wasn't intentional!
I don't write child characters very often, which may have contributed to why his voice was a bit lacking. I didn't mean to make him emotionally simplistic, but if that's how he came across, then that's how I must have written him, even if it wasn't intentional. Perhaps I'll observe some children, or think about how I behaved as a child, next time I write a younger character.
I'm glad you liked the music and background colors, and that you liked Literate overall. Thank you for your critique!
Thanks for the comments, dude! I'm totally with you on the text visibility. Shadowing is s great idea.
As for Nathan's intelligence, I thought we were conveying it pretty well, and I totally agree with you that children "get" a lot. I thought we presented that well. Sorry. :(
As for each voice sounding the same . . . huh, did not consider something like that.
I'm glad you liked Literate overall.
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Unless, of course, that difficulty in readability was an intentional reflection of the story's subject matter. In which case I'd say: That's a good notion, but it could be made to feel more intentional.
On the creative level, some of the sentence-level writing feels a bit unpolished, and all the characters seem to have the same voice. Also, I've worked with children a fair amount in my life, and I think we often fail to realize how smart children are. They "get" a lot more than we give them credit for, they just don't really have the words or means of expressing themselves that we expect to accompany complex emotional experiences. But that doesn't mean their emotional world is overly simple, which is how the player-character's feelings seemed to be conveyed.
Overall, though, you managed to convey an atmosphere and tell a difficult story, which isn't easy to do with only text, music, and a few graphics.
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I appreciated the use of music, and how the shifting background colors places you in different locations. This is a difficult story to convey well, so I appreciate the ambition, and the desire to elicit empathy in your audience.
I appreciated your critique on my game, so I wanted to share my thoughts on yours as well.
On a technical note: Some of the text colors make it difficult to read -- particularly on the watercolor background -- it might be worth playing with the 'text-shadow' CSS property to make the text more readable ( https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web/CSS/t... -- do note that text-shadow isn't supported in IE versions lower than 10) or perhaps adding a solid colored background to the text elements on the more difficult background.
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