Your writing style is so clear and easy to follow. Not a very epic tale but one that does hit home with how we work ourselves to death in trying to find the work and life quality balance. It was a nice efficient read that didn't attempt to use up the extra space for unnecessary language. 5 stars for flow and clarity.
Play book
Wealth or Health's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concept & Originality | #12 | 3.913 | 4.211 |
| Flow & Clarity | #15 | 3.717 | 4.000 |
| Overall | #20 | 3.505 | 3.772 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #29 | 2.886 | 3.105 |
Ranked from 19 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
More representation for female beards! I love it.
Personally, I interpreted "a rock and a hard place" figuratively, being stuck in a difficult situation, between two impossible choices. You could think of it as her being a dwarf (rock, and the character's struggle with her identity) in a "hard place" living and working among humans, and feeling out of place away from her community - a common experience in our own world, for people who decide to leave their culture and families behind in order to provide for them. And the prejudice they face, on top of their feelings of isolation, is a concept certainly worth exploring. I suppose you could emphasize that struggle more, if you wanted, but I think you did an excellent job.
And as others have said, the twist at the end was excellent, and you did a great job with foreshadowing, talking about the "human writing," even though the reader wouldn't realize it till the end.
A great read!
Submitted
A Fronte Praecipitium, A Tergo LupiAs some have said, it's a bit light on the Rock and Hard Place theming, but I utterly loved this! Taking the medical horror of "the reveal" and spinning it in the protagonist's eyes to become an issue of cultural identity was a great way to double down on the tragedy. It was a great choice to have the first signs of things being wrong being so similar to the effects alcohol withdrawal in human alcoholics, it got me pulled into the same assumption as the protagonist, which is an impressive thing to pull off in such a short work!
Dunno about the theme fitting it, but a great tale nonetheless. Tolkein Female Dwarf Beards, though? Hmmmm. Some great story telling.
Pilot for the hit holo-series Female Irradiated Stunty Turtles? No? No.
Submitted
Kill Me Now (OPR Story Jam #8)I enjoyed this one a lot! I thought the premise was imaginative and well-executed. I wish you'd taken advantage of the full word count, though - I think that would have allowed you to work in the theme (and how Grelda felt about her work!) a little more instead of having the title do so much of the thematic lifting.
Sobriety, not even once...
I like the story's progression! That light and humorous beginning, suddenly plunging into a dark abyss really makes for an impactful twist. The length of the story was perfect as well. Not short enough to ruin the pacing of the twist, and just long enough to healthily hit the beats you were looking for. Admirable.
One of the problems with the story, is how hard it is to see the theme in it. It was mentioned once, but not really brought up again. Bringing the decision back up around half way, would help improve upon that problem.
Overall, excellent story. I look forward to your next Jam entry!
Submitted
Bigger Fish
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