Absolutely terrifying weapon. Great story!
Play book
Cogito Ergo Non's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #6 | 4.111 | 4.111 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #9 | 4.111 | 4.111 |
| Overall | #11 | 3.981 | 3.981 |
| Concept & Originality | #19 | 3.722 | 3.722 |
Ranked from 18 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
A good story! I only missed a strength comparison between the Elven fleet and the BB Warship, as to why the Elves did not engage the Warship...
Submitted
OPR Writing Jam #5 - BellsGood question: I implied that the large vessel was more potent, but not overwhelmingly so. More than anything, it was the elves selfishness that prevented them from picking a fight with the cruiser; from their perspective, why get into a potentially deadly shootout when you can loot safely? From the bottom of the middle column: "Despite the aliens’ far superior numbers and maneuverability, none of that self-interested race were willing to engage with the Cold Dawn."
This was an excellent and very well-written piece about a couple of unconventional weapons, and about what happens when a society turns people into weapons. My only real criticism is that, apart from some simple find/replace terminological changes, this story could have been set in the universe that inspired OPR. I appreciate seeing unique or different takes on the familiar in these stories - stories that try to set Tyria or the Sirus Sector apart as their own places. Ultimately that's a personal preference, however, and it doesn't take away from the quality of this piece.
Submitted
Desperate Timesa great short story with a very (grim) dark solution, and it had some really great lines, such as:
'Korsakoff Proxima was alive in the same way an insect was alive. Efficient biological machinery, and nothing more. It was revolting. And it was perfect.'
Submitted
The Parable of Two SwordsmenVery nicely done, reminds me somewhat of the old neutron bomb concept (except that killed the people and left the machinery intact); as for tying the character in question closer, I think given the space and description it was a good use of foreshadowing (only because of interest one might consider as to why the delivery mechanism had to be by her versus automation, but "because" works just fine)
Submitted
A Mother's VengenceThanks! I would like to write out a story of a group of increasingly joyless dark elves running afoul of Korsakoff Proxima on the surface. She/it was supposed to be the delivery system because mentally the assassin was already functionally unconscious, a killing machine bereft of higher thought. I also did not state this, but the psychic Lacerbis is the leader of the mission because he alone can sense the mental state of the citizenry and can tell if the mission would be successful or not.
Love the writing style -- great descriptions, good visuals. I wonder if you might have been able to build up the tension/fear/something around Korsakoff Proxima a bit more? It was almost a bit anticlimactic at the end. But as I said, solid writing. Well done!
Submitted
Sharp and Shooty
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