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The Man From Steropes Epsilson's itch.io pageResults
Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
Flow & Clarity | #1 | 4.167 | 4.167 |
Overall | #5 | 4.033 | 4.033 |
Adherence to the Theme | #8 | 3.900 | 3.900 |
Concept & Originality | #9 | 4.033 | 4.033 |
Ranked from 30 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
That was a fun read.
What a clean read! This was thoroughly enjoyable. Can we get another page just about those trees?
I'm a big fan of the tone and writing style here. It does a really good job of portraying the mentality of a Battle Brother in so short an amount of time (something many other authors would spend an entire book to do). Their interactions with the regular human soldier is often completely negated by arrogance whilst here it absolutely shines.
Great read, feels polished with nice world building, well done! Now we need terrain rules for the trees.
This was a superb read. Easy to follow, great distinctions drawn between the trooper and the battle brother, and a great parable that really embodied the theme. The only criticism I have (and it's a minor one) is that openly admitting the Battle brother was lying at the end felt too direct; the hesitance and other subtle queues throughout the story did well to call out the lie without explicitly calling it out. A very minor suggestion for a great tale!
This was a superb read. Easy to follow, great distinctions drawn between the trooper and the battle brother, and a great parable that really embodied the theme. The only criticism I have (and it's a minor one) is that openly admitting the Battle brother was lying at the end felt too direct; the hesitance and other subtle queues throughout the story did well to call out the lie without explicitly calling it out. A very minor suggestion for a great tale!
great story! I loved the story within a story and the difference between the trooper and the Battle-brother
So this was an excellent and evocative piece about which I can say very little in criticism. The only thing that I might say, and this is more of a personal preference, is that I would have liked to imagine and explore how the Battle Brothers of the Sirius sector might differ from the faction that originally inspired them. While this piece used the ideas and concepts of that inspiration very well, I would be more interested in a new or different interpretation of the faction for a new and different setting. But, again, that's a personal preference and might not fit with how you see the Sirius sector setting and the OPR project.
Fantastic job. Characterization for battle brother Isaiah was superb. Really felt like I got to know the guy.
I liked it. Weirdly, my favourite detail was about the wrack trees and their seedpods. Now I'm wondering why they evolved like that. Maybe to destroy surrounding vegetation to make more space for the young wrack trees? But then do they have extra-hard bark so they're not destroyed by other trees' seedpods? If so, did the natives use the bark as a material for making armour/weapons etc? I know, weird thing to focus on, but it just caught my imagination.
Really spectacular. Your writing is solid, your cadence smooth. The descriptions are succinct, but sufficient to place the reader right there next to the two soldiers. I also really liked that Isaiah answered "No" to the trooper's last question, because in a very real way, Isaiah was no longer that person, and was far enough removed from him to feel him a stranger.
The only criticism I might offer is that the story Isaiah shared seems a bit disconnected from the plight of the HDF trooper, but that's probably more on me than on you. Also, there were a few technical issues (a few bits of missing punctuation, mostly), but that's easily chalked up to the constraints of the jam.
Overall, one of the best pieces I've read for the jam (and at this point I've read all but a handful). Very well done!
The fact the proud Dark Ranger is unsettled by the fact he does not know how to reassure the poor little normal trooper is pretty adorable.
I loved the negative aspects tied into the Battle Brothers DNA.