itch.io

Sure sure. I think you make that clear. It was where I originally thought you were going, so I just wanted to pontificate while I had the chance and circumstance.

I like the idea of telling a story through an interrogation. It gives good opportunities for flashbacks and tying things together in interesting ways. Unfortunately, since the story needs to be kept brief, I don't think it quite gets where it needs to.

I will say that the Red Riding Hood bit was quite clever and I enjoyed that immensely as an ending!

Love the back and forth of the characters in this. It definitely feels like a job-site in that everyone is bickering and quibbling.
I think the theme is clear here, but it also seems like Ferdinand's crew stumbled upon these consequences by accident rather than their actions. Sure, Ferdinand is clearly not a great project manager, but the impact of the consequences would be far grater if he had some idea that this was going to happened, but ignored the warning signs out of desperation or foolishness.

I like the repetition in this story. It solidifies the events and actually helps to keep the flow. The reveal at the end is especially good because of this repetition. We keep talking about how good the drinks are, but don't see why until it's too late!

The dialogue also gives big artful dodger vibes, which fits hive gangers pretty well, I feel!

It was interesting to see a story that ends with consequences for someone other than the main character. I feel like most of our first thoughts was "how can I make my main character suffer", rather than, "how can my main character cause someone else's consequences?"

The flow was a bit choppy, and the use of caps can be a bit grating, but I think your story had good connectivity none the less.

I'll also soapbox for a second that I'm generally opposed to implied sexual violence as a plot device. You don't directly say that is what happened, but it gives that vibe to me. I think it is used far too often in media and can easily be forgone, especially when it is not based in any specific historical precedent or real-world example. Sexual violence virtually never makes a story better, in my opinion. This didn't impact my ratings of your story! It's just something I wanted to put out there for my fellow writers.

I love a good chase, and this one has all the hallmarks. A great dark fantasy story. Only one tense issue (where the bridge is) but I thought this story really flowed and was exceptionally clear.

I love the little touches that ground this story if dwarven "culture" so to speak. Little diction choices like "rock-brained" and "runes" really ground this story in a dwarven perspective. I also love the way that you described the tech in this story. It felt very grounded while also being sci-fi.

When this appeared in my queue, I immediately thought "Lord Blackvayne is back!?" What a treat to have a running story through these jams. I love it. I think the dialogue here really shines. It has that classical dialogue feeling that fits a gothic story like this.

When I saw your title, I thought "A little on the nose", but I love what you did with the word consequences - very clever! If you had the space, I would have loved to see the shoot-out drawn out longer. The action is good, but given the nature of a "Short" story, it's hard to go into detail on combat while keeping everything else that makes this story great.

This might sound crazy, but I wish this had been epistolary, ie, a letter or diary entry. My only complaint is that I sometimes had trouble tracking the chronology of the story, and I think that if it had been a diary or letter, that could have been cleared up. Otherwise, I love a story of a wizard figuring out a solution. This is a great example of "Problem > interesting solution", which obviously backfires given the theme.

Definitely one of the more brutal stories I've read so far here! This gives great "apocalypse is happening" energy. The fleeing civilians, the traffic jam, and the military over-reaction all give War of the World vibes, which I love.

I'm not sure how I feel about the first person though. I think it tricks writers into telling, rather than showing some information. "my world narrowing to the sight of her lifeless eyes" rather than "my vision narrowed - her lifeless eyes stared into mine" or something like that. That being said, you did a great job of avoiding some of the repetition that tends to plague first person writing!

Overall, excellent story and a great look at the Robot Legion and Elf relationship in the lore!

Yeah! Of course not! I would never.... (cancel the hit - cancel the hit!!!)

 I loved your more action forward approach, by the way. I hadn't even considered showing the actual subterfuge, but you absolutely nailed it.

Don't sleep on this one folks. The blurb doesn't do this story justice. I wasn't expecting philosophical musings!

One of my favorite parts of the GDF universe is that the Alien Hives aren't mindless or driven through simple animal instinct. You did a great job of transferring that to story!

I love the ruthless nickel and diming. It reminds me of the setting of the game A Billion Suns. Definitely worth looking at if you enjoy this story.