First of all, I’m happy to hear that you have had an enjoyable time so far!
Thank you for playing!
There are three main reasons why I deliberately,(in the second case perhaps not quite so deliberately, haha) chose to have the dialogue the way it is.
…This became a bit longer than expected (apologies for that!) so I will place it into its own little window.
1. It is part of how I want the player to receive the story.
Sometimes I want to achieve a sort of “alien” and awkward feeling with the dialogue. Sometimes it is there to build a little unnecessary, or perhaps necessary, dramatic tension.
And sometimes it’s simply meant to show that Myrddin is actually considering his choice of words.
I actually like that you used the word “unnatural,” because that is very close to what I am aiming for.
I will not go into story details, since I don’t want to accidentally spoil anything, but there is quite a bit of intentional detail in the dialogue.
While it is strongly hinted at, rather than directly said, the language Myrddin (and… others use), in this case English, is not their primary language. It is a learned language.
Because of that, I would deliberately aim for this “unnatural and repetitive” feeling in any translation as well, if I ever pursue one.
2. Certain words are overused quite a bit, but that is most likely due to my lack of writing experience, as well as the fact that I am not a native English speaker.
You will probably encounter many sentences starting with “Like…”, “I see…”, “Or…”, or my personal favorite, “Well…”.
Or the simple use of “Oh…”, which I like using in comedic scenes (I am probably the only one who finds it funny in those moments lol.)
This also applies to the frequent use of ellipses.
Using ellipses is part of my writing style (I just looked it up, and there are 736 lines of only “…”, which… uff, haha.)
To me, they help build atmosphere. They suggest that the character is thinking, hesitating, considering something, or deliberately leaving space in the conversation.
To give an example from the game:
m “Something warm, maybe…?”
m “…”
m “Caramel?”
m “No…”
m “Too soft.”
m “…”
m “Toasted nuts?”
m “…”
m “Hmm.”
m “I cannot pin it down.”
If I wrote it with more connected lines instead, it might look like this:
m “Something warm, maybe…? Caramel? No, that would be too soft. Toasted nuts, perhaps…?”
m “Hmm. I can’t pin it down.”
That version is also completely valid, but I personally don’t like it as much.
I could also use pauses between lines instead, but eventually that would create the same “monotonous chunks,” only displayed inside the same text box.
Another thing I deliberately focus on is the use of shortened words.
For example, there is a difference between “I’m” and “I am,” or “can’t” and “cannot,” and similar cases.
I feel that using the full form can give certain lines more weight or impact, so I usually pay attention to it whenever I want that specific effect.
That being said, to be completely blunt, not using an “English keyboard layout” makes contractions slightly more annoying to type, since I have to pay attention to the apostrophe every time.
It sounds minor, but when writing thousands of dialogue lines, it can genuinely become a chore, haha.
3. And this is probably just a personal issue, but I avoid using long sentences because I dislike how they look and feel inside the current textbox.
Then why do I not simply adjust the textbox, you may ask?
…
Because I am generally fine with it, and changing it is not something I currently want to do (In other words, I’m too lazy… just kidding!)
To show what I mean, the line used in the game looks like this:
m “Then I learned how to decorate it a little!
m “How to make it feel less hollow.”
If I focused more on avoiding those “chunks” and used a more connected sentence instead, it would appear like this:
I know this may just be me being nitpicky, but I generally dislike having longer blocks of text in the text box, which is why they are not commonly used.
Beyond that, I also think shorter lines work better for pacing and for keeping the reader’s focus.
Instead of suddenly filling the screen with a large amount of text, the dialogue moves forward more quickly and remains easier to follow.
I believe this also makes the game more approachable for players who do not usually play visual novels.
There are a few more details regarding the dialogue as well.
For example, some repetitions are used very intentionally in certain emotional parts, almost as a way to imprint specific words or ideas in the reader’s mind.
That is only one example of the more psychological, “hands-on” approach behind some of the writing choices, but I cannot discuss those details without revealing spoilers, including things that are not even present in the game yet. Apologies!
But I do completely understand where your critique is coming from. If this were a book or webnovel, I would probably find this exhausting as well, haha.
For this format, though, especially with the way I envision the game, I think it fits.
That being said, AI assistance is used for coding, as stated in the tag for transparency.
Its use is mainly to help me learn, organize, and handle certain technical aspects that go beyond my current understanding as someone who is still very much a novice.
I completely understand if that makes you hesitant to continue with the game and I sincerely thank you for giving it a chance!
And… that is the general gist of it.
Again, thank you!
Have a wonderful week!
