itch.io

(Read with caution. Spoilers below!)

Thoughts for Improvements 

I'm writing this comment as I go along and find new things so that you can consider implementing such changes in if you so choose to do so. Reminder that these are just suggestions here that you are free to accept or reject. 

First off, the trailer for the demo can give more time between the gameplay to have the viewer read what the characters are saying, or you can try to have the demo be full of backgrounds and character sprites in-between the big text so that you can build up suspense with enough mystery and intrigue without giving away what the characters are saying.

As for the beginning of the game, there could be sound effects when the radio makes static noise, and when the player receives the map, the side message is in Spanish, as well as the bottom text when I open up the map from the game menu.

Furthermore, I like the sound effects and the ambience in the background, too. I feel like there should be more prominent rain noises, but that's just me. This is because I hear the breeze of the air and the croaking of the frogs but not the fall of the rain.

Otherwise, I love the art, the black and shadowy edges around the screen, and the layout and unique look of the main and game menu. Love how the eye follows the mouse, even if it can look slow when moving the cursor slowly.

Further in the visual novel, I wish the bird in the woods was seen found on the ground for better visual understanding of what I was looking at originally, similar to how there's a full CG when meeting the dark-haired woman in the woods. It would have been interesting to see the inside of the bird or a stick poking at the carcass, but that's not necessary either, nor did it break my sense of immersion. If there was a full CG of the bird lying on the ground, then you could have visually shown the black goo pouring out of it or the main character's foot getting caught up in its sticky residue. Again, that's not necessary. I'm just thinking of how the scene could have been done better. 

As for later in the visual novel during the next day, the line "We're going to get drowning with problems" from Miller at the hospital could be better phrased as, "We're going to be drowning with problems."

At the hospital as well, you forgot to add in a period at the end of this second sentence from Will: "At least the sky is clearing up. If I leave now, I'll beat the rain."

Otherwise, I played through this demo once. It almost took me an hour to get through, which is not a bad thing at all. If you manage to make this a two-hour experience, if not longer, then you can charge money for this visual novel on Steam without having to worry about people abusing the refund policy by completing this VN in less time.

Ultimately, I got the ending where Will and Lyra are in the car. I love how the image with Lyra in the car enlarges on the screen as she becomes more stressed in the scene. Yet, they are obviously on the side of a mountain, it seems, since there are guard rails that prevent cars from falling off. Thus, the road seems pretty narrow, and I wonder where they crashed into that produced such a noise if only trees and grass are beside them on the other side of the road. It doesn't sound like they crashed into nature. That could be me nitpicking there. Plus, there was no mud or puddles or dirt on the road in the background image to convey that there would have been a smear of mud on the road to have caused the crash, unless my memory mistakes me.

It also could have been better visually conveyed when Lyra tries to get out of the car or when Will tries to grab onto her. Even using an hpunch or vpunch could help punch up those moments better to intensify and exaggerate them. Again, these are merely suggestions you can consider or ignore here.

Finally, I also noticed that it takes a while for the game menu to pop up, and it takes an extra second for those dark and shadowy edges to pop up around the screen. You may be better off hiding that effect or turning that effect off and adding in those shadowy edges into the PNG image of the game menu itself, if I'm understanding things correctly.

Overall Thoughts on the Visual Novel Itself

All in all, I'm impressed with the amount of work and care put into this visual novel, especially by a solo developer. Although I wasn't gripped or intrigued by the story until the end, I still liked it and thought each scene carried their own weight and never overstayed their welcome. I could tell you enjoyed drawing Lyra, and the different CGs pay off. 

Although the VN is on the quieter side, I didn't mind that all and thought it fit the dark and suspenseful atmosphere and mood of the story. Again, I can't say this enough, but I'm seriously blown away by the art and thought you did a phenomenal job at bringing the characters and backgrounds to life with their own distinctive looks that match their ages, professions, and worn-down appearances. 

The point-and-click mechanic was a nice touch, and I loved the care you put into dressing the characters in various outfits. Although, I myself never wholly connected to the protagonist or his struggles, I thought everyone was written consistently and well. 

For whatever reason, the mysterious town vibes was reminding me of the DS game Professor Layton and the Curious Village. The ending reminded me of the ending of the horror film called Population 436. The bleeding eyes is something I found to be a bit cliché. A girl with bleeding eyes is also featured in another visual novel called When Winter Comes Again, but that was a totally different context in a completely different genre. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it can come across contrived.

Ultimately, I rate this visual novel a solid 8.5/10. Great job!

I found this game through your devlog on YouTube, which was hilarious to watch. Having played one route of this game, I liked the backgrounds, the simplicity of going after a certain crush, and the slice-of-life feel of the story. There was humor, and the pun at the end there was masterclass! I also loved the hot pink animated title screen.

The anime character sprites were at odds with the backgrounds, but that was no biggie for me. Although, the one character sprite was so big, he seemed bigger than the other character sprites and appeared a bit blurry. It was the guy with the blonde hair and blue outfit.

Otherwise, the story did grow on me with time, and I was surprised to see how you weaved in certain subplots with the overall main plot.

I will say, I didn't know who Tyler was. I met Joel, Colin, Thomas, and Andrew. So, when the game asks me who I want to work with, I'm like, "Who's Tyler? Did I miss something?"

I'm assuming he could be found when choosing different choices, unless you accidentally put in the name Tyler instead of Thomas there. Regardless, I went with Joel. So, I took no mind to that.

There were times I pressed the spacebar too quickly, I suppose, and missed text. I also found the save button later on in the game above the textbox. I don't know why. Originally, there was the load, options, and main menu buttons above the textbox in the beginning of the game, but there was no save button until later on in the experience, which confused me, as I could have at least saved earlier to load earlier text that I missed. 

Luckily, the story was simple enough that not seeing some dialogue didn't ruin the experience for me. Although, I thought I had to manually hover and click on the choice menu buttons, but it turns out that pressing the spacebar can trigger a choice to be chosen. Luckily, it chose the option I wanted to go with, and I only struggled with that once in my single playthrough thus far.

Frankly, I don't know if I would go through a second playthrough with how long-winded, boring, and generic the story is from its dialogue to the length of its scenes. I saw moments of conflict, but I feel that they were low-stakes or didn't necessarily connect with the main character that those moments felt underwhelming overall.

I create visual novels, too, with my own crappy and low-effort art, which you can check out on my channel as well if you're interested. When I craft a story, I think about how to produce questions or conflicts in each scene, giving the protagonist a personal goal to reach for or a problem to solve that is meaningful to them.

I think I was missing who the protagonist was in this VN, but I also understand that the player was a blank-slate protagonist and that this was a parody of a dating sim. Although the plot was finishing the presentation, I didn't wholly connect with that plotline because it didn't seem truly meaningful to the MC. However, the romance grew onto me, as that was the heart of the story. So, good job there! I love a good romance.

By the way, I loved the heart animations when moving between scenes. Lovely touch there, as it really gives the game a sense of personality and to reinforce that this is a romantic dating sim.

I think the plotline with the presentation could have been stronger if we the players saw how the MC worked through that either with examples, internal conflict, or even how MC and partner worked on it together to really reinforce the importance of that plotline while also weaving in moments of romance and friendship in there.

However, hindsight is 20/20, and maybe I'm taking things more seriously than I should. Regardless, I give it a solid 6.5/10. Nice job!

Thanks. I had written this story back in 2025, but I literally didn’t start development of it until the end of February this year in 2026. I only updated it recently this month to update a minor mistake in the placement of an end quote. I did read that this game jam can meant for both old and new NSFW stories, so long as development of the visual novel falls within the period of the game jam. 

I also wanted to keep things vague on purpose on the game page for both mystery and intrigue, but I did accurately and appropriately tag this piece of work.

Finally, the music and sound effects, I had already created those pieces of instrumental sounds for my previous visual novels. I tend to recycle and reuse my own original pieces of music for all of my visual novels. However, the art, I had created back in February, specifically made for this VN, which I’ll detail more about in my next devlog on YouTube. 

So, I hope I followed all of the rules and guidelines properly then. If not, you or myself can always remove this submission from this game jam then, as I wasn’t even aware of this game jam when finishing this VN up. Thanks! 

The story was still very easy to read and follow along. The way you write can be considered a stylistic choice, and I saw your devlog first, which is how I came across this VN. So, I understand that English isn’t your first language. I hope I didn’t come across too harshly on that front. Plus, you can always update it with more content or fixes. 

I say just work on fleshing out the second half of your story to make it feel more fleshed out. Otherwise, it’s great the way it is. 

Think about story structure and what the protagonist’s goals and wants are. This is because even though the story ended with the protagonist going on a date with her love interest, the story didn’t feel quite complete to me because I didn’t know if the protagonist would end up with her love interest or not officially. What lesson did she learn? That’s not to say you can’t have an open-ended resolution, but a story should feel complete at the same time. 

These are six questions you can ask yourself and answer to guide yourself in telling a short, concise, and complete short story. (I found this information from a YouTube video. I did not come up with these questions myself.)

1. Who is it about?

2. What do they want?

3. What do they do?

4. Why doesn’t that work?

5. What do they finally do?

6. What is the end?

Well, I guess I could answer all of those questions, as it’s about Nyli who wants Vesper. She meets up with him for coffee to do a school project in the hopes of asking him out. It fails because Gigi gets in the way and wants to ask him out for Valentine’s Day instead. In order to combat this, Nyli confronts her, and the story ends with Nyli and Vesper going on a “date” on Valentine’s Day. 

I put “date” in quotes because it wasn’t a real one, as Nyli never confronted her feelings, making the ending feel not as satisfactory as it could have been. Not to say she has to express her feelings. Heck, she could simply acknowledge her feelings and let him go upon seeing Vesper and Gigi together on Valentine’s Day, for example.

The ending may have felt anticlimactic to me because since the confrontation with Gigi was skipped over, it felt like that the encounter at the park with Vesper was the climax instead. 

I didn’t get a sense of the falling action or resolution, and if this was a fake date of sorts, with the main character even questioning things, then it feels like things are still unresolved, with the true ending yet to come until things reach their natural conclusion, which I didn’t get the sense of. 

Again, this is just me. This is also a demo. The story could also simply end with her being happy or vengeful after the date back at her house as she thinks things over from the day. That way, the story ends with the reader knowing her stance and views on things, as this is a character-driven story, and thus the story has a resolution in regards to her feelings and desires. 

Ultimately, a story is a character wanting something, and something is getting in the way of the character’s wants. Thus, looking at your story from that lens, I don’t know if Nyli truly got what she wanted, how she felt about the date, and if she will continue to pursue Vesper or not. I think if you add such information in, an epilogue, if you will, it would go a long way in making the story feel complete and whole. 

Although, that’s just my take. You can take it or leave it. None of what I’m saying is truth, but these are things to consider and ponder nonetheless.

Interestingly enough, I got the true ending on my first try. I really enjoyed reading and playing through this visual novel. I loved the contrast between the characters and the backgrounds, too! I did notice there was no apostrophe for Valentine's Day in the beginning, and the word anticipating was misspelled. 

I also felt like I read a bunch of dependent clauses where they should have been connected to the starting sentences with a colon, comma, or em dash, or the sentences could have been turned into independent clauses with linking verbs or connected together with coordinating conjunctions. 

These sentences wouldn't need a comma and should be worded as such below:

"But the thought of him spending time with anyone else makes my skin crawl."

"All of his favorite songs are my favorites, too."

This sentence here below could use an extra comma for added clarity:

"He keeps occupying my thoughts... all morning, afternoon, and night."

Otherwise, everything else seemed fine to me. The narration and story actually flowed well. 

The dialogue between various characters and the characterization of the main character was well done, too, highlighting their different personalities and the different kinds of banters between them. Good job! 

The story was evenly paced, too. The only thing that caught me off guard story-wise was when I chose how to deal with the antagonist of the story, and then it skips that interaction and jumps to Nyli's day with her crush. It had all of this build-up and rising action, and I felt like I missed the climax of the story somehow. Otherwise, I really enjoyed it. 

Although, the way crush slides across the screen at the park could look more smooth or less abrupt. I don't know if it needs a hpunch or a vpunch after it or if the original sprite should have been hidden with a dissolve. It just didn't look quite right to me for whatever reason, but that's a minor nitpick. 

You can also hide the quick menu with $ quick_menu = False during the moments when a player can choose a choice. You can equate it back to true afterwards to bring it back up on the screen. 

Finally, the window icon can be changed from its default look. You can find it in the GUI folder. You can also remove the 1.0 from the main menu in the code where it states text "[config.version}": style "main_menu_version underneath screen main_menu() in screens.rpy. You would put two hashtags (#) in front of each of those two lines. 

Hello! I found your game through a devlog. Loved the humor in it as well as the art and concept of the game. It took me 35 minutes to beat. I would do well with the platforming during the final boss, but I don't know if it was my computer or the game itself, but it would briefly lag, causing me to not jump as far as I would have liked and thus causing me to fail and having to redo that level. That, or I would make a good jump, but a floating piece of rock would be in the way, causing me to not leap as far as I intended. I wasn't sure if I was going to beat that final level, especially because you have to continuously move during that level with pretty good precision to make it all the way up to the top. I was wondering if there was a button to make the character run. Otherwise, I enjoyed the game, art, platforming, and music of this game. Although, the windy storm sequences gave me stress, but I was glad that was a short-lived scene. I also understand you have to make the game interesting, but it briefly ruined the relaxation I developed earlier on. I also would have liked to have moved the character with the arrow keys instead of W, A, S, and D, but that's only because my right hand is my dominant hand. I noticed the different sound effects when the protagonist moved, fell, and jumped. Those were nice touches, and I loved the camera work in here too. Made the levels that much clearer. Although, the music could have faded between songs better, but that's a minor nitpick. I also loved the parallax backgrounds and foregrounds. I was expecting the desert level to have been the same runtime as the white level. So, when the desert level kept going, I was wondering when it was going to end. I also thought there would have been more discs to find, since it broke into more than just two pieces. I see that the game is still in development. That could explain it. Otherwise, I wasn't sure when the cutscenes would end, and when the character fell and jumped back up during the first cutscene, the screen was black, and I couldn't see the character move up. I don't know if that was a stylistic choice or not, but that confused me. All in all, I give this a 4.5/5! Good job!

For changing the location of the game menu buttons, you want to comment out the phrase “use navigation” in game menu. That should hide those menu buttons. Then, you can copy and paste the navigation menu and set it up under game menu and change it’s xpos, xalign, or xoffset. That should do the trick, I hope. 😅

So, I played through this visual novel. I don't know if this was meant to be written ironically to be funny or not, but it had a vibe of it was so bad, it's good kind of funny. The joke at the study desk and later with the plot twist reveal from the female character was hilarious, in my opinion. 

The art and music were beautifully done, as well. Although, Ronnie's hoodie has a light blue glow to his clothes during the first scene when it's evening. Otherwise, the art matched with the events of the story. 

Another issue I noticed was that the menu buttons in the game menu were on the right and not on the left, which would overlap with other buttons and text in the game menu screen. So, you might want to change their location. 

Finally, the writing was a bit all over the place with the hopping points of views and the story being written in first-person and not third-person omniscient. Luckily, I could understand and follow along with the story well enough, but sometimes scenes abruptly transitioned from one area to the next, which gave me a bit of whiplash, especially with needing to read who's speaking or thinking to know whose point of view I'm reading in at any given time. 

Otherwise, it was a funny, enjoyable, and short enough read with a happy and sweet ending. Good job! 

So, after playing this for three hours, I can say that I've pretty much gotten every ending to my knowledge. You could say it was... a tough stroll! Jokes aside, it did become an annoying and frustrating stroll for me having to go back and do everything all over again to get each and every ending. Rather, the "friend" route just angered me. I knew I wouldn't like that kid, and I didn't. Every time I went down that path, it just angered me unlike all the other routes. I don't know why, but I was surprised of his redemption arc. Some arcs made sense. Other endings were just completely out of left field. I would have preferred a tragic ending to the girl if you choose to study with the male friend. I noticed that certain routes can lock you into two bad endings or two good endings. Sometimes I liked that. Other times, I didn't. Otherwise, I could follow the stories in my mind as they went along. Yet, sometimes the player walking through the woods aligned with what the main character was doing. Yet, for the most part, what the player was doing had nothing to do with what was going on narratively. That wasn't an issue for me, and I understood that it would have taken more time and assets if this narrative experience was portrayed as a standard visual novel or if the player experience aligned with the events of the various stories the player can go down. I think it would have been an easier stroll if there was a branching tree map of the choices that were already chosen where the player can fast track to different routes without starting all over again. However, I understand that would have defeated the purpose of calling this and making this a tough stroll, as is the game's title. All in all, I rate this a 6.5/10 because the narrative was a bit all over the place for me, and I started to dislike the routes the more I discovered more of them for whatever reason. It's not the fault of the writer or his intentions with this branching narrative. It's just my personal feeling of going through this game. I did like the music, though. Loved the graphics and changes in the atmosphere. I felt the glowing, yellow sign depicted a good outcome while the glowing, purple sign depicted a bad outcome, even though that was not the case at all. Yet, I wasn't a fan of those color choices, nor was I fan of those floating rectangles behind the signs. I understood they were there to signal to the player to go over to either sign, but they kept looking like dollar signs to me, which would throw me off. Furthermore, a tough stroll sounds like a bit of an oxymoron because both words contradict one another. Yet. it works for this game. 

For me, I've written a lot of visual novels with different choices and endings, even making a light walking simulator game through RPG Maker MZ that was essentially a visual novel, too. So, whenever I've done branching storylines, it was always within the context of the main character's goals, motivations, or conflicts, whether they were their own character or a blank slate of a character. Usually, such endings ended with different nuances of the same situations, or I created different plots with completely different story beats from beginning, middle, to end. So, I say that all to say that I may have my own biases here at play. I don't know. Then again, I wasn't a fan of the visual novel Class '09: The Re-Up, which had a skip function and different plotlines that led to different outcomes within the context of the main character's situation. Ironically, I liked the narrative walking sim 7th Chance, and that one involved long walks through nature to find objects related to the main character's past, which had nothing to do with the setting. Yet, I liked that game more because I had to hunt for the items in different locations, and there was some thinking involved when it came to making certain decisions. However, some people didn't like that game because of the same reasons of walking too far away to get the different items to reach a simple ending in their words. Even so, I didn't feel that way because I felt like I was on a treasure hunt, and it told a more compact and confined story while yours felt boring and annoying to me because of the outlandish storylines and having to walk down one long path when the walking itself didn't necessarily need to be there to tell the stories, which were separate from the gameplay, I felt anyway. On the other hand, in my walking sim game Dreary, Dismal Days, where you walked and when you walked somewhere determined what conversations and outcomes you would get in the game. Likewise, a game where I had 27 different endings, I had branching paths and choices that didn't involve walking because it was a visual novel, but because of the medium I was telling those stories in, it allowed for less time to be wasted with the skip and load functions being available to the player. It was a visual novel I published on my profile here called Mother if you want to check that out as well as my other games. Thus, I think I was wanting that instant gratification in your game, maybe being so used to playing and making visual novels myself. I don't know. Regardless, I was glad to be able to play this game with its flaws and all. I also didn't mind the music overlapping or continually playing after going through a route in the game. It was a bit hard to read certain text at times due to its dark color and the dark background, but I was able to read through those moments anyway. I hope to see more games from you. Good job!

As a cashier myself, I give this a 10/10 for its realism. Good job! Very fun to play, and I liked seeing the different endings. 

I figured out why. I went by display name, not username. 

Maybe because there were numbers added to the end of my username that Discord gave me. Sorry about that. 😅

Okay. My display name is also ActiveDayDreamer on Discord. 

Whoo! I have Discord, but I never use it. You can hit me up at shelbylnofer@gmail.com.

if you’re more comfortable with Discord, I can see about setting that up, too. 

I used to be into astrology and creepypastas, and I’m always down for a good dating sim, too. I’ve been meaning to write a yandere VN, as well. So, those ideas work for me. We can also start from scratch with a new idea, too.

Cool! I’ve also collaborated with two of my artsy friends for two of my visual novels so far. So, I’m always down for collaborating, too, if you’re interested. 

I actually really like your art.  It’s cute and colorful. My only critique is that it sometimes looks flat in some places, but I think that was the point, and my art is flatter, anyway. 😅

Otherwise, I’m pretty flexible. They gave me art, and I would just build a story around said art. Examples include When Winter Comes and Vibrant Love on my page.

I mainly write coming-of-age dramas or romances that are wholesome or angsty, but I’ve dabbled in writing in the fantasy and horror genres before. Examples include The Power of Friendship and Curse on my page. 

I can work with a character sprite and a background or just a character sprite. A lot of my earlier works were self-contained stories like that, especially since they were for game jams. Examples include A Night Out, Class in Session, and Beach Waves on my page. 

I can also do branching paths that diverge into different plots or nuanced routes like in Mother and Love Days on my page. 

I’ve successfully done 25 game jams in total, and it usually takes me on average two weeks to a month to complete a visual novel. It can take me a week or less to write a good short story. 

I have Reddit, FB, Snapchat, YouTube, email, and this account if you’re interested in collaborating with me further. 

I was not aware of that. I also wasn't sure if this was a style of writing that I was reading. I hope I didn't come across arrogant or hypocritical in my essay of a rant. That's why I mentioned other examples of playing and reading through other visual novels and my own experience with game development. Even when I type up visual novels, I can end up with typos, and my work can range from boring to angsty and dramatic story-wise, which I'm astutely aware of. Plus, my art is bad, and I've been told it's crude. I've even criticized my own visual novels in the comments of my games. So, I am a critic all around. 

I also realize I write my visual novels differently than others. People write theirs like books or with streams of consciousnesses. I also tend to write by the seat of my pants, and there's no one way to write a piece of fiction. I just write mine like a movie script where they are more dialogue-driven and fast-paced in the sense that there is always some sort of conflict in every scene whereas other authors can be more light in that regard due to the slice-of-life nature of the genre they're writing in, which there's nothing wrong with that either. 

Although, if you poke around YouTube or Google, you'll find authors say that the driving force of any story is conflict, and without it, it can feel like a random series of events. At its core, a character having a goal plus an obstacle in the way of said character's goals is what equates to a plot. My works just happen to be more character-driven. 

Otherwise, I know what it's like to be given feedback on a piece of art, whether written or drawn, and it can hurt. So, I didn't want to shoot down your ego. However, I wanted to be truthful while giving advice along the way, even if it was unsolicited. Plus, I didn't know if I was being too harsh for a prototype. I've also done and participated in many game jams, too, where I rushed for the deadline. So, I know the feeling. 

Ultimately, at the end of the day, you got something out there, submitted your VN into a game jam, finished a story from beginning to middle to end, and you can always update the VN later if you so choose. That's still a win, and I'm just giving you my take as someone who appreciates the genre. You can write your visual novels however you want. That's the joy, power, and freedom of creativity. I just didn't want my critical feedback to discourage you from continuing your journey of game development, is all. 

Read with caution. Spoilers below.

So, I came here from the video you made about this project. I originally got the Edible Ending and then a bunch of dead ends. Then, because I put this through my Ren'Py launcher to play this on my Mac, I saw that there was a true ending and randomly chose answers again with some attention to detail to fall into a certain range to get the true ending, to which I did. If I didn't have that inside knowledge, I wouldn't have gotten that ending nor would know have known about its existence.

As for the game itself, I liked the art and the colors of the VN. I liked the CGs, too. Although, I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking at when the love interest was next to the MC in bed. I also found it funny how you had the characters go see a play about Rapunzel, as I also did that for my characters in the visual novel Love Days, which you can find on my profile here.

Yet, for a yandere story, I'm surprised you didn't mention about how the prince falls from the castle and becomes blinded by the thorns. That could have heightened her paranoia in the story or that sense of uneasiness. I know that from reading the original story. 

Otherwise, the story felt slow or boring in some places, and I was confused why Airi would call the MC kind or nice if the player chose to be cold to him. Furthermore, the way in which the player lives or is saved I wasn't a fan of because it had to do with how much Airi did or didn't like you and choosing seemingly inconsequential or unrelated decisions that had no bearing on one's survival.

In the game Negative Nancy, which is a story-driven game with multiple endings depending when and where and who you say, "No" to, I was able to figure out and get the endings where Nancy is saved by particular characters because of how she treated certain characters earlier in the episode. That to me made more sense because there was a clear cause and effect and positive and negative reaction to one's choices that didn't hinge on a hidden value based off of dialogue choices that were different shades of grey and nuances. 

I knew the true ending existed because you stated it at the end, but I wasn't sure if it did exist after trying different choices out and getting the same bad ending. Otherwise, there were a bunch of grammatical mistakes. Yet, I was fine with that, since I knew you said you were rushed for time, with this being a game jam. Some standouts were "stakes" instead of "steaks", "builds" instead of "bills", "there" instead of "their", "existing" instead of "existence", and "short staffed" instead of "short-staffed." 

Sometimes apostrophes were forgotten or misplaced, and oftentimes, the first letter of a sentence was not capitalized. Regardless, I was able to understand everything. So, it's all good. I understand this was a rushed prototype. Just pointing out errors to help you clean up the VN better after the fact or to be aware of such issues for future visual novels. 

Furthermore, I didn't like how the font was small in the beginning, but I got used to it. I legitimately thought there were uppercase F's in random places of the text, but turns out that is just how the font looks. That threw me off. I also noticed the text is white and therefore unreadable in the game menu. You might want to check that out.

I wasn't sure how Airi rhymed with Siri. I read his name as Ari or Airy pronunciation-wise, which seemed more feminine than masculine to me for a boy's name, unless that was what you were going for. The relaxing music reminded me of the music from the hit visual novel Our Life: Beginning and Always. I was surprised that the comfy music still played in scenes where the character felt uncomfortable. Silence could have been used there in such moments, unless you wanted that juxtaposition. It also would have been nice if the player could name the MC or if the MC had a name herself (or himself). Also, it doesn't make sense for Airi to be known as Airi in the beginning of the game if the main character doesn't know his name yet. 

Additionally, when I was skipping the game a lot, I noticed there was an audio error where the relaxing music overlapped with the piano music when the MC leaves the café and goes back home with Airi. Both musical tracks play at the same time there. Although, it stops once MC wakes up in the basement, and that's when only one track plays, which was the new one by then.

All in all, I liked the game. Well, I'm mixed on it. Even putting the nitpicks aside, I wasn't feeling invested in the characters or in the storyline. Although, I was excited when I got closer to Airi. Yet, I was disappointed and confused when he decided to eat the MC despite liking the MC. He could have easily gotten away with his criminal acts if he didn't give MC his special dishes.

To add to that confusion, not only does Airi think MC is kind either way, the MC likes that Airi is looking out for her or him later on in the game, even if MC is wary and cold of him prior to all of that. I felt maybe the story should have changed depending on how the MC felt about Airi in the final acts.

For example, MC could have texted his or her homegirl the night Airi was sleeping over at MC's place if MC was suspicious of Airi, making her friend's appearance later on more believable than something pulled out of thin air. 

Another thing, I think it would have been more believable to see the manager more in the beginning than only in that one scene, especially if he's the manager. I felt like scenes happened independent of the story to put conflict in the story rather than seamlessly flowing into one another. They felt like isolated incidents that happened randomly than feeling like there was natural build-up to those scenes. I don't know if this is making sense, but it also felt weird that it felt like MC worked at the café alone when she had other people working alongside her.

Also, at least in America, employees want the customers to leave after they're done their food. Of course, that's dependent on culture and establishment. Yet, it could have made for more interesting conflict if the MC didn't like Airi's continuous presence or if the manager didn't either. Food for thought there (pun intended).

Finally, sorry for making a harsh review here. It's meant to be constructive, not destructive. My biggest issue with this visual novel was the slow pacing and boring filler moments. However, I've seen this in other hit visual novels like Our Life: Beginning and Always, Arcade Spirits, and other indie visual novel titles. 

As someone who writes short stories for my own visual novels, reads indie visual novels, and provides feedback in the Ren'Py subreddit, even, I've come to realize that people may prioritize art over storytelling in this sphere. 

It's not so much about good writing versus bad writing or perfect grammar versus horrible grammar. It's just that I'll find myself forcing myself to read through a pretty-looking but boring-to-read visual novel half the time. This is because I find there is a lack of conflict in the story. Thus, I'm waiting for things to happen, or it makes for an underwhelming experience. Luckily, you don't overly describe the setting with descriptive text, as I've seen other visual novels do. Instead, I felt like I read through filler dialogue or dialogue that bored me. Maybe that's a personal nitpick of mine, and you can completely disregard that.

However, for as much dialogue as there was, I felt I only knew the characters on a surface-level. I wasn't sure what to think of the main character and didn't have a solid grasp of who he or she was, even. I felt scenes switched between locations because they had to, not because I was living through the character and following along with their thought processes, fears, or desires. The "what" of a novel is the plot and events of a novel. The "who" of a novel is the story and person of a novel. It's the "why" behind the actions of the main character that drives the story forward and gives meaning to the events that take place. 

If a story is a character desiring something and wanting to obtain a goal but something is getting in their way, then I'm not quite sure what the protagonist of this story truly wanted. Sure, Airi presented himself to the MC, but even if that character didn't make their presence overtly known, then I don't know what the MC would have truly wanted or why the MC was intrigued with Airi to begin with. Thus, it begs what the story is behind this visual novel.

Additionally, I work in customer service too and see and talk with regulars all the time. That doesn't mean I want to hang out with them, let alone with my coworkers. 

All in all, I understand the story externally but not internally, and maybe it would have flowed better or be better understood if both the external events of the story and the internal desires and fears of the main character were taken into account when planning and writing out the story.

Ultimately, I give this visual novel a 7.5/10. Love the art and the colors. Could work on story, grammar, and dialogue. Good job!

Thanks! It sucks that I couldn't submit it into the game jam in time, but for a visual novel of this size and scope, I think I worked on it and released it at a reasonable time considering everything that went involved in the making of it. I wasn't just color coordinating the backgrounds and characters but the game menu and the page for the game itself! If you notice, the characters start off gray, become grayer, and then become colorful in conjunction to the rising and falling events of the story. I thought that was a neat touch. Artistically and storytelling-wise, I thought this visual novel turned out great! As for the music and sound effects, they could have been overused in some places, but I didn't want to seek out further assets. Thus, I used my own in more places than not, which either weren't the correct sound effect for the sound it was describing, or they were drowned out by the music, I found, anyway. Regardless, I give this VN a solid 8.5/10. This one is definitely leagues beyond better than my usual ones, and I'm glad how it turned out. I'm so glad and relieved you like this just as much! That's all that matters to me, but I also let the other creators know I used their assets for this particular VN, too, as that's why they made those assets—for other people to use! All in all, you were awesome to collaborate and work with, too! Thank you for your patience, hard work, and feedback as well! I'm always willing to collab in the future.

Hey, thanks for the sound effects! They were amazing to use and are very clear to hear. Although I didn't end up using the Dark Cave track since a dark cave is featured in my latest VN, I did end up using Forest With Birds, Spring Water, and Winter Storm for my latest visual novel. I credited you as well. Check it out here if you're interested.

https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

Hey, thanks for the various soundtracks you created here for others to listen to, share, and use! I used Hope and Woo Scary in my latest visual novel here if you're interested in seeing and hearing it out. https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

Thank you for creating and sharing this beautiful piece of music for others to listen to and use. I used it for my latest visual novel and credited you. It's here if you're interested in checking it out. https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

I bought your campfire pack for my latest visual novel. Thanks! It helped set the mood and tone of the scene. Check it out here if you're interested. https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

I used all of those sample scenes for my latest visual novel here if you want to check it out. Thanks! They were a big help!

https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

I like the color of the snowflakes! I used one for the window icon for my latest visual novel here: https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes. Check it out if you want.

Nice backgrounds! I used two of them for my latest visual novel! You can check it out here if you're interested. https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

Thanks! My cat likes to nap on me, too! 😸

So, I playtested it. Usually, I would use the arrow keys to move the player. By using the mouse, I could walk around the map I’m on, but I couldn’t move from one map to the next. This is because I made it based on arrow key movement and presses to transfer a player between places. Furthermore, I had the triggering moments be on the floor, not on the NPCs or items themselves. If you directly click on a NPC with your mouse, it won’t do anything. If you click on the floor in front of them, it will trigger a dialogue moment with them. Same can be done if you stand there and press the Z key, Enter key, or spacebar. That could explain your issue there, or so I hope. 😅

I’ve playtested this game multiple times. You can interact with the NPCs in the two office buildings. Although, the second NPC in the second building can end up saying or doing nothing when triggering enough dialogue moments in the game. Although, if you meant that you wished you could have had further or branching dialogue with them, then that makes sense. Again, instead of the player actively changing the flow of the conversation in real time, it’s changed through where the player decides to walk or who they choose to talk to and when. Thus, it’s a roundabout and annoying way to see different endings for the completionist. Although, if you can’t interact with the second NPC at all, then that’s a problem. Let me know if that’s the case if I’m not mistaken. 

There are multiple endings depending on who you talk to, when you talk to them, where you go, and when you decide to go somewhere. I’m curious if you got the true ending, which is the only ending that is named. Thus, the endings can range from dark to wholesome depending on the chain of events that happen. 

I’ve never seen arrow keys in the game. It was made in RPG Maker MZ. The ability to walk and generate text was also pre-programmed into the engine itself. Didn’t know how to change it, but it worked fine for me. 

I’ll admit, the game can be considered bare-bones due to the lack of items you can interact with. I was lazy there and only allowed important items or NPCs to be interacted with. And the game can be repetitive with its music and having to start a new game or reload after every ending. Thus, the game can feel long and short at the same time. 

It doesn’t help that there is no indication of what ending you get when you get an ending other than the true ending. I left that ambiguous for the player to encourage exploration and replayability. Also, I was once again lazy and didn’t feel like counting how many endings there were in each place. Besides, I wanted to surprise the player with various cutscenes. 

You can skip dialogue by holding down the spacebar, Z key, or Enter key, and you can speed up the character by holding down the Shift key when moving. 

This game could have been better experienced as a regular visual novel without the walking involved, as it would have made branching paths and triggering moments more clear to the player. Thus, for future narrative walking sims I make through RPG Maker, I’ll make the game more linear in its story and only present two options to the player to make things less confusing and complicated overall. 

However, I’m happy with the game I made and in allowing player agency, which was the goal, as well as bringing the story to life in various ways for replayability. 

Thanks! The special scenes were cute. I ended up treating it as a dating sim when I forgot everyone was only going to be friends. If the character has already maxed out a stat, then making that choice unclickable would work, similar to how the player couldn’t play video games all day, despite that being a choice. 

This game reminded me of Tokimeki Memorial, which was a hit, Japanese, stat-managing and dating sim game back from the 90’s. Although a fan-made English patch exists for that game, I couldn’t get the emulator to work, and I resorted to using Google Translate while using a free web browser for it. 

And that game was 5 hours long, but the difference is that the player sees the stats increase, and the player can eventually unlock different cutscenes depending on stats, seasons, or in-game events like yours. 

So, I’m assuming you were trying to go for something like that. There are also YouTube Let’s Plays for the game too with English text if you’re interested in checking that out yourself. Although, having played through the game multiple times myself, even that game that pioneered this genre became tedious, repetitive, long-winded, and boring for me. 

I think it’s because there is a lack of story in such games, and I’m seeing disconnected scenes play out when triggering events. Yours I liked because the protagonist was a character and not a faceless self-insert, they had a backstory, and I could see how all of the events tied into the bigger, overall story. 

The only other minor complaint I have is that sometimes the backgrounds were too close to the character sprites or looked too different from the polished character sprites, or they were at a weird angle, like when they were playing cards and the table facing an aerial position when behind them. I got used to it, but it threw me off at first. 

Although, I know backgrounds can be hard. So, l didn’t mind it, especially when other backgrounds looked fantastic and had variety. I especially loved the different classroom settings and CGs. 

Nonetheless, I tried different times in creating a game like this and always stopped short. So, I can understand the amount of time and effort it took to build a kind of game like this. So, kudos to you! 

I also found some typos here.

So, I played through the whole entire game, and I mainly did Victor's route. I got half of a green heart with him. Don't know how to unlock the rest of that heart, but this was a cute but long visual novel to get through. I liked the various art pieces, and the music mostly fit the tone of the story. Maybe because of the way I played it, but the story became tedious and repetitive, and the story beats felt too far apart and spread out. There were moments of intrigue, mystery, and heart in this story that sometimes pulled at my heartstrings. Otherwise, the way the story was set up, I was waiting to finish the VN or waiting until something interesting happened. Even the beginning didn't completely pull me in, as I felt like things were happening in the story without the emotion or motivation behind why the characters were there in the first place. Thus, the beginning felt stilted and boring to me, especially with the slice-of-life-moments. As cute as those scenes were, they didn't invest or grab me into the story or their world. This is because there was no tension or conflict that created reader engagement. However, when things started getting more serious later on, that's when things started getting interesting and emotional. Maybe if I replayed the game and went through various routes at once, the story would be more fleshed-out and fulfilling for me. Otherwise, it was a nice read with pretty art and nice-sounding music. Good job! I give it a 7.5/10.

Thanks! This is my thirtieth visual novel so far. So, I have other short stories you can read on here for free that are in the form of visual novels. Sometimes I like to go with a certain color in my visual novels, whether that be blue, pink, gray, or green. Otherwise, I’m in the works of making a visual novel in RPG Maker right now. The big difference there is that it’ll involve some light walking to get from one place to the next or to make a choice in the game. Of course, I’ll still use Ren’Py for future visual novels, but I’m trying to spice things up too for future games as well. Take care! Love the feedback! 😃😊

I tried to go for reds, oranges, yellows, and browns for fall colors. Although, I definitely see what you mean there. I was trying to keep similar colors together to complement one another and to keep them muted to not overwhelm the senses. I didn’t want any one thing to stand out. However, the witch’s house is very brown and red. So, I totally understand that being too overwhelming there. 

I do have a habit of overusing the shake effect because I feel like certain dialogues need that extra oomph. You can also disable transitions in preferences to get rid of those shake effects in playthroughs. 

The acorn minigame I created through the use of screens and jumping from one label to the next. That minigame was originally going to serve the purpose of the protagonist foraging for fallen acorns to help create the pie, except the story changed since, making that portion of the game feel like filler. 

Although, I still put it in there to break up the monotony of always having the player read through text and to lengthen the window of time between the protagonist starting in the woods and getting to the witch’s house. 

I created this through the use of Ren’Py. In Ren’Py, you simply show and hide character sprites and backgrounds, and you write out the text and narration in quotes. It’s very easy to use. I highly recommend it. 

So long as you have a story in mind, you’re good to go, as the story is the foundation for a visual novel, while the visuals are what helps communicate that very same story. That’s my advice to you if you ever decide to get into making visual novels yourself. 😊

Otherwise, thanks for playing and leaving a review! I greatly appreciate it! 🤩

Review with Spoilers Ahead

I got both endings and read through the extras. It was a cute and fun platformer. I liked the animations in the game, too. Sometimes, the story felt drawn out or directionless at times, but I didn't get the sense that Cathy was aiding in the crimes. Rather, she was following the crow's orders, and she witnessed horrible deaths that the crow planned and executed for her to see. I could see that she was in an abusive relationship, but I didn't understand why she was drawn to the relationship to begin with or what compelled her to stay. So, both endings felt anticlimatic in that sense. The plot and the what was there, but the story and the who wasn't entirely there. Regardless, I liked the attention to detail in the game and how the player changed as Cathy's appearance changed. It made the game feel more meaningful, especially with how the main menu screen changes depending on what ending you get. I give it an 8/10.

Overview:

Having played through the demo, I thought it was competent and adequate enough for a slice-of-life VN with some romance that told a coming-of-age story. 

Cons:

There were some grammatical issues. Erika didn't have shading in one of her character expressions. When the main characters were at the food court, their character sprites looked smaller compared to the zoomed in background of the food court, which looked off to me. Furthermore, when the characters moved away and slid off screen, they didn't turn and face the direction they were moving towards. Otherwise, the story had a slow start, and it felt boring due to a lack of tension and conflict in a lot of scenes. 

Pros:

However, with this being a more chill VN, that's understandable and to be expected. I did love the character designs and the backgrounds, especially the added touches of art during special scenes. It gave the story a better sense of time and place to its surroundings and the characters who lived in its world. I loved the hint of romance that was cut short as well. Finally, I thought the story became interesting when Carter met one of Erika's rivals. I felt that was when the first true sign of conflict came up that felt tense and intriguing. 

Final Thoughts:

All in all, I'm interested in seeing how this visual novel shapes up. The cast of characters are unique and distinct enough from one another, and I liked how I got a sense of each of them through this short demo. The mystery behind Carter's past life is intriguing, too. His one-on-one moments with the girls are well-written and endearing, too. Keep up the good work! Can't wait to play through more of it! 

Yeah, Rose could have been more of an important character in the story, but she was your reasonable best friend who tried to reign the main character in. Even if she was offered to go along with them, she wouldn’t have gone along with them anyway because she isn’t dealing with that craziness. 😆

The speech bubbles are implemented into Ren’Py. So, that’s how I used them. However, in Reaching for the Sky, I made everything, including the speech bubbles, PNG images. This is because I wanted to move them dynamically across the screen, which I can only do with images. So, that one involved a lot of nifty animations.

My visual novel Mother has 27 different endings, no true ending, and no checkpoints to see which endings you’ve unlocked. So, that one will drive you crazy. 

Yet, other story games I’ve created like A Night Out, A Heart Undone, and Springtime Cafe all involve various choices, but it doesn’t take long to get to each ending, as each route is fairly short, and each of those do have a true ending. So, you might like those. 

They’re all visual novels with stories that I made up as I went along, and they revolve around conversations that can go in different directions. 

Thanks! The choices in the minigames didn’t correspond to the ending but rather the darker moments of the game. The last choice affects what ending you get, to which there are two. When you complete a minigame, you’ll see a word pop up with a particular color, which corresponds to the words the player was clicking on earlier. 

I think I made the minigames too long, and it is confusing, since there is no context. It’s basically a vocabulary game, but there are no hidden points associated to them that will affect Aya’s grades or her relationship to her crush. It didn’t help that some of the words were too similar to one another, but I liked it for what it was, and that’s how I tried to raise the difficulty for the player so as to not make it too easy.

Thanks for playing! 🤩

Thanks! 🤩

I didn’t know people scrolled through previous and older game jams. 😅

You learn something new every day. 😁