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So, I playtested it. Usually, I would use the arrow keys to move the player. By using the mouse, I could walk around the map I’m on, but I couldn’t move from one map to the next. This is because I made it based on arrow key movement and presses to transfer a player between places. Furthermore, I had the triggering moments be on the floor, not on the NPCs or items themselves. If you directly click on a NPC with your mouse, it won’t do anything. If you click on the floor in front of them, it will trigger a dialogue moment with them. Same can be done if you stand there and press the Z key, Enter key, or spacebar. That could explain your issue there, or so I hope. 😅

I’ve playtested this game multiple times. You can interact with the NPCs in the two office buildings. Although, the second NPC in the second building can end up saying or doing nothing when triggering enough dialogue moments in the game. Although, if you meant that you wished you could have had further or branching dialogue with them, then that makes sense. Again, instead of the player actively changing the flow of the conversation in real time, it’s changed through where the player decides to walk or who they choose to talk to and when. Thus, it’s a roundabout and annoying way to see different endings for the completionist. Although, if you can’t interact with the second NPC at all, then that’s a problem. Let me know if that’s the case if I’m not mistaken. 

There are multiple endings depending on who you talk to, when you talk to them, where you go, and when you decide to go somewhere. I’m curious if you got the true ending, which is the only ending that is named. Thus, the endings can range from dark to wholesome depending on the chain of events that happen. 

I’ve never seen arrow keys in the game. It was made in RPG Maker MZ. The ability to walk and generate text was also pre-programmed into the engine itself. Didn’t know how to change it, but it worked fine for me. 

I’ll admit, the game can be considered bare-bones due to the lack of items you can interact with. I was lazy there and only allowed important items or NPCs to be interacted with. And the game can be repetitive with its music and having to start a new game or reload after every ending. Thus, the game can feel long and short at the same time. 

It doesn’t help that there is no indication of what ending you get when you get an ending other than the true ending. I left that ambiguous for the player to encourage exploration and replayability. Also, I was once again lazy and didn’t feel like counting how many endings there were in each place. Besides, I wanted to surprise the player with various cutscenes. 

You can skip dialogue by holding down the spacebar, Z key, or Enter key, and you can speed up the character by holding down the Shift key when moving. 

This game could have been better experienced as a regular visual novel without the walking involved, as it would have made branching paths and triggering moments more clear to the player. Thus, for future narrative walking sims I make through RPG Maker, I’ll make the game more linear in its story and only present two options to the player to make things less confusing and complicated overall. 

However, I’m happy with the game I made and in allowing player agency, which was the goal, as well as bringing the story to life in various ways for replayability. 

Thanks! The special scenes were cute. I ended up treating it as a dating sim when I forgot everyone was only going to be friends. If the character has already maxed out a stat, then making that choice unclickable would work, similar to how the player couldn’t play video games all day, despite that being a choice. 

This game reminded me of Tokimeki Memorial, which was a hit, Japanese, stat-managing and dating sim game back from the 90’s. Although a fan-made English patch exists for that game, I couldn’t get the emulator to work, and I resorted to using Google Translate while using a free web browser for it. 

And that game was 5 hours long, but the difference is that the player sees the stats increase, and the player can eventually unlock different cutscenes depending on stats, seasons, or in-game events like yours. 

So, I’m assuming you were trying to go for something like that. There are also YouTube Let’s Plays for the game too with English text if you’re interested in checking that out yourself. Although, having played through the game multiple times myself, even that game that pioneered this genre became tedious, repetitive, long-winded, and boring for me. 

I think it’s because there is a lack of story in such games, and I’m seeing disconnected scenes play out when triggering events. Yours I liked because the protagonist was a character and not a faceless self-insert, they had a backstory, and I could see how all of the events tied into the bigger, overall story. 

The only other minor complaint I have is that sometimes the backgrounds were too close to the character sprites or looked too different from the polished character sprites, or they were at a weird angle, like when they were playing cards and the table facing an aerial position when behind them. I got used to it, but it threw me off at first. 

Although, I know backgrounds can be hard. So, l didn’t mind it, especially when other backgrounds looked fantastic and had variety. I especially loved the different classroom settings and CGs. 

Nonetheless, I tried different times in creating a game like this and always stopped short. So, I can understand the amount of time and effort it took to build a kind of game like this. So, kudos to you! 

I also found some typos here.

So, I played through the whole entire game, and I mainly did Victor's route. I got half of a green heart with him. Don't know how to unlock the rest of that heart, but this was a cute but long visual novel to get through. I liked the various art pieces, and the music mostly fit the tone of the story. Maybe because of the way I played it, but the story became tedious and repetitive, and the story beats felt too far apart and spread out. There were moments of intrigue, mystery, and heart in this story that sometimes pulled at my heartstrings. Otherwise, the way the story was set up, I was waiting to finish the VN or waiting until something interesting happened. Even the beginning didn't completely pull me in, as I felt like things were happening in the story without the emotion or motivation behind why the characters were there in the first place. Thus, the beginning felt stilted and boring to me, especially with the slice-of-life-moments. As cute as those scenes were, they didn't invest or grab me into the story or their world. This is because there was no tension or conflict that created reader engagement. However, when things started getting more serious later on, that's when things started getting interesting and emotional. Maybe if I replayed the game and went through various routes at once, the story would be more fleshed-out and fulfilling for me. Otherwise, it was a nice read with pretty art and nice-sounding music. Good job! I give it a 7.5/10.

Thanks! This is my thirtieth visual novel so far. So, I have other short stories you can read on here for free that are in the form of visual novels. Sometimes I like to go with a certain color in my visual novels, whether that be blue, pink, gray, or green. Otherwise, I’m in the works of making a visual novel in RPG Maker right now. The big difference there is that it’ll involve some light walking to get from one place to the next or to make a choice in the game. Of course, I’ll still use Ren’Py for future visual novels, but I’m trying to spice things up too for future games as well. Take care! Love the feedback! 😃😊

I tried to go for reds, oranges, yellows, and browns for fall colors. Although, I definitely see what you mean there. I was trying to keep similar colors together to complement one another and to keep them muted to not overwhelm the senses. I didn’t want any one thing to stand out. However, the witch’s house is very brown and red. So, I totally understand that being too overwhelming there. 

I do have a habit of overusing the shake effect because I feel like certain dialogues need that extra oomph. You can also disable transitions in preferences to get rid of those shake effects in playthroughs. 

The acorn minigame I created through the use of screens and jumping from one label to the next. That minigame was originally going to serve the purpose of the protagonist foraging for fallen acorns to help create the pie, except the story changed since, making that portion of the game feel like filler. 

Although, I still put it in there to break up the monotony of always having the player read through text and to lengthen the window of time between the protagonist starting in the woods and getting to the witch’s house. 

I created this through the use of Ren’Py. In Ren’Py, you simply show and hide character sprites and backgrounds, and you write out the text and narration in quotes. It’s very easy to use. I highly recommend it. 

So long as you have a story in mind, you’re good to go, as the story is the foundation for a visual novel, while the visuals are what helps communicate that very same story. That’s my advice to you if you ever decide to get into making visual novels yourself. 😊

Otherwise, thanks for playing and leaving a review! I greatly appreciate it! 🤩

Review with Spoilers Ahead

I got both endings and read through the extras. It was a cute and fun platformer. I liked the animations in the game, too. Sometimes, the story felt drawn out or directionless at times, but I didn't get the sense that Cathy was aiding in the crimes. Rather, she was following the crow's orders, and she witnessed horrible deaths that the crow planned and executed for her to see. I could see that she was in an abusive relationship, but I didn't understand why she was drawn to the relationship to begin with or what compelled her to stay. So, both endings felt anticlimatic in that sense. The plot and the what was there, but the story and the who wasn't entirely there. Regardless, I liked the attention to detail in the game and how the player changed as Cathy's appearance changed. It made the game feel more meaningful, especially with how the main menu screen changes depending on what ending you get. I give it an 8/10.

Overview:

Having played through the demo, I thought it was competent and adequate enough for a slice-of-life VN with some romance that told a coming-of-age story. 

Cons:

There were some grammatical issues. Erika didn't have shading in one of her character expressions. When the main characters were at the food court, their character sprites looked smaller compared to the zoomed in background of the food court, which looked off to me. Furthermore, when the characters moved away and slid off screen, they didn't turn and face the direction they were moving towards. Otherwise, the story had a slow start, and it felt boring due to a lack of tension and conflict in a lot of scenes. 

Pros:

However, with this being a more chill VN, that's understandable and to be expected. I did love the character designs and the backgrounds, especially the added touches of art during special scenes. It gave the story a better sense of time and place to its surroundings and the characters who lived in its world. I loved the hint of romance that was cut short as well. Finally, I thought the story became interesting when Carter met one of Erika's rivals. I felt that was when the first true sign of conflict came up that felt tense and intriguing. 

Final Thoughts:

All in all, I'm interested in seeing how this visual novel shapes up. The cast of characters are unique and distinct enough from one another, and I liked how I got a sense of each of them through this short demo. The mystery behind Carter's past life is intriguing, too. His one-on-one moments with the girls are well-written and endearing, too. Keep up the good work! Can't wait to play through more of it! 

Yeah, Rose could have been more of an important character in the story, but she was your reasonable best friend who tried to reign the main character in. Even if she was offered to go along with them, she wouldn’t have gone along with them anyway because she isn’t dealing with that craziness. 😆

The speech bubbles are implemented into Ren’Py. So, that’s how I used them. However, in Reaching for the Sky, I made everything, including the speech bubbles, PNG images. This is because I wanted to move them dynamically across the screen, which I can only do with images. So, that one involved a lot of nifty animations.

My visual novel Mother has 27 different endings, no true ending, and no checkpoints to see which endings you’ve unlocked. So, that one will drive you crazy. 

Yet, other story games I’ve created like A Night Out, A Heart Undone, and Springtime Cafe all involve various choices, but it doesn’t take long to get to each ending, as each route is fairly short, and each of those do have a true ending. So, you might like those. 

They’re all visual novels with stories that I made up as I went along, and they revolve around conversations that can go in different directions. 

Thanks! The choices in the minigames didn’t correspond to the ending but rather the darker moments of the game. The last choice affects what ending you get, to which there are two. When you complete a minigame, you’ll see a word pop up with a particular color, which corresponds to the words the player was clicking on earlier. 

I think I made the minigames too long, and it is confusing, since there is no context. It’s basically a vocabulary game, but there are no hidden points associated to them that will affect Aya’s grades or her relationship to her crush. It didn’t help that some of the words were too similar to one another, but I liked it for what it was, and that’s how I tried to raise the difficulty for the player so as to not make it too easy.

Thanks for playing! 🤩

Thanks! 🤩

I didn’t know people scrolled through previous and older game jams. 😅

You learn something new every day. 😁

Thanks! I appreciate the kind words. 🤩 Out of curiosity, how did you stumble upon this VN? I ask with it being one of my older ones and all. 😅

This felt like the cousin of Milk Inside of a Bag. Yet, you made it your own. Good job on that.

Spoilers ahead!

I expected the story to end with the daughter giving the medicine to her mother, as that was the goal of the protagonist. For that to have been brushed to the side made for an unsatisfactory conclusion from my point of view.

However, it can still be brought up as a later event, since this is a demo. In fact, the mother could become angry at the daughter for taking so long and for possibly getting the wrong medicine. Obviously, she'll interact with her mother again, or so I assume. I get that impression anyway, since the mother and the protagonist's thoughts seem to be the antagonists in this story. Otherwise, I'm surprised the father was in the picture at all.  

I really liked the dynamic between the mother and daughter. I liked how although the daughter feared the mother, she still loved her and tried to show it. I liked that. It humanizes their relationship. The artwork of the mother was my favorite, and I felt like it fit the atmosphere and mood of the story the best. 

As for the black screens, I didn't mind them. Since it was in the beginning during the intro, it gave a sense of mystery and mystique. Yet, when the black screen appeared in later scenes, I felt you could have used more creepy or unsettling backgrounds to help the reader visualize those moments better. However, this is a demo, and that choice is up to you.

I'm also very glad that this was simply a visual novel and not a point-and-click game or a VN that had many dead ends like Milk Outside of a Bag and Milk Inside of a Bag. That gave me much relief.

However, what I liked about those stories were their cohesiveness in their art styles. Here, the character sprites were bright, vibrant, and popped with color, which contrasted the grainy, muted, and unsettling backgrounds. It threw me off, but I'm assuming such a contrast was intentional. 

Otherwise, the story beats felt long with the many explanations involved. I suppose that's the point with the internal conflict going on. Yet, it made the pacing feel slow, and it made the story feel a bit all over the place. Although, it worked in creating a false sense of safety for when the jumpscares came up. So, that's where the long narrations worked.

Although, I'm surprised there wasn't any shake screen effects to add to the drama when the text was big, red, bold, and with many exclamation points. Reading such text felt underwhelming without a sound effect or visual effect to make it more impactful and punchy. Although, it's not necessary.

Otherwise, I really liked the transitions you had in the main menu and game menu. They were really cool! I was expecting there to be a transition of some sort when starting the game, except there wasn't one. Again, not necessary. Just an observation. 

Finally, you had some spelling and grammatical mistakes. You would misspell "strength" and said "in the kitchen counter" instead of "on the kitchen counter", among other minor typos. It didn't ruin the experience for me.

Although, the jumpscares gave me some anxiety, but they were well-done and effective. I liked how I could still continue the story and that their presence wasn't a visual cue of a dead end. Thank you for that. I appreciated that.

I also noticed the NEET girl from your other VN, and I really liked that one. I felt like that VN had a stronger story and character, but this one was good, too. In this story, I knew about the girl's problems and her thought processes, but I don't know if I got a sense of herself or her personality beyond that. That's just me, though.

All in all, good job! I'm interested in seeing where this VN goes! 

I played both routes and loved the art of the game. 

Between Collette and Scout, Scout was my favorite of the two girls  

Scout’s route had me internally cracking up with the Tim Burton line and the line about the black toilet. 😆

I did notice some spelling mistakes. Collette doesn’t say, “affect” but instead “affct.” 

Scout says, “Scout and Scout” instead of “Collette and Scout.”

Otherwise, I felt that the ending monologue was written in a way that better reflected Scout’s personality versus Collette’s personality. Yet, I liked and agreed with the overall sentiment in the game’s conclusion.

Hopefully, this VN of yours doesn’t get banned or removed. I’m thankful one of my visual novels didn’t get removed, at least not yet, and that one featured NSFW content. 

I even signed the petition, outraged by the censorship as well. 

Keep up the good work! 🤩

Thank you for the kind words. This is actually a work of fiction where the spark of the idea came from the toxic yuri game jam itself.

Ironically, in spite of my own religious beliefs, I’ve been wanting to write a yuri visual novel for over a year now. In a previous attempt from a different story, I let my own discomfort stop me from going forth with such a story due to the topic of homosexuality.

So, I felt like this game jam gave me the challenge and push to write something both outside and within my comfort zone, as I’ve honed in on creating dramas revolving around family and relationships.

Now, I’ll most likely write that other story from a year ago once again, having written this one. Otherwise, a visual novel where I’ve based it off of myself is one I created called Reaching for the Sky. The story is a work of fiction, but the protagonist, her struggles, and quirks I self-inserted into that story. The same goes for Blue where I wrote that very short story based off of the depression I was feeling at the time. 

As for this story, I wanted to hone in on a story about a toxic friendship, a familial strain, and the confidence to stand up for oneself in their identity and truth. With this short story following the formulaic plot structure of Freytag’s Pyramid and with the core conflict of this story centering around dialogue, this made for a more doable visual novel made just in time for the game jam. 

I did touch on the topic of homosexuality in a visual novel just before this one called Love Days. That one was made for another game jam. Ironically, it was for the otome game jam, but it takes a stab at homophobia from a different angle, one where it’s internalized and produces bullying. Yet, the main character stands up to that kind negativity and hate. So, that one is meant to be a feel-good story, in spite of how dramatic it is. 

Otherwise, other mature topics that have run through some of my other visual novels include antagonistic mothers, hints at self-pleasure, and the state of having passive suicidal ideation. 

I believe those themes come up time and time again in my own works due to my own experiences with such struggles. So, that’s how my own life experiences and perspectives bleed into my own stories. Thanks for reading! 

Thanks! I did enjoy creating it. I created it within the last 2 weeks of the game jam. Before that, I was able to make two other visual novels within a two-week period for each one for two other game jams prior. So, I was pumping them out, but I especially felt elated after this one, as this one marked my 25th visual novel! 🤩 So, it’s a great goal to hit. There will be more to come in the future. 😊🤗

Hey, thanks for reading! I appreciate it! Great review as well! 

My art is fairly simple, but the nice thing is that it’s readable and understandable to look at. 

I’ve done other visuals in black-and-white art, too. The cool thing about this VN in particular is that the characters’ clothing changes from scene to scene, which is something I haven’t done much before in my previous works. I’m really proud about that. 

Although the art is original and has been created specifically for this VN, the music isn’t entirely unique to this visual novel either. The music I’ve made in GarageBand, and due to this being a game jam with a limited amount of time by the time I participated in the jam, I decided to reuse and recycle former musical pieces I’ve created for other visual novels I’ve made in the past. They may not mesh well together, but they convey the tone I was trying to go for in each scene.

As for the story as a whole, it’s meant to be bittersweet: bitter in the loss of connection but sweet in the finding of oneself. I tried to make for a sad but uplifting ending.

Furthermore, Vara doesn’t hate Leah. Rather, she hates her bigotry. Ironically, she put up with her friend’s attitude for so long, normalizing that kind of homophobia in their relationship. Yet, the second her parents vocalized their disapproval of her identity, that’s when her whole world and deepest love shattered. 

It reinforces her fear of abandonment. Although she’s used to it, even choosing to be alone to protect herself from the hostility of others, that doesn’t make it any less painful when the ones she cares about pulls away from her when she needs them the most. 

Thus, it’s a story about self-discovery and confronting one’s fears and learning to be true to oneself. 

My only criticism is that the softer side in the relationship between Vara and Leah wasn’t shown, which can make Vara’s decision to become closer to Leah come across out of character or out of the blue. 

Yet, Vara smiled at Leah when she saw her, and Vara never pushed her away. Not when she hugged her or got on her nerves. 

Sure, she may have removed herself from the situation when she became too fed up with her, but she never ended the friendship or told her to leave. 

So, that can suggest her care for Leah, despite all of the toxic flaws in their relationship. After all, this was made for the toxic yuri game jam. With that in mind, I think I accomplished the theme I was trying to present. 

In the end, it’s a story about how different kinds of loves can go wrong and sour in many different ways from the toxic views and attitudes we hold inside of us all that shape how we treat others and even ourselves.

Unironically, this is my favorite VN. 

I understood it better through my second read. 

Keep up the good work!

Yeah, I really enjoyed it and got all three endings! Bones doesn't look like he's in a weird position, so long as the person doesn't hide the textbox. By the time DJ and Charity form an alliance, that's when I really got into it and got a sense of things. You did a really fantastic job on the art, which drew me into the VN to begin with. The music was fitting as well. 

I've been reading through other visual novels for the toxic yuri game jam, as I also submitted a VN to this jam, too. It's called Alone if you're interested in checking it out, and even in that one, I start off with a clear and short exposition that states the theme or overall message of the story, and then I get straight into the rising action afterwards. 

My visual novels tend to be pretty short and revolve around the short story structure. Yet, I could tell all the work you did when plotting and planning out this story of yours, as I find it very impressive for you to do all of that for such a multi-faceted story such as this one, especially for it being a mystery, which can be a harder genre to write compared to other ones. 

The story beats were definitely there, and nothing felt dragged out or rushed. So, you're definitely a better story-teller than I am.

The dialogue also felt natural. At times, the lines were funny. Other times, they were subtle hints to something more. 

I loved it, and the way you weaved your story to add in the toxic yuri dynamic as well was well done, too. 

So, least to say, I'm interested in your other upcoming works to come! 

Overview:

From chills to thrills and kills, this ominous mystery VN has a lot in store for both the reader and the story’s protagonist, DJ, alike.

Haunted by her past, DJ winds up back in her small hometown, only to be left with more questions than answers. Searching for the whereabouts of her mother’s disappearance, she learns that there lurks bigger and darker figures behind the facade of the idyllic neighborhood.

Hunting for answers, reasons, and clues, she inadvertently thrusts herself into the center of trouble and under the suspicion of the paranoid townspeople as more and more attacks and killings continue to rise without an end in sight.

Will DJ uncover the truth behind the gruesome deaths that plague the town? Will DJ uncover the truth behind her mother’s fate? And will DJ uncover the truth about her own true self with the gifts she had all along? 

Through her using investigative prowess and through forming an unlikely friendship, she’ll learn that more meets the eye in the eerie atmosphere of her hometown she never once called home. 

Thoughts:

Guided through a wordy info-dump in the beginning passages, I was dumped with more information than necessary to kick things off. 

A lot of it could have been condensed or left out for later to help ease the reader in and give the reader something to chew on for a surprise reveal, whether that would come up naturally through dialogue or hinted at through the main character’s thoughts. 

Then, through my own ignorance and from the way it was visually set up, I thought the brunette was the character in question who was spotted when the main character finds a young woman outside town. 

However, I was mistaken, and I didn’t see much of the main character prior. So, having that familiarity of the main character ahead of time would have helped cleared up that confusion. 

Even a black silhouette of the other character in question could have helped build up that suspense without fully revealing the character until later. 

Otherwise, the first fight scene left me feeling confused because there was a lot going on with not the best visual cues there. However, through careful reading and after settling into the story thereafter, the action-packed sequences were easier to follow and digest with the world and the characters more familiar by then. 

Furthermore, the only other minor complaint is that certain backgrounds were not visually depicted when the scenes transitioned from one place to another. Instead, the backgrounds are only there for core locations. 

Regardless, the backgrounds popped with color, and it had a hand-crafted feel to them. 

This did not impact my reading or understanding of the various situations involved. Rather, it’s just an observation I noticed while going through the story, which definitely leads with a steady pace not long after the story begins. 

The story skips over the filler, and each story beat gets the protagonist closer in uncovering the mysteries of the town, leaving me on the edge of my seat for more.

Each choice feels heavy and impactful, feeling the weight of each one, as serious sound effects play after each decision. 

As for the character sprites, the only issue I found with them is the dog, Bones, hovering in the air upon his second encounter when hiding the text box with the H key on the keyboard.

Otherwise, the characters are colored and drawn beautifully, and the variations of their outfits and expressions help immerse the reader into their worlds. 

I became invested in their lives and the risks they took to which they put their lives at stake upon. 

The story may not give the reader all the answers he or she is looking for, but it ends with a message of new beginnings and final endings wrapped into decisions of trust for the young main character to make who has to live with the consequences of her actions either way. 

All in all, that is a story worth reading. I give it a 9.5/10. 

I watched the video. Great breakdown of everything. You can also learn more about Leif through making different choices in the game. 

Thanks! Will do! Greatly appreciate you checking out my game! 

I meant Azuki, not Yuki. I haven’t read Sweet Science in a long time. I edited it to the correct name in my previous post.

For me, when I got to the end of Sweet Science, I remember wanting to cry tears of joy because I finally made it to the end. I was forcing myself to get through that VN.

The Dungeon and Dragons inspired segment in Sweet Science was fine, but I disliked how I had to sit through that scene either way, despite being given a choice to not want to play a game with the girls. That scene could technically be considered filler.

Yet, I actually liked the cozy vibes in this new VN. I still forced myself to read through it at times. I read through all routes in one sitting, and that took me 3 hours. 

That theme song was so catchy and good! That song was stuck in my head later on after I finished playing it but in a good way. 

The art was beautiful for both A.I. and hand-drawn backgrounds and sprites. The CGs were great too!

The only weird CG was the pink-haired girl running through the hall. Her face didn’t look quite right to me. 

And the CG where the protagonist and blonde-haired girl hold hands outside in the park didn’t look like a park to me. It looked like they were standing at the end of a mountain cliff overlooking the town, even though they were in an outdoors park within the town in the story. 

The VN was humorous to me and made me laugh, and I felt for the characters in the more emotional moments too. 

I noticed how everyone had the same floral and red stationary when the protagonist was given letters by them. It would have been interesting to see different kinds of letters and handwritings by them depending on the girl.  

And, somehow, the teacher is the hottest character in the game. I remember playing on another VN called Nelsim on itch where the protagonist goes to college and befriends different college-aged girls, but the mom ended up being the hottest character in the game. My friend could second that too! 😂

Not that it’s a requirement, but if you ever have future visual novels that take place in a school setting, the teacher could act like a mentor to the pupil to give the protagonist and the teacher some sort of relationship that is still appropriate yet endearing.

Just a thought. 😅

Nice! 

I saw some typos here and there in this VN, but I didn’t mind. I preferred the length of this VN over Sweet Science. 

Although, I was disappointed seeing Kurumi’s character be more of a direct ice queen rather than a shy and apathetic character. Being a shy girl growing up, I was thinking Kurumi’s personality would have been similar to mine, considering her introduction and appearance. She came across reserved more than she was shy. Her route, albeit rewarding, felt the most unnatural to me in terms of character growth and relationship development. I wished there was more subtlety for her character. Not everything has to be spelled out, but I understand this is a VN meant for all ages too. 

My only other nitpick is that at the end of the pink-haired girl’s route, everyone has a grown-up appearance except for the protagonist who still has the teenager portrait, even in the future. I can understand not wanting to use A.I. to reproduce an adult male, as the results were uncanny at the end of Azuki’s route in Sweet Science when the player sees the father of the protagonist. That honestly looked so bad and out of place. Regardless, you could always have no character portrait for the grown-up protagonist in this VN to give the illusion he grew up without explicitly showing it if creating more art is not feasible. 

All in all, I think the reason your visual novels, as well as other ones I’ve read, can feel slow is because the writer goes on about the character’s thoughts, the writer can info-dump the reader with boring or irrelevant details, or the writer describes the setting too much. 

If that isn’t an issue, then the other issue I find is a lack of conflict, ambiguity in what the conflict is, not enough stakes, no questions to keep readers engaged, or a predictable or boring plot line. 

Yet, if there is stuff going on, knowing the why behind why the protagonist is doing what they’re doing and knowing why it’s important to them can help elevate a story into something more meaningful and interesting, even without the use of action-packed scenes. 

And are my visual novels any better? Nope. It depends which one you read, but a lot of my visual novels focus on dialogue where you read the flow of a conversation. Yet, a lot of my visual novels were made for game jams and are therefore extremely short. In a sense, they may not be considered stories at all.

However, the ones I took my time with, I used a short story plot structure to help guide the story in a logical way that helped build tension gradually over time to maintain good pacing story-wise. 

So, don’t be afraid to cut out the fluff or use a plot outline to help sharpen your storytelling skills! Have a good day! 

Thanks! I actually did enjoy the game. Sometimes I felt the stories were boring either due to slow pacing issues or not enough stakes in the story. 

Yet, I actually preferred this visual novel over Sweet Science. During the ending theme of the blonde-haired girl’s route, the singer mentions Slyvia’s name and other characters’ names too, except they’re not in this visual novel. So, that could be confusing for other players. 

Other times, I felt the progression of the relationships from acquaintances, to friends, and later to lovers felt a bit contrived and superficial. It happened very quickly, and it didn’t help that the main character was a self-insert protagonist.

One thing I noticed is that in Sweet Science, there’s a blurb about the characters presenting their projects to the class. Yet, in this VN, there was no follow-up about the math project in ice queen’s route. That was disappointing.

Otherwise, I was surprised to learn the writing and story ideation came from A.I., even with human edits. I thought the best story was the last girl’s route. It had quick pacing, mystery, and rising conflict with a funny but logical ending.

I think that story route highlights the capabilities of storytelling and originality without the use of A.I. I would be interested in seeing and reading a VN from you without A.I. or human assistance either. Just you and your best attempts at art, music, and writing. 

I do that with my visual novels, even if they are mediocre at best. Yet, I can say they’re mine wholly. My only use of A.I. was using the title ChaptGPT gave me for my first visual novel. Otherwise, I haven’t used it since for my VN creations.

In the end, I did enjoy reading through this VN much more than Sweet Science. It had chapters, theme songs, a relatable setting, and wholesome stories too! I loved the romance, and the pink-haired girl’s route made me laugh. 

All in all, I give it a 7/10. Keep up the good work! 🤩

I played through the entire game and took the survey. I found some issues. Firstly, after Kurumi's song stops playing at the end of her route, I got an error message. Also, the subtitles for the song didn't line up at all with the audio of the singer. The rest did. Secondly, at the end of Yanko's route, I got a line that read, "ERROR: Music file Yandere - Eternal Flame not found." This is when she reads the book a final time in the epilogue. Furthermore, her theme song didn't play at the end when the CGs showed up on display.

I read through the whole game. I even had my friend read through it too, and he and I shared similar opinions. Then, I told my sister I found the furry version of the Netflix movie Don’t Look Up, and she responds with, “Do you mean Chicken Little?” 😆

I later explained what I meant, and my family and friends didn’t care that I read a furry VN. So, there seems to be less of a stigma around this topic that was once regarded as taboo and is now more of a niche.

All in all, we’ve really come far as a society in terms of openness, acceptance, and freedom. Therefore, when this VN brought up societal issues and made references to pop culture from the real world, that took me out of the story. 

I personally felt at times that the story relied too heavily on pop culture. I even noticed that there were lyrics and a remix of an actual song, which could be considered gray and troublesome in terms of legality. 

Otherwise, I liked how you gave importance to the characters being anthropomorphic creatures in particular. It wasn’t just a gag. It meant something to the characters, their worlds, and their roots. 

Narratively, I was confused at who was who in the beginning. This could have been fixed if each character was zoomed in when talking to only show them or if everybody else had a black silhouette to only show each character at a time in the beginning to give that clarity to the player. 

The plot meandered, seemingly without purpose. The story eventually found its footing and stride at the candle shop and afterwards.

Yet, the beginning felt like unfocused filler that didn’t give me a clear message of what the theme or point of the story was. It didn’t help that the story brought all the cast of characters into the limelight without any clear distinction of who was speaking. 

I felt like I was thrown into their relationship dynamic and their situation without being eased into it, not even getting a sense of who they were as characters until later. 

Otherwise, I can see how the various characters represented apathy, lust, anger, and anxiety. That was well done. 

I thought the fight scene could have used shorter and punchier sentences while the sex scene could have used more descriptive and straightforward language. 

The fight scene dragged on, and the use of one CG made the fight scene more difficult to comprehend visually. If rough sketches of the fight were used, or if one CG of the characters battling it out was shown, then that would have gone a long way in following the fight at hand. 

As for the sex  scene, there could have been that tension, conflict, and vulnerability there between the characters opening up to one another but possibly resisting each other to give the scene more layers and nuance. 

Artistically, the art had a lack of cohesion at times, ranging from detailed artwork to rough sketches, which threw me off. Due to the lack of character sprites or characters in a CG, I didn’t get an overall sense of the tone or positions of the characters during the moments that only had a background.

Musically, I was confused at the sudden stop of music, or sometimes there was no music in tense scenes, which confused me. I also thought the technique of cutting out the music during a tense scene was overused a bit much and didn’t give me that sense of dread, whereas the heart beat sound effects did. 

Furthermore, I thought there was a conflicting and abrupt tonal shift in the beginning when Edgar came into picture. I think if there was more of a buildup there, it would have been less jarring for me, or if the music was off and led into silence, that could have been effective in not only setting the mood but foreshadowing it too. 

As for the endings, I felt two of them came too abruptly, but I suppose that was the point. It would have been nicer to have a final sentence for each ending that encapsulated the mood or situation in its final moment instead of being whiplashed into an abrupt and unsatisfactory ending. 

For characters who watched a lot of movies, I’m surprised they didn’t discuss end of the world movies as much. However, I noticed the callback of playing a video game at one of the endings, making the exposition feel important, after all. Yet, a lot of the beginning could have been cut out or shortened to get the plot moving.

I also felt the transition between the characters being in the lounge to the open mall came about suddenly. I thought they were at their crib at first and went to the mall. I suppose that was meant to be a plot twist. 

For the end of the world, it seemed like all of the characters really focused on societal issues. They cared so much about the issues of the world that they forgot their own worlds they lived in and the people around them too. 

I got a sense of everyone except for Nomi, yet I think that was the point. She was guarded, used humor as a wall, and ultimately wanted to retreat from everyone. Yet, because there was that lack of connection between her issues with society and how that related to her, her climatic moment came out of left field for me. Albeit, I could understand her struggle and how that would make her closed off. Yet, her story arc seemed more distant compared to the others. 

Furthermore, all of the characters deemed the main character important or needed, as if they had a more special connection to him, when he was a blank slate of a nobody. Yet, even the main character was aware of his self-insert status too. 

All in all, I pushed through the beginning that was all over the place and found stories in the rough by the end. Could the same stories be told without vocalizing their complaints about society, without making pop culture references, and without the world ending? I think so. Yet, you were going for a particular story, and it made me feel things in the end. 

It just wouldn’t be the kind of visual novel I would create, and that’s okay. I do have visual novels on this profile here if you do want to check them out. Ultimately, I’m not the target demographic for this particular story, but I appreciate the talent and work put into this project. Good job!

Hey, thanks for the compliments and replies! It warms my heart with gratitude! 😍

As of the moment, half of my visual novels are bite-sized reading experiences that can be read in less than 5 minutes.

This is because they were either made for game jams, I wanted to show off my art, or I couldn’t think of anything to expand upon the story and left them as is. 

Also, that was me starting out making them and trying to keep them short and to the point because I overworked myself with the first one I published to itch. 

The other main reason I would create mini VNs was because I would be taking 2 months or more making my longer visual novels that I wanted to publish something short in the meantime to give something out to the players and to my followers and for myself.

Now, after making visual novels for almost a year, I am at a point where I’m relying on my stories rather than game jams to push myself through to the finish line in the creation of them. 

And that’s how I was able to start and finish my longer visual novels because I had that foundation of the story being written out that I could then create art and music with that vision in mind without fear of it failing or changing. 

Of course, I learned the importance of scope through my projects, and my last one was definitely my most ambitious project yet. 

Therefore, it’s important to think about how much is in your story and narrow down the characters, places, and plot points to make the visual novel more easier to manage and achieve. 

That’s why I focus on short stories in particular because I can follow a plot diagram. Yet, most of my stories, if not all of them, are character-driven stories, too. So, I think about the why behind why characters are in this story, why they are doing what they are doing, and what is the main conflict in their lives that makes their story uniquely their own. 

That’s how you can extract and give meaning to a story by making the plot of the story meaningful to both you and the characters of that world. Plot is simply a character trying to achieve a goal or desire of some kind, and something is in their way. The story ends when it reaches that conclusion. 

Those are my words of wisdom anyway.

Regardless, I was thinking of making a YouTube video about my journey and the lessons I’ve learned from this side hobby of mine that is also a passion of mine too. 

Even though I created more visual novels than you, you’re also ahead of the game too in terms of art, dedication, and programming knowledge.

I tried learning Godot, and I gave up early on. I’m still learning art, and I’ve yet to pick up my violin and learn music again. So, I have a long ways to go, but it’s about the journey, not the destination.

I figured you weren’t a native English speaker. That’s why I wasn’t harsh about the grammatical issues. 

Also, I read a bunch of indie visual novels in my free time. What I see in other ones is the author being overly-descriptive about the setting or characters instead of focusing on the plot or character development. 

That actually halts the story and makes the reading experience feel more slow and boring because it can feel like nothing is happening. 

In your case, you didn’t do that. You actually had really beautiful descriptions, and your explanations of the setting and how it changed over time aided in the shift of tone and atmosphere, which I loved. 

You described things but moved on. However, in contrast, your characters spoke a lot. I understand for story sake. In this case, less can be more in terms of dialogue. 

However, I saw that out carefully planned out your story and cared about it, and when the writer cares, the reader cares too. Art can draw a new reader into the game (or turn them off from it), but it’s the story that makes them stay. 

And I stayed and felt invested in the story. There was never a dull or boring moment. So, you should be very proud of yourself, and I am too. 

I have  created and published visual novels on here too through this account if you want to check them out, and my most recent visual novel is my longest one, and that is only 40 minutes long. That took me 3 months to start and finish with bouts of procrastination in-between. 😅

So, I understand the amount of work that goes into visual novel creation. Ultimately, you had an idea, brought that idea to life, and the game jam helped push you to the finish line. Most people don’t even make it through to completion.

So, all in all, you really did do a good job, and I’m excited to see more from you. 🤩

Finally, you did have a complete story, in spite of the unforeseen twist ending. It’s normal for indie devs to upload demos of their visual novels and games and to work on it over time, releasing a new chapter or build every so often. So, it’s whatever works for you and finding that motivation and drive to not only create but follow through on that creativity to completion, which you did. 

I’m just glad you took my review well, as negative as it was. I was worried how you would react to my review. I hated leaving a lot of negative feedback about it, considering how much care and thought I could tell you put into it.

So, the fact that you took my review in stride and with positivity shows that you’re able to take constructive criticism and make better games because of it later down the road, and that goes a long way.

Just focus on optimizing this visual novel to fix the lags, freezes, and crashes. 

Otherwise, keep up the good work! 🥳

After playing through the game and getting endings 1 through 3, these are my thoughts on the experience.

Pros:

Backgrounds were beautiful and music fit the atmosphere and mood of story well.

All of the big story beats connected together to weave a cohesive story that all came together in an understandable way. 

The mini-games were a touch nice, and the I liked the addition of the CGs. It gave me more immersion throughout my reading experience. 

Cons:

The bodies of the character sprites were drawn well, but their faces and hands looked odd in comparison. 

The plot twist in ending 1, I felt, came out of nowhere and left me feeling dissatisfied. I did like the other endings, though.

The car mini-game would freeze up, making me unable to move the car, and the timer for the foods and beverages in the second mini-game felt too long to where I couldn't serve many customers, only serving half of what I was supposed to. 

It would have been more helpful to know what the customer wanted from the get-go instead of wasting time to figure out what they wanted, only to not have enough time to serve everyone, as the customers left just as quickly as they came. Either that, or interacting with the customer and getting rid of the timer would have helped make the gameplay experience more fun, in my opinion. 

Minor Problems:

There were some grammar mistakes that could be tightened up, and sometimes a character would say something, but it seemed like somebody else was supposed to say it, unless it was a misunderstanding on my end.

Since there were no highlights or color changes to the buttons I could click on, I thought that they sometimes didn't work, especially for the "Start" button at first. However, the sound effects definitely helped when things were running smoothly. 

I chose to walk away from the cat, and I mentioned how I saw that cat to Haruka later in the school day. Yet, she talked about how I gave the cat a bowtie when I didn't. Other choices matched up with their dialogue.

My biggest issue was that when I would reach an ending, I would have to manually close out of the window and start up the game again to go and play through the different endings.

I was clicking on everything and pressing different keys on the keyboard, thinking I had to click or press on something to get back to the main menu, but that didn't happen. The lack of clarity there was frustrating because I didn't know what to do at first, and I was scared of losing my progress if I completely closed out of the game. Luckily, I didn't lose my progress. It was just a confusing and minor inconvenience.

Final Thoughts:

The plot beats were well thought-out, and the story followed through on its foreshadowing with a twist ending! Although the dialogue felt stilted and over-explanatory at times, the dialogue gave me enough information to understand the story as well as bringing humor and life to the characters too.

The vulnerable moments between characters sometimes felt forced or contrived in the sense that each story beat felt rushed and shoved in a scene, only to move on to the next major story beat without any build-up to the vulnerable moment or any follow-ups after such an emotional conversation. 

Sometimes I felt like the choices didn't matter and were there just to be there. 

Regardless of all of these criticisms, I was genuinely invested in the story and wanted more when I reached the true ending. It touched on heavy subjects well, and I liked the lighthearted tone of the game and the theme of the importance of friendship and standing up for others.

It was a sweet and wholesome story that handled serious subject matters well. The story hid darker moments just as well too that made them more impactful by contrast when they were finally shown to the light. 

All in all, I give this visual novel a 6.5/10. Good job!

Thanks! It worked after uninstalling and reinstalling it! It was laggy and crashed at first. Yet, the second time, things were running smoothly!

Hello, thank you for the shoutout! I was able to download the game from itch on my Windows laptop. However, I'm getting a new error message, similar to tasty_watermelon's error message, making me unable to boot up the game.

Hey, I would love to read through your visual novel, but it says, "No compatible downloads were found" in red on the install page. I think you have to check the boxes for Windows and Mac in the 'Edit Game' section for it to be playable on whatever software you choose. Otherwise, the story looks humorous yet intriguing from the trailer alone.

Use the shift key on your keyboard to skip text or run in the game. Worked for me, in spite of my lag on my Mac.

If it's the running from the beast chase sequence, I was able to hold down the shift key on my keyboard to successfully run away from it on my Mac, even in spite of the lag. Hope I helped!

I held down the shift button on the keyboard to run. That helped me escape from the monster when I couldn't before due to lag. I'm using Mac to play this game.

Thanks! I'm happy to hear you enjoy my games. I do try to make them wholesome and positive too. I try to spread kindness and positivity through my visual novels. Such themes also work with my simple and child-like art style too. Nonetheless, I've been working on a new visual novel. It'll have more on-screen characters and multiple settings. It'll be a slightly bigger visual novel compared to my other visual novels on here while still following a short story plot structure and story length. So, I'm excited to post that once it's finished. Otherwise, I have other short and sweet visual novels on here if you're interested in more content. Thanks again! Hopefully, I'll see you next time.