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I got through the whole entire demo of Snowdrift. There were some things I liked about it, and there were other things I can see room for improvement in.

First off, I liked the simplicity of the storytelling and how it was easy to follow along with in terms of plot and character. On the flip side, I felt like there was more telling than showing who the main character was in the beginning, which didn’t make for the best read, let alone did it help me connect with the protagonist any more. 

Secondly, the dialogue between the characters seemed stiff and awkward at times, especially with the various ellipses and the many explanations given through the dialogue instead of natural conversation between two new characters just acquainted with one another. Other times, the dialogue seemed a bit too formal or repetitive in more minor instances. 

Otherwise, I liked the animations, the colorful art for the different scenes, rooms, and characters, and the relationship between the protagonist and Rosim, who appears to be a possible love interest. 

Although, I noticed how Rosim’s background remained the same, no matter the room she was in. The color of the background could change, depending on what room she’s in for any given scene to denote she’s in a different place at least. 

Thirdly, I felt like there was an overall lack of tension throughout the story where there could have been moments of conflict. Instead, those potential moments were quickly swept over by way of easy and quick solutions that completely sidestepped over events that could have challenged the main character and thus made for a far more interesting and compelling read. 

Some examples include the main character digging the robot out of the pile of snow, the main character cooking soup for Rosim, and the main character looking for a particular item for Rosim later on in the story. 

Those scenes could have held more weight, tension, and conflict if they were treated with more importance. Instead, every scene moved from one scene to the next, making it feel like I was moving through different events of someone’s day rather than seeing a buildup of events that led to a climax or change. 

Ultimately, it felt like I was reading a story with very little stakes and conflicts when there were moments of tension. Yet, I couldn’t wholly invest myself in those moments with those circumstances being so underwhelming in execution. 

Not only that, but more conflict could have been extracted from the story with the protagonist figuring out what to wear each day, since he didn’t expect to stay at Rosim’s place for a week. 

However, I did like the moments of internal conflict from the protagonist’s nightmare to his fears around the crystal. I thought those moments were really well-done and well-written, and I wished there were more scenes like that. 

Finally, I wasn’t a fan of the game menu screen. The main menu looks fine, but the game menu could go a long way in readability and being more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. The history name text and the history text could be centered in the history log, too, which you can easily change under the history section in screens by changing their textalign to 0.5. 

Finally, the snow could look more like snow than a blank, white screen on the side of the screen. 

Overall, I give this a 6 out of 10. Good job! 😃😁

Thanks! This was a story that was a lot of fun to create! Despite there being a bit of a setup at the end there, I don't plan on delivering and showing those promises or making a sequel. The ending lines there were meant to serve as more of a hopeful ending where Nychan is motivated by the events to continue on with a strong face and inner resolve. Maybe I left it on a bit of a cliffhanger there, but it was just her having the last word, was all.

I can see and understand that. Although his reviews are indicative of his personality and quirks and reflective of who he is as a person and what he values, that also doesn't take away from the fact that I was reading many long info dumps of multiple reviews rather than reading the highs and lows of a compelling story with various conflicts. That's why those segments felt slow and boring to me. If his reviews somehow weaved back into the plot or caused an unexpected struggle, then I would have been more understanding of those segments. Yet, other than that last one that actually correlated to the main character's struggles, which was one that I actually liked reading about because of that connection, most of what the protagonist went on about could be considered long-winded info dumps on niche subjects that weren't wholly relevant to the plot. If anything, reading those segments bogged down the plot and made me feel like I wasn't reading a story anymore. Although those essays may give the reader insight into who the protagonist is and a window into his day-to-day life, that also does not make for a compelling narrative. That is my issue there. At the very least, they could have been condensed, where a montage of his random writings could have been shown on screen to show how invested he is in writing for these niche blog posts without boring the reader or halting the progress of the core of the story. Thus, maybe it's not so much about the information being there at all in the first place as it is the presentation of such information and therefore the pacing of the story that is the issue. As the saying goes, "Less is more."

Thanks! It was a work full of heart, soul, dedication, and passion! 🥰

I successfully played three rounds of this. I appreciated the simplicity of the gameplay. However, pressing the up and down keys made the screen go up and down, which I did not appreciate. Otherwise, the game stressed me out from having to dodge the enemies. Yet, I liked how they only pegged me down a column and not end my turn. Good job! I give this a 3/5.

Yeah, I realize the ending may have set up something at the end there, but I stopped it there anyway in the end. I may up end up updating the game to change the first line, since it was a clear ripoff of Kesha’s song, and to possibly change up a word from “individuals” to “beings”. Regardless, I actually put effort into this VN, despite it being for a low-effort game jam. It’s also ranked. I hope I get in 1st place, if not 2nd or 3rd. Otherwise, I actually created the font myself, which you can find in my many other visual novels, which are also fairly short. As to whether there will be a sequel or not, I don’t plan on making a sequel. So, I suppose the ending sits in a weird place of being a bit of a cliffhanger there. Thanks for the feedback! Much appreciated! 

Another thing I didn’t mention in my last comment, but I kept expecting there to be a choice whether to give into the woman or not. I knew she was a siren or evil spirit or witch of sorts. Honestly, I think the story could have gone in the other direction, too, where the main character realizes the importance of life, that sex isn’t the end-all-be-all, that there is more to companionship than romantic and sexual fulfillment, and for him to ultimately overcome his fears of the outside world to find a deeper meaning and appreciation to life. I think that ending would have made more sense, considering those were his views deep down all along, not to mention the epiphanies he had, and it was seeming to go in that direction. Furthermore, although it makes sense for him to give into his desires during a dream, it was also a dream, even if it was a lucid dream where he had some level of awareness. That somehow made the bad ending worse, in my opinion, because how much was he in control of making that decision? He also could have woken up and fallen into depravity, thus reinforcing his descent into both a spiritual and physical death, or he could have woken up and changed direction in life, having found that giving into the flesh does not bring life or happiness. Also, succubi and incubuses exist, but that doesn’t mean that they can literally take away someone’s soul if they give into their temptations. Regardless of my thoughts, I can understand that may have not been the story you wanted to tell in the end. Hence, my lower score here compared to your other VN because the ending was a bit unsatisfying to me—not because it was a bad ending—but how it came about. 

I thought it was good. It was just a bit long-winded, was all. Although, I was expecting a sadder ending, one of longing, considering the title of the story was called Limerence. I was expecting a more bittersweet story, not a hopeful one. That somehow makes it feel as if they didn't have limerence, since they technically mutually reciprocated each other's company and feelings, even if they both didn't entirely realize that. However, having looked up the definition of limerence, I can see the meaning behind it in the context of this story. Again, it was well-written. The pacing was just slow and meandering at times from its purple prose to its descriptive narration.

Yo! So, I finally managed to finish this kinetic visual novel after some breaks in-between and two hours of gameplay in total. I will admit, the reviews on various technologies, animes, and visual novels felt like filler and unnecessary information to me that only padded the runtime of the story, not enhance it in any meaningful way. The only exception is the last review where it connected back to the main character and his struggles. The ending was well-done. Although, it did anger me, considering he was right there in figuring out the meaning and importance of continuing to live on in a physical state, even with the recesses of his mind prodding him away from the idea of giving up his fleshly confines. Ironically enough, by giving into his fleshly and human temptations, he gave up his freedom and life in doing so. It's a bittersweet tale at that. Otherwise, there were two glaring typos in the VN.

It states towards the end, "Shooting our like a violent fountain..." I think it was meant to be "out" and not "our".

Another one was in this sentence, I believe, "Looking down at her face with a combination or rage, contempt, and behind it all, hope." I think you meant, "with a combination of rage, contempt, and hope" not "or."

Otherwise, I didn't enjoy the way in which the sentences were broken up. I had to press the spacebar a few times to see the sentences in full, where it would cause me to reread the sentences sometimes once I finally reached the ending punctuation marks. Other times, I found sentences being dependent clauses and not independent clauses, which annoyed me at times and caused a bit of initial confusion here and there. Although, I understand its the style you were going for, and I could generally read through this visual novel with ease.

I also think there should have been some words connected with a hyphen to make certain adjectives grammatically correct, but I paid no mind to them. Surprisingly, despite the protagonist being pretentious himself, I didn't find the writing pretentious this time around, unlike in your other work, Limerence. Although, I liked how in Limerence how you moved the backgrounds around in steady movement to denote change and break up otherwise monotonous scenes. Albeit, I didn't mind the still images on the screen in this case. Yet, when there wasn't a character sprite depicted when he had the vermilion-colored dream, that was a missed opportunity there to showcase more art. 

Furthermore, I liked how the protagonist's room changed in hue depending on the time of day. When his room was neat and tidy, without crumbs, ashtrays, or food in the setting yellow of the sun, I thought that showed character growth on his end. Yet, when the day darkened, you went back with his original setup with his dirty room instead of making the scene consistent with a dark but orderly room. So, there was a visual discrepancy there.

Otherwise, I not only liked the art and its visuals, but I also appreciated the music and the short audio segments of voice clips as well. However, when the main female character showed up to the protagonist, it caught me off guard when she wasn't assigned a voice. However, I quickly became accustomed to the lack of a voice behind the character.

I even thought both characters were well-written and fleshed-out and felt for them at times. However, I felt as though the incessant commentary broke away from the story and the plot, and the real-world American references and Japanese ones that I was aware of on some level also broke a certain level of immersion for me.

Is this supposed to be fiction or nonfiction? Furthermore, the use of using and mentioning various IP from many real-world sources could spell legal problems if not careful, as fan games have been taken down before for infringing on a corporation's copyright. So, something to keep in mind there.

I understand that this is a love letter to visual novels, but that also doesn't make for the most compelling or gripping narrative. The dream sequences were by far the best and the most original parts of this whole experience. I wish the story would have been more like that where we, the readers, follow the main character and his life. Instead, we got a bunch of unnecessary commentary on unrelated subject matters to the overall story, or we were spoonfed information on backstory.

Although, I understand that we were following his day-to-day life and thought processes with his blogs, but they could have been cut short as small tidbits of information so that the reader could go back to the main story, which could have delved deeper into the main character's external struggles with living in a house, which we got glimpses of, or his internal struggle with loneliness or emptiness. Heck, we could have gotten a flashback of his time at school from his perspective when it actually happened, where that could have been a whole arc of him feeling empty and then crying at school. Instead, we were simply told the information, which made the emotional weight of the scene have less impact, although impact, nonetheless.

Similar to how you gave the readers questions about who the mysterious woman was in this visual novel through the use of dreams and interesting banter between the two characters, I think that method of mystery and immersion could have also been employed regarding the protagonist's past through the use of random flashbacks that would give the reader one piece of the puzzle, and the more they read it, they got other pieces to the puzzle. Likewise, you could have posed questions there for the reader, like how the protagonist's parents died or what happened to his circle of friends. 

Furthermore, flashbacks like that could even juxtapose how he felt then to now, giving more emotional weight and depth to the story. So, all of this isn't to say to change the story but how to tell the story in a more meaningful and compelling manner. 

Regardless, this was a very well-written piece of work that delved into philosophical subject matter and what it means to be human and alive.

All in all, I rate this visual novel a 6.5/10. Good job!

I read through all of this. I'll admit, I got bored towards the end of my reading, even zoning out at times. At times, it read a bit pretentiously. Yet, I learned new words, and I could see the care in each sentence. It was written very beautifully at that. Albeit, because the story was so focused on details, descriptions, and explanations, it did bog down the story to a very slow pace. Regardless, I liked how I finally got to know all of the characters' names towards the end. That was a neat reveal there. However, it would have been interesting for everyone's names to be omitted, since the story plays on the idea of what is real and illusory. That is why when the reader learns of a certain character's death, it broke the dreamy trance of the world that had already been built up by then. It went from abstract ponderings to real-world realities, which I felt broke the tone, mood, and atmosphere of the story. However, the story does go back to its otherworldly questions, environments, and sentiments. Thus, the climax doesn't ultimately shift the story's tone into another direction, which I was relieved to have found out. Ultimately, with its charming and painterly visuals, emotional and poignant piano pieces, and moody and introspective dialogue, I give this NVL-style visual novel a 7/10.

Just wanted to make an update here, as I realized I had completely forgotten about Tyler when reading through the visual novel originally. I think there were so many characters thrown in, and with Tyler not getting much screen time, I had just simply forgotten about him in the process of keeping track of everybody. Not to mention, those scenes were boring to me then, as it felt like filler dialogue to introduce the cast of characters, and so my mind may have spaced out at the time. Regardless, I think this was a cute project, and I loved how your friends liked the nod to them based off of your videos of them going through it. At the end of the day, that's all that matters. Keep up the good work!  

I got the first ending. I noticed there were numerous typos where the apostrophe was forgotten when spelling somebody's name in the possessive.

Otherwise, I had to put down this visual novel at first because it bored me a lot in the beginning. I could see the conflict and the potential, but the beginning threw a lot at me at once.

For starters, it started with dialogue, the dialogue was heavy-handed and left nothing to the imagination, there were no questions or mysteries for the reader to have, there were five different characters to keep track of, and three out of the five girls were blondes. Not only that, but they all dressed in similar outfits. So, it took a bit of time to get everyone in order in my mind, but they all had their own distinctive personalities, too, which helped.

I think if the story eased into the world and the main heroine more, it would have made for a better introduction, as I didn't get much of a sense of the main protagonist of the story from the get-go. Furthermore, I had no reason to care for the main character, her want for the revenge, or the other characters involved.

I thought the other characters were far more interesting and seemed more fleshed-out compared to Diana, who I felt like was a bit too much of a blank slate of a character. Additionally, I didn't care about Denise, who I know nothing about, which I understand that's the point. However, it's hard for me to care about the past if I don't care about the present. 

Regardless, the story grew onto me over time, and the voice acting was great. Sometimes, the voices were too quiet at times. I don't know if that was intentional or not.

Otherwise, I liked the art. The backgrounds were fine enough for me. I felt like thee text box got in the way of seeing the character sprites, but that's just me. I give it a solid 7-7.5 out of 10 so far. I would have to read the rest to see where the story takes me.

My only other issue is that the gallery shows a big CG without a button to go out of that mode or a button to see locked or unlocked CGs. If the gallery section had a display of the different CGs on screen in rows and columns, that would make it a more manageable experience to navigate that page. Just a suggestion there, though. I also think having a load and gallery button would go a long way in the main menu as well instead of having to start the game every time to access those features. Again, just a suggestion there.

Good job!

I sucked at this game, but I liked it and had fun. The noises becoming loud sounded grating against my ears, but I understood that was the point of the game, having watched the video. I appreciated the arrow key support, as using WASD while holding down the shift key to sprint was awkward. It worked fine on the web. Keep up the good work! :) 

(Read with caution. Spoilers below!)

Thoughts for Improvements 

I'm writing this comment as I go along and find new things so that you can consider implementing such changes in if you so choose to do so. Reminder that these are just suggestions here that you are free to accept or reject. 

First off, the trailer for the demo can give more time between the gameplay to have the viewer read what the characters are saying, or you can try to have the demo be full of backgrounds and character sprites in-between the big text so that you can build up suspense with enough mystery and intrigue without giving away what the characters are saying.

As for the beginning of the game, there could be sound effects when the radio makes static noise, and when the player receives the map, the side message is in Spanish, as well as the bottom text when I open up the map from the game menu.

Furthermore, I like the sound effects and the ambience in the background, too. I feel like there should be more prominent rain noises, but that's just me. This is because I hear the breeze of the air and the croaking of the frogs but not the fall of the rain.

Otherwise, I love the art, the black and shadowy edges around the screen, and the layout and unique look of the main and game menu. Love how the eye follows the mouse, even if it can look slow when moving the cursor slowly.

Further in the visual novel, I wish the bird in the woods was seen found on the ground for better visual understanding of what I was looking at originally, similar to how there's a full CG when meeting the dark-haired woman in the woods. It would have been interesting to see the inside of the bird or a stick poking at the carcass, but that's not necessary either, nor did it break my sense of immersion. If there was a full CG of the bird lying on the ground, then you could have visually shown the black goo pouring out of it or the main character's foot getting caught up in its sticky residue. Again, that's not necessary. I'm just thinking of how the scene could have been done better. 

As for later in the visual novel during the next day, the line "We're going to get drowning with problems" from Miller at the hospital could be better phrased as, "We're going to be drowning with problems."

At the hospital as well, you forgot to add in a period at the end of this second sentence from Will: "At least the sky is clearing up. If I leave now, I'll beat the rain."

Otherwise, I played through this demo once. It almost took me an hour to get through, which is not a bad thing at all. If you manage to make this a two-hour experience, if not longer, then you can charge money for this visual novel on Steam without having to worry about people abusing the refund policy by completing this VN in less time.

Ultimately, I got the ending where Will and Lyra are in the car. I love how the image with Lyra in the car enlarges on the screen as she becomes more stressed in the scene. Yet, they are obviously on the side of a mountain, it seems, since there are guard rails that prevent cars from falling off. Thus, the road seems pretty narrow, and I wonder where they crashed into that produced such a noise if only trees and grass are beside them on the other side of the road. It doesn't sound like they crashed into nature. That could be me nitpicking there. Plus, there was no mud or puddles or dirt on the road in the background image to convey that there would have been a smear of mud on the road to have caused the crash, unless my memory mistakes me.

It also could have been better visually conveyed when Lyra tries to get out of the car or when Will tries to grab onto her. Even using an hpunch or vpunch could help punch up those moments better to intensify and exaggerate them. Again, these are merely suggestions you can consider or ignore here.

Finally, I also noticed that it takes a while for the game menu to pop up, and it takes an extra second for those dark and shadowy edges to pop up around the screen. You may be better off hiding that effect or turning that effect off and adding in those shadowy edges into the PNG image of the game menu itself, if I'm understanding things correctly.

Overall Thoughts on the Visual Novel Itself

All in all, I'm impressed with the amount of work and care put into this visual novel, especially by a solo developer. Although I wasn't gripped or intrigued by the story until the end, I still liked it and thought each scene carried their own weight and never overstayed their welcome. I could tell you enjoyed drawing Lyra, and the different CGs pay off. 

Although the VN is on the quieter side, I didn't mind that all and thought it fit the dark and suspenseful atmosphere and mood of the story. Again, I can't say this enough, but I'm seriously blown away by the art and thought you did a phenomenal job at bringing the characters and backgrounds to life with their own distinctive looks that match their ages, professions, and worn-down appearances. 

The point-and-click mechanic was a nice touch, and I loved the care you put into dressing the characters in various outfits. Although, I myself never wholly connected to the protagonist or his struggles, I thought everyone was written consistently and well. 

For whatever reason, the mysterious town vibes was reminding me of the DS game Professor Layton and the Curious Village. The ending reminded me of the ending of the horror film called Population 436. The bleeding eyes is something I found to be a bit cliché. A girl with bleeding eyes is also featured in another visual novel called When Winter Comes Again, but that was a totally different context in a completely different genre. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it can come across contrived.

Ultimately, I rate this visual novel a solid 8.5/10. Great job!

I found this game through your devlog on YouTube, which was hilarious to watch. Having played one route of this game, I liked the backgrounds, the simplicity of going after a certain crush, and the slice-of-life feel of the story. There was humor, and the pun at the end there was masterclass! I also loved the hot pink animated title screen.

The anime character sprites were at odds with the backgrounds, but that was no biggie for me. Although, the one character sprite was so big, he seemed bigger than the other character sprites and appeared a bit blurry. It was the guy with the blonde hair and blue outfit.

Otherwise, the story did grow on me with time, and I was surprised to see how you weaved in certain subplots with the overall main plot.

I will say, I didn't know who Tyler was. I met Joel, Colin, Thomas, and Andrew. So, when the game asks me who I want to work with, I'm like, "Who's Tyler? Did I miss something?"

I'm assuming he could be found when choosing different choices, unless you accidentally put in the name Tyler instead of Thomas there. Regardless, I went with Joel. So, I took no mind to that.

There were times I pressed the spacebar too quickly, I suppose, and missed text. I also found the save button later on in the game above the textbox. I don't know why. Originally, there was the load, options, and main menu buttons above the textbox in the beginning of the game, but there was no save button until later on in the experience, which confused me, as I could have at least saved earlier to load earlier text that I missed. 

Luckily, the story was simple enough that not seeing some dialogue didn't ruin the experience for me. Although, I thought I had to manually hover and click on the choice menu buttons, but it turns out that pressing the spacebar can trigger a choice to be chosen. Luckily, it chose the option I wanted to go with, and I only struggled with that once in my single playthrough thus far.

Frankly, I don't know if I would go through a second playthrough with how long-winded, boring, and generic the story is from its dialogue to the length of its scenes. I saw moments of conflict, but I feel that they were low-stakes or didn't necessarily connect with the main character that those moments felt underwhelming overall.

I create visual novels, too, with my own crappy and low-effort art, which you can check out on my channel as well if you're interested. When I craft a story, I think about how to produce questions or conflicts in each scene, giving the protagonist a personal goal to reach for or a problem to solve that is meaningful to them.

I think I was missing who the protagonist was in this VN, but I also understand that the player was a blank-slate protagonist and that this was a parody of a dating sim. Although the plot was finishing the presentation, I didn't wholly connect with that plotline because it didn't seem truly meaningful to the MC. However, the romance grew onto me, as that was the heart of the story. So, good job there! I love a good romance.

By the way, I loved the heart animations when moving between scenes. Lovely touch there, as it really gives the game a sense of personality and to reinforce that this is a romantic dating sim.

I think the plotline with the presentation could have been stronger if we the players saw how the MC worked through that either with examples, internal conflict, or even how MC and partner worked on it together to really reinforce the importance of that plotline while also weaving in moments of romance and friendship in there.

However, hindsight is 20/20, and maybe I'm taking things more seriously than I should. Regardless, I give it a solid 6.5/10. Nice job!

Thanks. I had written this story back in 2025, but I literally didn’t start development of it until the end of February this year in 2026. I only updated it recently this month to update a minor mistake in the placement of an end quote. I did read that this game jam can meant for both old and new NSFW stories, so long as development of the visual novel falls within the period of the game jam. 

I also wanted to keep things vague on purpose on the game page for both mystery and intrigue, but I did accurately and appropriately tag this piece of work.

Finally, the music and sound effects, I had already created those pieces of instrumental sounds for my previous visual novels. I tend to recycle and reuse my own original pieces of music for all of my visual novels. However, the art, I had created back in February, specifically made for this VN, which I’ll detail more about in my next devlog on YouTube. 

So, I hope I followed all of the rules and guidelines properly then. If not, you or myself can always remove this submission from this game jam then, as I wasn’t even aware of this game jam when finishing this VN up. Thanks! 

The story was still very easy to read and follow along. The way you write can be considered a stylistic choice, and I saw your devlog first, which is how I came across this VN. So, I understand that English isn’t your first language. I hope I didn’t come across too harshly on that front. Plus, you can always update it with more content or fixes. 

I say just work on fleshing out the second half of your story to make it feel more fleshed out. Otherwise, it’s great the way it is. 

Think about story structure and what the protagonist’s goals and wants are. This is because even though the story ended with the protagonist going on a date with her love interest, the story didn’t feel quite complete to me because I didn’t know if the protagonist would end up with her love interest or not officially. What lesson did she learn? That’s not to say you can’t have an open-ended resolution, but a story should feel complete at the same time. 

These are six questions you can ask yourself and answer to guide yourself in telling a short, concise, and complete short story. (I found this information from a YouTube video. I did not come up with these questions myself.)

1. Who is it about?

2. What do they want?

3. What do they do?

4. Why doesn’t that work?

5. What do they finally do?

6. What is the end?

Well, I guess I could answer all of those questions, as it’s about Nyli who wants Vesper. She meets up with him for coffee to do a school project in the hopes of asking him out. It fails because Gigi gets in the way and wants to ask him out for Valentine’s Day instead. In order to combat this, Nyli confronts her, and the story ends with Nyli and Vesper going on a “date” on Valentine’s Day. 

I put “date” in quotes because it wasn’t a real one, as Nyli never confronted her feelings, making the ending feel not as satisfactory as it could have been. Not to say she has to express her feelings. Heck, she could simply acknowledge her feelings and let him go upon seeing Vesper and Gigi together on Valentine’s Day, for example.

The ending may have felt anticlimactic to me because since the confrontation with Gigi was skipped over, it felt like that the encounter at the park with Vesper was the climax instead. 

I didn’t get a sense of the falling action or resolution, and if this was a fake date of sorts, with the main character even questioning things, then it feels like things are still unresolved, with the true ending yet to come until things reach their natural conclusion, which I didn’t get the sense of. 

Again, this is just me. This is also a demo. The story could also simply end with her being happy or vengeful after the date back at her house as she thinks things over from the day. That way, the story ends with the reader knowing her stance and views on things, as this is a character-driven story, and thus the story has a resolution in regards to her feelings and desires. 

Ultimately, a story is a character wanting something, and something is getting in the way of the character’s wants. Thus, looking at your story from that lens, I don’t know if Nyli truly got what she wanted, how she felt about the date, and if she will continue to pursue Vesper or not. I think if you add such information in, an epilogue, if you will, it would go a long way in making the story feel complete and whole. 

Although, that’s just my take. You can take it or leave it. None of what I’m saying is truth, but these are things to consider and ponder nonetheless.

Interestingly enough, I got the true ending on my first try. I really enjoyed reading and playing through this visual novel. I loved the contrast between the characters and the backgrounds, too! I did notice there was no apostrophe for Valentine's Day in the beginning, and the word anticipating was misspelled. 

I also felt like I read a bunch of dependent clauses where they should have been connected to the starting sentences with a colon, comma, or em dash, or the sentences could have been turned into independent clauses with linking verbs or connected together with coordinating conjunctions. 

These sentences wouldn't need a comma and should be worded as such below:

"But the thought of him spending time with anyone else makes my skin crawl."

"All of his favorite songs are my favorites, too."

This sentence here below could use an extra comma for added clarity:

"He keeps occupying my thoughts... all morning, afternoon, and night."

Otherwise, everything else seemed fine to me. The narration and story actually flowed well. 

The dialogue between various characters and the characterization of the main character was well done, too, highlighting their different personalities and the different kinds of banters between them. Good job! 

The story was evenly paced, too. The only thing that caught me off guard story-wise was when I chose how to deal with the antagonist of the story, and then it skips that interaction and jumps to Nyli's day with her crush. It had all of this build-up and rising action, and I felt like I missed the climax of the story somehow. Otherwise, I really enjoyed it. 

Although, the way crush slides across the screen at the park could look more smooth or less abrupt. I don't know if it needs a hpunch or a vpunch after it or if the original sprite should have been hidden with a dissolve. It just didn't look quite right to me for whatever reason, but that's a minor nitpick. 

You can also hide the quick menu with $ quick_menu = False during the moments when a player can choose a choice. You can equate it back to true afterwards to bring it back up on the screen. 

Finally, the window icon can be changed from its default look. You can find it in the GUI folder. You can also remove the 1.0 from the main menu in the code where it states text "[config.version}": style "main_menu_version underneath screen main_menu() in screens.rpy. You would put two hashtags (#) in front of each of those two lines. 

Hello! I found your game through a devlog. Loved the humor in it as well as the art and concept of the game. It took me 35 minutes to beat. I would do well with the platforming during the final boss, but I don't know if it was my computer or the game itself, but it would briefly lag, causing me to not jump as far as I would have liked and thus causing me to fail and having to redo that level. That, or I would make a good jump, but a floating piece of rock would be in the way, causing me to not leap as far as I intended. I wasn't sure if I was going to beat that final level, especially because you have to continuously move during that level with pretty good precision to make it all the way up to the top. I was wondering if there was a button to make the character run. Otherwise, I enjoyed the game, art, platforming, and music of this game. Although, the windy storm sequences gave me stress, but I was glad that was a short-lived scene. I also understand you have to make the game interesting, but it briefly ruined the relaxation I developed earlier on. I also would have liked to have moved the character with the arrow keys instead of W, A, S, and D, but that's only because my right hand is my dominant hand. I noticed the different sound effects when the protagonist moved, fell, and jumped. Those were nice touches, and I loved the camera work in here too. Made the levels that much clearer. Although, the music could have faded between songs better, but that's a minor nitpick. I also loved the parallax backgrounds and foregrounds. I was expecting the desert level to have been the same runtime as the white level. So, when the desert level kept going, I was wondering when it was going to end. I also thought there would have been more discs to find, since it broke into more than just two pieces. I see that the game is still in development. That could explain it. Otherwise, I wasn't sure when the cutscenes would end, and when the character fell and jumped back up during the first cutscene, the screen was black, and I couldn't see the character move up. I don't know if that was a stylistic choice or not, but that confused me. All in all, I give this a 4.5/5! Good job!

For changing the location of the game menu buttons, you want to comment out the phrase “use navigation” in game menu. That should hide those menu buttons. Then, you can copy and paste the navigation menu and set it up under game menu and change it’s xpos, xalign, or xoffset. That should do the trick, I hope. 😅

So, I played through this visual novel. I don't know if this was meant to be written ironically to be funny or not, but it had a vibe of it was so bad, it's good kind of funny. The joke at the study desk and later with the plot twist reveal from the female character was hilarious, in my opinion. 

The art and music were beautifully done, as well. Although, Ronnie's hoodie has a light blue glow to his clothes during the first scene when it's evening. Otherwise, the art matched with the events of the story. 

Another issue I noticed was that the menu buttons in the game menu were on the right and not on the left, which would overlap with other buttons and text in the game menu screen. So, you might want to change their location. 

Finally, the writing was a bit all over the place with the hopping points of views and the story being written in first-person and not third-person omniscient. Luckily, I could understand and follow along with the story well enough, but sometimes scenes abruptly transitioned from one area to the next, which gave me a bit of whiplash, especially with needing to read who's speaking or thinking to know whose point of view I'm reading in at any given time. 

Otherwise, it was a funny, enjoyable, and short enough read with a happy and sweet ending. Good job! 

So, after playing this for three hours, I can say that I've pretty much gotten every ending to my knowledge. You could say it was... a tough stroll! Jokes aside, it did become an annoying and frustrating stroll for me having to go back and do everything all over again to get each and every ending. Rather, the "friend" route just angered me. I knew I wouldn't like that kid, and I didn't. Every time I went down that path, it just angered me unlike all the other routes. I don't know why, but I was surprised of his redemption arc. Some arcs made sense. Other endings were just completely out of left field. I would have preferred a tragic ending to the girl if you choose to study with the male friend. I noticed that certain routes can lock you into two bad endings or two good endings. Sometimes I liked that. Other times, I didn't. Otherwise, I could follow the stories in my mind as they went along. Yet, sometimes the player walking through the woods aligned with what the main character was doing. Yet, for the most part, what the player was doing had nothing to do with what was going on narratively. That wasn't an issue for me, and I understood that it would have taken more time and assets if this narrative experience was portrayed as a standard visual novel or if the player experience aligned with the events of the various stories the player can go down. I think it would have been an easier stroll if there was a branching tree map of the choices that were already chosen where the player can fast track to different routes without starting all over again. However, I understand that would have defeated the purpose of calling this and making this a tough stroll, as is the game's title. All in all, I rate this a 6.5/10 because the narrative was a bit all over the place for me, and I started to dislike the routes the more I discovered more of them for whatever reason. It's not the fault of the writer or his intentions with this branching narrative. It's just my personal feeling of going through this game. I did like the music, though. Loved the graphics and changes in the atmosphere. I felt the glowing, yellow sign depicted a good outcome while the glowing, purple sign depicted a bad outcome, even though that was not the case at all. Yet, I wasn't a fan of those color choices, nor was I fan of those floating rectangles behind the signs. I understood they were there to signal to the player to go over to either sign, but they kept looking like dollar signs to me, which would throw me off. Furthermore, a tough stroll sounds like a bit of an oxymoron because both words contradict one another. Yet. it works for this game. 

For me, I've written a lot of visual novels with different choices and endings, even making a light walking simulator game through RPG Maker MZ that was essentially a visual novel, too. So, whenever I've done branching storylines, it was always within the context of the main character's goals, motivations, or conflicts, whether they were their own character or a blank slate of a character. Usually, such endings ended with different nuances of the same situations, or I created different plots with completely different story beats from beginning, middle, to end. So, I say that all to say that I may have my own biases here at play. I don't know. Then again, I wasn't a fan of the visual novel Class '09: The Re-Up, which had a skip function and different plotlines that led to different outcomes within the context of the main character's situation. Ironically, I liked the narrative walking sim 7th Chance, and that one involved long walks through nature to find objects related to the main character's past, which had nothing to do with the setting. Yet, I liked that game more because I had to hunt for the items in different locations, and there was some thinking involved when it came to making certain decisions. However, some people didn't like that game because of the same reasons of walking too far away to get the different items to reach a simple ending in their words. Even so, I didn't feel that way because I felt like I was on a treasure hunt, and it told a more compact and confined story while yours felt boring and annoying to me because of the outlandish storylines and having to walk down one long path when the walking itself didn't necessarily need to be there to tell the stories, which were separate from the gameplay, I felt anyway. On the other hand, in my walking sim game Dreary, Dismal Days, where you walked and when you walked somewhere determined what conversations and outcomes you would get in the game. Likewise, a game where I had 27 different endings, I had branching paths and choices that didn't involve walking because it was a visual novel, but because of the medium I was telling those stories in, it allowed for less time to be wasted with the skip and load functions being available to the player. It was a visual novel I published on my profile here called Mother if you want to check that out as well as my other games. Thus, I think I was wanting that instant gratification in your game, maybe being so used to playing and making visual novels myself. I don't know. Regardless, I was glad to be able to play this game with its flaws and all. I also didn't mind the music overlapping or continually playing after going through a route in the game. It was a bit hard to read certain text at times due to its dark color and the dark background, but I was able to read through those moments anyway. I hope to see more games from you. Good job!

As a cashier myself, I give this a 10/10 for its realism. Good job! Very fun to play, and I liked seeing the different endings. 

I figured out why. I went by display name, not username. 

Maybe because there were numbers added to the end of my username that Discord gave me. Sorry about that. 😅

Okay. My display name is also ActiveDayDreamer on Discord. 

Whoo! I have Discord, but I never use it. You can hit me up at shelbylnofer@gmail.com.

if you’re more comfortable with Discord, I can see about setting that up, too. 

I used to be into astrology and creepypastas, and I’m always down for a good dating sim, too. I’ve been meaning to write a yandere VN, as well. So, those ideas work for me. We can also start from scratch with a new idea, too.

Cool! I’ve also collaborated with two of my artsy friends for two of my visual novels so far. So, I’m always down for collaborating, too, if you’re interested. 

I actually really like your art.  It’s cute and colorful. My only critique is that it sometimes looks flat in some places, but I think that was the point, and my art is flatter, anyway. 😅

Otherwise, I’m pretty flexible. They gave me art, and I would just build a story around said art. Examples include When Winter Comes and Vibrant Love on my page.

I mainly write coming-of-age dramas or romances that are wholesome or angsty, but I’ve dabbled in writing in the fantasy and horror genres before. Examples include The Power of Friendship and Curse on my page. 

I can work with a character sprite and a background or just a character sprite. A lot of my earlier works were self-contained stories like that, especially since they were for game jams. Examples include A Night Out, Class in Session, and Beach Waves on my page. 

I can also do branching paths that diverge into different plots or nuanced routes like in Mother and Love Days on my page. 

I’ve successfully done 25 game jams in total, and it usually takes me on average two weeks to a month to complete a visual novel. It can take me a week or less to write a good short story. 

I have Reddit, FB, Snapchat, YouTube, email, and this account if you’re interested in collaborating with me further. 

I was not aware of that. I also wasn't sure if this was a style of writing that I was reading. I hope I didn't come across arrogant or hypocritical in my essay of a rant. That's why I mentioned other examples of playing and reading through other visual novels and my own experience with game development. Even when I type up visual novels, I can end up with typos, and my work can range from boring to angsty and dramatic story-wise, which I'm astutely aware of. Plus, my art is bad, and I've been told it's crude. I've even criticized my own visual novels in the comments of my games. So, I am a critic all around. 

I also realize I write my visual novels differently than others. People write theirs like books or with streams of consciousnesses. I also tend to write by the seat of my pants, and there's no one way to write a piece of fiction. I just write mine like a movie script where they are more dialogue-driven and fast-paced in the sense that there is always some sort of conflict in every scene whereas other authors can be more light in that regard due to the slice-of-life nature of the genre they're writing in, which there's nothing wrong with that either. 

Although, if you poke around YouTube or Google, you'll find authors say that the driving force of any story is conflict, and without it, it can feel like a random series of events. At its core, a character having a goal plus an obstacle in the way of said character's goals is what equates to a plot. My works just happen to be more character-driven. 

Otherwise, I know what it's like to be given feedback on a piece of art, whether written or drawn, and it can hurt. So, I didn't want to shoot down your ego. However, I wanted to be truthful while giving advice along the way, even if it was unsolicited. Plus, I didn't know if I was being too harsh for a prototype. I've also done and participated in many game jams, too, where I rushed for the deadline. So, I know the feeling. 

Ultimately, at the end of the day, you got something out there, submitted your VN into a game jam, finished a story from beginning to middle to end, and you can always update the VN later if you so choose. That's still a win, and I'm just giving you my take as someone who appreciates the genre. You can write your visual novels however you want. That's the joy, power, and freedom of creativity. I just didn't want my critical feedback to discourage you from continuing your journey of game development, is all. 

Read with caution. Spoilers below.

So, I came here from the video you made about this project. I originally got the Edible Ending and then a bunch of dead ends. Then, because I put this through my Ren'Py launcher to play this on my Mac, I saw that there was a true ending and randomly chose answers again with some attention to detail to fall into a certain range to get the true ending, to which I did. If I didn't have that inside knowledge, I wouldn't have gotten that ending nor would know have known about its existence.

As for the game itself, I liked the art and the colors of the VN. I liked the CGs, too. Although, I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking at when the love interest was next to the MC in bed. I also found it funny how you had the characters go see a play about Rapunzel, as I also did that for my characters in the visual novel Love Days, which you can find on my profile here.

Yet, for a yandere story, I'm surprised you didn't mention about how the prince falls from the castle and becomes blinded by the thorns. That could have heightened her paranoia in the story or that sense of uneasiness. I know that from reading the original story. 

Otherwise, the story felt slow or boring in some places, and I was confused why Airi would call the MC kind or nice if the player chose to be cold to him. Furthermore, the way in which the player lives or is saved I wasn't a fan of because it had to do with how much Airi did or didn't like you and choosing seemingly inconsequential or unrelated decisions that had no bearing on one's survival.

In the game Negative Nancy, which is a story-driven game with multiple endings depending when and where and who you say, "No" to, I was able to figure out and get the endings where Nancy is saved by particular characters because of how she treated certain characters earlier in the episode. That to me made more sense because there was a clear cause and effect and positive and negative reaction to one's choices that didn't hinge on a hidden value based off of dialogue choices that were different shades of grey and nuances. 

I knew the true ending existed because you stated it at the end, but I wasn't sure if it did exist after trying different choices out and getting the same bad ending. Otherwise, there were a bunch of grammatical mistakes. Yet, I was fine with that, since I knew you said you were rushed for time, with this being a game jam. Some standouts were "stakes" instead of "steaks", "builds" instead of "bills", "there" instead of "their", "existing" instead of "existence", and "short staffed" instead of "short-staffed." 

Sometimes apostrophes were forgotten or misplaced, and oftentimes, the first letter of a sentence was not capitalized. Regardless, I was able to understand everything. So, it's all good. I understand this was a rushed prototype. Just pointing out errors to help you clean up the VN better after the fact or to be aware of such issues for future visual novels. 

Furthermore, I didn't like how the font was small in the beginning, but I got used to it. I legitimately thought there were uppercase F's in random places of the text, but turns out that is just how the font looks. That threw me off. I also noticed the text is white and therefore unreadable in the game menu. You might want to check that out.

I wasn't sure how Airi rhymed with Siri. I read his name as Ari or Airy pronunciation-wise, which seemed more feminine than masculine to me for a boy's name, unless that was what you were going for. The relaxing music reminded me of the music from the hit visual novel Our Life: Beginning and Always. I was surprised that the comfy music still played in scenes where the character felt uncomfortable. Silence could have been used there in such moments, unless you wanted that juxtaposition. It also would have been nice if the player could name the MC or if the MC had a name herself (or himself). Also, it doesn't make sense for Airi to be known as Airi in the beginning of the game if the main character doesn't know his name yet. 

Additionally, when I was skipping the game a lot, I noticed there was an audio error where the relaxing music overlapped with the piano music when the MC leaves the café and goes back home with Airi. Both musical tracks play at the same time there. Although, it stops once MC wakes up in the basement, and that's when only one track plays, which was the new one by then.

All in all, I liked the game. Well, I'm mixed on it. Even putting the nitpicks aside, I wasn't feeling invested in the characters or in the storyline. Although, I was excited when I got closer to Airi. Yet, I was disappointed and confused when he decided to eat the MC despite liking the MC. He could have easily gotten away with his criminal acts if he didn't give MC his special dishes.

To add to that confusion, not only does Airi think MC is kind either way, the MC likes that Airi is looking out for her or him later on in the game, even if MC is wary and cold of him prior to all of that. I felt maybe the story should have changed depending on how the MC felt about Airi in the final acts.

For example, MC could have texted his or her homegirl the night Airi was sleeping over at MC's place if MC was suspicious of Airi, making her friend's appearance later on more believable than something pulled out of thin air. 

Another thing, I think it would have been more believable to see the manager more in the beginning than only in that one scene, especially if he's the manager. I felt like scenes happened independent of the story to put conflict in the story rather than seamlessly flowing into one another. They felt like isolated incidents that happened randomly than feeling like there was natural build-up to those scenes. I don't know if this is making sense, but it also felt weird that it felt like MC worked at the café alone when she had other people working alongside her.

Also, at least in America, employees want the customers to leave after they're done their food. Of course, that's dependent on culture and establishment. Yet, it could have made for more interesting conflict if the MC didn't like Airi's continuous presence or if the manager didn't either. Food for thought there (pun intended).

Finally, sorry for making a harsh review here. It's meant to be constructive, not destructive. My biggest issue with this visual novel was the slow pacing and boring filler moments. However, I've seen this in other hit visual novels like Our Life: Beginning and Always, Arcade Spirits, and other indie visual novel titles. 

As someone who writes short stories for my own visual novels, reads indie visual novels, and provides feedback in the Ren'Py subreddit, even, I've come to realize that people may prioritize art over storytelling in this sphere. 

It's not so much about good writing versus bad writing or perfect grammar versus horrible grammar. It's just that I'll find myself forcing myself to read through a pretty-looking but boring-to-read visual novel half the time. This is because I find there is a lack of conflict in the story. Thus, I'm waiting for things to happen, or it makes for an underwhelming experience. Luckily, you don't overly describe the setting with descriptive text, as I've seen other visual novels do. Instead, I felt like I read through filler dialogue or dialogue that bored me. Maybe that's a personal nitpick of mine, and you can completely disregard that.

However, for as much dialogue as there was, I felt I only knew the characters on a surface-level. I wasn't sure what to think of the main character and didn't have a solid grasp of who he or she was, even. I felt scenes switched between locations because they had to, not because I was living through the character and following along with their thought processes, fears, or desires. The "what" of a novel is the plot and events of a novel. The "who" of a novel is the story and person of a novel. It's the "why" behind the actions of the main character that drives the story forward and gives meaning to the events that take place. 

If a story is a character desiring something and wanting to obtain a goal but something is getting in their way, then I'm not quite sure what the protagonist of this story truly wanted. Sure, Airi presented himself to the MC, but even if that character didn't make their presence overtly known, then I don't know what the MC would have truly wanted or why the MC was intrigued with Airi to begin with. Thus, it begs what the story is behind this visual novel.

Additionally, I work in customer service too and see and talk with regulars all the time. That doesn't mean I want to hang out with them, let alone with my coworkers. 

All in all, I understand the story externally but not internally, and maybe it would have flowed better or be better understood if both the external events of the story and the internal desires and fears of the main character were taken into account when planning and writing out the story.

Ultimately, I give this visual novel a 7.5/10. Love the art and the colors. Could work on story, grammar, and dialogue. Good job!

Thanks! It sucks that I couldn't submit it into the game jam in time, but for a visual novel of this size and scope, I think I worked on it and released it at a reasonable time considering everything that went involved in the making of it. I wasn't just color coordinating the backgrounds and characters but the game menu and the page for the game itself! If you notice, the characters start off gray, become grayer, and then become colorful in conjunction to the rising and falling events of the story. I thought that was a neat touch. Artistically and storytelling-wise, I thought this visual novel turned out great! As for the music and sound effects, they could have been overused in some places, but I didn't want to seek out further assets. Thus, I used my own in more places than not, which either weren't the correct sound effect for the sound it was describing, or they were drowned out by the music, I found, anyway. Regardless, I give this VN a solid 8.5/10. This one is definitely leagues beyond better than my usual ones, and I'm glad how it turned out. I'm so glad and relieved you like this just as much! That's all that matters to me, but I also let the other creators know I used their assets for this particular VN, too, as that's why they made those assets—for other people to use! All in all, you were awesome to collaborate and work with, too! Thank you for your patience, hard work, and feedback as well! I'm always willing to collab in the future.

Hey, thanks for the sound effects! They were amazing to use and are very clear to hear. Although I didn't end up using the Dark Cave track since a dark cave is featured in my latest VN, I did end up using Forest With Birds, Spring Water, and Winter Storm for my latest visual novel. I credited you as well. Check it out here if you're interested.

https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

Hey, thanks for the various soundtracks you created here for others to listen to, share, and use! I used Hope and Woo Scary in my latest visual novel here if you're interested in seeing and hearing it out. https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

Thank you for creating and sharing this beautiful piece of music for others to listen to and use. I used it for my latest visual novel and credited you. It's here if you're interested in checking it out. https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

I bought your campfire pack for my latest visual novel. Thanks! It helped set the mood and tone of the scene. Check it out here if you're interested. https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

I used all of those sample scenes for my latest visual novel here if you want to check it out. Thanks! They were a big help!

https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

I like the color of the snowflakes! I used one for the window icon for my latest visual novel here: https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes. Check it out if you want.

Nice backgrounds! I used two of them for my latest visual novel! You can check it out here if you're interested. https://activedaydreamer.itch.io/when-winter-comes

Thanks! My cat likes to nap on me, too! 😸