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Thank you so much for your honest feedback! Can you tell me which hentai games got your attention? I want to check them to have more references. Also, is there any character in my game that you think the dialogues more natural?

When it comes to hentai games, I feel that the most important ingredient is personality.  That means natural dialogue, aesthetics that fits together nicely, and music that can set the scene nicely.

Unfortunately, RPGMaker games have it rough on the aesthetic and musical front - they typically rely on stock assets without much editing to make them feel more unique.  I recommend trying out the pitch setting on stock music and seeing how it changes the feel of any given piece.  While certainly not as good when compared to original music, that is a relatively easy way to make things less generic.


Now as to reference games, that is bit of an issue.   The first is that you seem to be going for a fairly standard RPGMaker game, some of my references have to be oriented around that.  Further, a number of my favorites require an unofficial English translation patch for me to understand them, and the odds of them being in your language are less likely.


I will detail some of them, in no particular order.


#1:  Monster Girl Dreams, on Itch.io.  Freeware at the moment, unfinished.

A game based on the Ren'py engine, if I remember rightly.  The strong point of this unfinished product is the dialogue and most of the art for the characters.  While I do enjoy exploring the game and making out with the ladies, the actual gameplay doesn't feel good to me.  There is a fair number of options for handling combat, but they don't really feel interesting to use. 


#2:   The Dungeon of Lulu Farea , official translation on DLSite.  Unofficial patch for original version available.

While this game certainly has personality for the character interactions, the most defining aspect is the gameplay.   You are tasked with conquering levels of a dungeon - but you have finite resources.  To advance, you must carefully calculate the benefits spending your limited resources.  I had to start a fresh campaign at least three times, but didn't mind much because I was learning how to optimize properly.   This game is heavily inspired by the Tower of the Sorceror, an old Japanese freeware game from the 90's.   There are some remakes of TOS on the Google Play store.  DROD RPG also has similar gameplay.    I really enjoy this gameplay, it is very different and thoughtful from the traditional JRPG grind.


#3:  Naedoko's Demon Ground, requires an unofficial translation.

In this game, the gimmick is using pregnancy to birth a variety of monsters.  Aside from being party members for combat, they sometimes are key to solving quests or problems.   Somewhat hardcore, but a good balance of combat and dialogue.  The dungeon design isn't good, but not awful either.   I get the feeling that this game is the closest of the bunch to what you are going for.


There is actually quite a few hentai games worth checking out, and there seems to be a new generation cropping up on Itch.io and Gamejolt.  These have potential, but are not yet finished and too numerous to go into detail.  Shortlist:    Haremon, Dandy Boy Adventures, A Town Uncovered, Monster Girl Island, and Third Crisis.


Not giving an opinion on your characters yet.  I barely started the game, they deserve more time to leave an impression.

OMG! Thank you sooooooooooooooooo much for these references! I'm playing The Dungeon of Lulu Farea and it's a really interesting game concept! I'll check the others. Thank you!

Hoi.   


I went over the dialogue, so I will list whatever bothered me.

#1:   During the intro cutscene, the father says "Look what I brought to you."   While technically correct, contextually it is more common in English to say "Look what I brought for you."

#2:   Trix's response "I don't believe!!"  Is a bit off.   In the English language, multiple "!" marks for a sentence are rarely used.  When very strong responses are needed, full capitalization is sometimes used.  Three examples.

 
EG1:   "Oh god, the humanity!  They don't deserve this..."   This is a common application of exclaimation marks.

EG2:   "HOLD IT THERE, BUSTER."   You may use this if someone is speaking calmly but with some intimidating force.  Try not to overuse the capitalization method, as it would lose impact for the reader.

EG3:   "HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER, PUNK!"  An intimidating yell.  

Anyhow: Trix's dialogue for that section can be improved with the following.  "I don't believe it!".   


#3:  Not sure if this one is a flaw.   From my search on Wiktionary (a useful resource), "Atalantas" isn't mentioned.  I am not sure if this is a fictional word for your setting, an foreign word that isn't recognized in English, or a straight up flaw.   Going by Trix's gear, my first guess is that she is themed after Greek, Roman, or some Persian motifs.  It would be nice if you can tell me what she is based on, so that I can make better assumptions.

Aside from that, I wondering if her shield is based on a real-world item.  It doesn't strike me as practical, but I wouldn't mind learning more about odd pieces of gear.


#4:  The mother's dialogue.  "Why don't you wait for me?!"   Contextually off.  This wording is best used if a person notices a recurring pattern where they are often left behind.   "Why didn't you wait for me?!"  Would make more sense for a one-off incident.


#5:  A inconsistency.  After Frank and Rosie mention their names, Rosie's dialogue boxes now use her name as the speaker.  However, Frank is still just "Father" throughout the conversation.


#6: Two things about Rosie's dialogue concerning Trix's education.   First, she refers to "Bombardier".  That is an engineer who specializes in artilarrly, thus being engaged in warfare.  While a relatively safe role for a combatant, it is still odd when considering how opposed she is to Trix being in danger.   Also, I have the impression that Rosie is intending Trix to learn how to use magic.  It might be a setting where warfare uses magic for artillary purposes, but I am not sure.

Secondly, the dialogue.   "...we have a guild for her to study."  The context doesn't work in English.  If it was "...we have a book for her to study.", that would make contextual sense, since it is an item that a person can possess.   My recommendation:   "She will be an excellent Bombardier, our village guild would let her study."


#7:  "You should be learning good spells!"  Technically correct and can fit into the right context, but I think that "You should be learning spells!" would work better.  Being overly verbose or long with a sentence can irritate a reader.  An over-abundance of that can drain away immersion.  What I do is to say the sentence myself, and see if it easily rolls off the tongue.  If it feels clunky, try to shorten or simplify the words.


#8:  "...turns the girl over."  Correct structure and such, but the context makes it sound like that Trix is lying on the ground.  I recommend "...turns around the girl."


#9:   I am not sure what a "Pally Wine" is.  My first guess is that it is Emily's staff?  This may hint at parts of the setting that might be your own original touch, or it might be a bad translation.  Need more information.


#10:  A slight edit to Emily's reply.   "...known for its curses that spread on its multiple floors."  -> "...known for the curses that spread on its multiple floors."   By swapping an "its" for an "the", you lower the repetition of words in the sentence.  That gives it a more natural flow.


#11:  "...to facilitate the recognition..." could be simplified as "to facilitate recognition."  Honestly, this one works either way.  You could use the longer and more verbose wording for Emily's dialogue, to help set her dialogue apart from other characters.  Basically, don't always use my advice if you think that it isn't right for someone.


#12:  This one just needs clarification for me.  "...Desire's Level is the first where people get excited quickly."   My understanding of the conversation is that Desire's Level is the first set of floors, so using "the first where people get excited quickly" doesn't make sense - it doesn't have a preceding level.  Depending on what you meant, elaboration or removing some dialogue would be needed.


#13:  The dialogue concerning the Giant Limbs Level is alright.  My concern is with Emily herself:  Is she a shy person regarding sexuality, or likes using fancier words?  It is important that dialogue reflects a person's mindset.  I haven't ventured much into the game yet, but the thought occurred to me that she might be interchangeable with other characters.  She might simply be a balanced person?   Anyhow, if she has a technical approach, she would use "breast" and "genitals" (which applies to both genders.  If she is shy, she would may be reluctant to talk about the subject matter.


#14:  "YOU SHOULD LEARN WITH HER!"  Technically correct, but it is more natural to say "YOU SHOULD LEARN FROM HER!"


#15 "Horny Tower entrance has weaker bees than those on the other side of the river."   ->  "The Horny Tower entrance has weaker bees than those on the other side of the river."  This makes it more natural.


#16:  Just a gameplay recommendation.  When a character levels up, their HP and MP should be fully recovered.  This allows for quicker grinding, especially when trying to get permission for the tower.


#17:  When speaking with Rosie, she says "TAKE THIS ARMOR!"   That implies she is either trying to give armor to Trix, or that she is attacking the armor.  In the latter case, I recommend "TAKE THIS, ARMOR!", with her hitting it.  Mind, I don't think she would use a kitchen knife.  If you change the counter to have a pot of boiling food, she could hit Trix's armor with a large spoon.  Alternatively, Rosie could say "TAKE OFF THAT ARMOR!", with predictable results.


#18:  The Toy Ring, Common Ring, and Angel Necklace all have the same stats.


#19: When entering the save/load menu, it defaults to the autosave.  I think it will be safer and more convenient to default with the last manual save.


#20: While trying to enter the school house at night, the dialogue reads "door closed".  It would be nicer as "This door is locked..."

Thank you for your patience and another amazing feedback, Sabin! It's really hard for people how don't have English as the first language to understand what is contextually more common. Based on your feedback, I'm examining all texts that I have written until now, and rewriting what I think can be improved! In the new version, I'll implement your suggestions and I hope it’s better than the first one. Also, Atalanta is a common class in RPG (I was inspired by Priston Tale) and Bombardier is a class that I created in the game's lore. I'll keep an eye on it to see if that needs to be changed. Thank you again!

Hey, have you checked the remake version? A lot of things have been changed!

Been wanting to, but I tend to get entangled in a number of games at any given time.  I will try to put it at the top of the bucket list.

Only just completed the intro for r.3.0.0.  As such, it is just nitpicks concerning dialogue.


#1:  Text can be slightly cut off.  My monitor is at 1920 x 1080 resolution.  An example of text cut-off is during the intro, during the sentence "Are you really so pathetic that you need to be harrasin..."  About 1/4th of the "g" is missing at the window edge.

#2:  The following text is technically correct, but feels a bit like a run-on sentence.   "Because I do whatever the hell I want and and right now I feel like kicking your asses."   I suggest shortening it to "Because I do whatever the hell I want, right now I feel like kicking your asses."

#3:  Concerning the description of Vengeful Strike, "Causes extra damage equals to damage taken.",  should have "equals" be "equal".  The plurality of "equal" is dependent on context.

#4:  "Ownn, how sweet..."  This one is a bit iffy for me.  My first guess is that it was meant to be "Oh, how sweet", but the situation implies that Emily is slurring her words from pain.   Something like "Ow...that is sweet, but I don't really need it.", might be more clear.

#5:  "Ohh, I know that!"   Technically, "Ohh" should be "Oh".  That said, drawing out some words by adding extra letters is fine for getting a character's energy across.  Alter or keep at your discretion - it is more about authorial intent, than anything else.

#6: "Cute? haha..."  Should have the "haha" as "Haha".  Question marks are generally treated like periods for ending sentences.  So it should look like "Cute? Haha..."  Should the laugh be a sound effect in text form, I recommend this format:   "Cute? *haha*, That's not a word I would use..."

By doing that, you can make it more clear that the sound effect is separate from speech.

#7:  "Anyway...Are you heading home, or something?"   When periods are used as ellipses, the rule for capitalizing the start of a sentence is disregarded.   It should be "Anyway...are you heading home, or something?"

#8:  "Yeah...But", should be "Yeah...but"

#9:  "Ohh...You know" should be "Ohh...you know"

#10:  "Not any place, but as the queen's personal guard."   Slightly off, usually it would be written as "Not just any place,".  Some places like the United Kingdom would also capitalize "Queen", since that is considered to be a formal title of respect for the ruler.  It depends on who is the doing the speaking, as an American usually won't give a capitalization to England's queen.

#11:  "C'mon, let's get going then before it gets dark,"  Technically works, but usually it would be spoken without "then", for a more natural feel.

Oh, thank you! I'll work on your feedback and dialogues will be fixed in the next version (January 29th).

Heya.  Got around to completing the town.  Hopefully some of this is useful for you.


TOWN
#12:  (Zoe's shop)  "Ohh, ok."  -> "Oh, ok."

#13:  (Zoe's shop)  "I have some potions and alchemy creations."   For this one, the word "alchemy" is certainly spelled correctly.  However, the word "alchemic" flows more naturally for this sentence.

#14:  (Zoe's shop)  "Ohh, Trix."  -> "Oh, Trix."

#15:  (Zoe's shop) "...all kinds of alchemy creations."  You can remove "creations", which allows the word "alchemy" to flow more naturally.  I don't recommend "alchemic", since using the same word and structure repetively isn't intended for this character.

#16:  Item - Rosebud Tea:  "A sweet tea with high aphrodisiac effect."   Technically correct.  However, "a strong" or "a powerful" would be more natural wording.

#17:  Item - Lavender Tea:  "A tea with beautiful color and calming effects."   Works, but would be more natural without the "s" in "effects".   Usually "effects" is used for when there are multiple qualities involved.

#18: Item - Barrier Potion and Strength Potion:   Both of these use "tangy" in their description.  It seems like you are making each potion have different smells, so one of these potions should have a changed smell.  I recommend "acerbic" for the Strength Potion, since this item is for offensive purposes.

#19:  (Zoe's shop)  "Hey, Trix...have you found any Fragment inside Horny Tower?"  Slightly unnatural for two reasons:  The first, is that Trix hasn't gotten into the Golden Tower yet.  Placing this conversation later would make it work better narratively.  Secondly, "Fragment" should drop the capitalization, since it isn't a formal name.  The flow of the sentence feels a bit off, too.   Removing "any" for "a" and adding "strange" would be more natural.

"Hey, Trix...have you found a strange fragment inside Horny Tower?"

#20:  When saving, the slot position defaults to #20.  I think this is the auto-save slot, which the player probably doesn't want to overwrite.  Having the cursor default to the last player-written save would be better.

#21: (Soldier) "Only those with a royal permission are allowed to enter."  Definitely correct, it is just that most English speakers would omit "a", to make it "Only those with royal permission are allowed to enter."

#22:  (Adventurer's Guild)  Middle-aged Man:  "don't know the true value of a good armor"   Usually, "a good armor", wouldn't have the "a".   This is because armor is inherently plural - helmet, greaves, bracers, shield, ect.

#23:  (Adventurer's Guild)  A suggestion for the Blacksmith's quest:  Instead of "Orc Pelts", he asks for "Orc Foreskins", instead.  His revenge for being cuckolded would make this appropriate, and hilight the lurid nature of the game.  It is also a good chance for us to know how Trix relates to the setting's perversion.

#24:  (Adventurer's Guild)  Middle-aged woman:  "It's hard to prepare food for all adventurers!"  For this sentence, replacing "all adventurers!" with "every adventurer!" would be more suitable.

#25:  (Adventurer's Guild)  Adventurer:  "Ugh...Being sent here"  Should be "Ugh...being sent here"

#26:  (Bar)  Woman:  "I got from my father in exchange of it"  Should be "in exchange for it".   Also "...It's very important to me.", should have "...it's".   Also a slight inconsistency between the quest giver and quest log, in that she says "Ancient Necklace", while the log is "Lost Necklace".

#27:  (Bar) Old Man:  "Ahh...Get me another bottle," should decapitalize the "Get".

#28:  (Bar) Mysterious Man:   I recommend making his request for Magic Slimes into a formal quest.  Mentioning which biome the slimes can be found would also be handy.   Maybe require the slimes to be "milked" in a special fashion to push Trixie towards perversion?  I am thinking they could produce tiny slime cores for the next generation, but don't know what sort of depravity the game is willing to go into.

#29:  (Bar) Dancer:  it would be nice if Trixie had a response to the Dancer's offer.  Opportunities to flesh out Trixie and her world should often be taken.

#29:  Battle Academy door:  I think the message could be more specific to be realistic.  A business would mention if the staff is on break for a meal or prep, maybe say that it would be open on another day.  From a gameplay standpoint, it can also communicate how to progress the game.

/TOWN

You bet it will! I'll release this in the next build too.