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Only just completed the intro for r.3.0.0.  As such, it is just nitpicks concerning dialogue.


#1:  Text can be slightly cut off.  My monitor is at 1920 x 1080 resolution.  An example of text cut-off is during the intro, during the sentence "Are you really so pathetic that you need to be harrasin..."  About 1/4th of the "g" is missing at the window edge.

#2:  The following text is technically correct, but feels a bit like a run-on sentence.   "Because I do whatever the hell I want and and right now I feel like kicking your asses."   I suggest shortening it to "Because I do whatever the hell I want, right now I feel like kicking your asses."

#3:  Concerning the description of Vengeful Strike, "Causes extra damage equals to damage taken.",  should have "equals" be "equal".  The plurality of "equal" is dependent on context.

#4:  "Ownn, how sweet..."  This one is a bit iffy for me.  My first guess is that it was meant to be "Oh, how sweet", but the situation implies that Emily is slurring her words from pain.   Something like "Ow...that is sweet, but I don't really need it.", might be more clear.

#5:  "Ohh, I know that!"   Technically, "Ohh" should be "Oh".  That said, drawing out some words by adding extra letters is fine for getting a character's energy across.  Alter or keep at your discretion - it is more about authorial intent, than anything else.

#6: "Cute? haha..."  Should have the "haha" as "Haha".  Question marks are generally treated like periods for ending sentences.  So it should look like "Cute? Haha..."  Should the laugh be a sound effect in text form, I recommend this format:   "Cute? *haha*, That's not a word I would use..."

By doing that, you can make it more clear that the sound effect is separate from speech.

#7:  "Anyway...Are you heading home, or something?"   When periods are used as ellipses, the rule for capitalizing the start of a sentence is disregarded.   It should be "Anyway...are you heading home, or something?"

#8:  "Yeah...But", should be "Yeah...but"

#9:  "Ohh...You know" should be "Ohh...you know"

#10:  "Not any place, but as the queen's personal guard."   Slightly off, usually it would be written as "Not just any place,".  Some places like the United Kingdom would also capitalize "Queen", since that is considered to be a formal title of respect for the ruler.  It depends on who is the doing the speaking, as an American usually won't give a capitalization to England's queen.

#11:  "C'mon, let's get going then before it gets dark,"  Technically works, but usually it would be spoken without "then", for a more natural feel.

Oh, thank you! I'll work on your feedback and dialogues will be fixed in the next version (January 29th).

Heya.  Got around to completing the town.  Hopefully some of this is useful for you.


TOWN
#12:  (Zoe's shop)  "Ohh, ok."  -> "Oh, ok."

#13:  (Zoe's shop)  "I have some potions and alchemy creations."   For this one, the word "alchemy" is certainly spelled correctly.  However, the word "alchemic" flows more naturally for this sentence.

#14:  (Zoe's shop)  "Ohh, Trix."  -> "Oh, Trix."

#15:  (Zoe's shop) "...all kinds of alchemy creations."  You can remove "creations", which allows the word "alchemy" to flow more naturally.  I don't recommend "alchemic", since using the same word and structure repetively isn't intended for this character.

#16:  Item - Rosebud Tea:  "A sweet tea with high aphrodisiac effect."   Technically correct.  However, "a strong" or "a powerful" would be more natural wording.

#17:  Item - Lavender Tea:  "A tea with beautiful color and calming effects."   Works, but would be more natural without the "s" in "effects".   Usually "effects" is used for when there are multiple qualities involved.

#18: Item - Barrier Potion and Strength Potion:   Both of these use "tangy" in their description.  It seems like you are making each potion have different smells, so one of these potions should have a changed smell.  I recommend "acerbic" for the Strength Potion, since this item is for offensive purposes.

#19:  (Zoe's shop)  "Hey, Trix...have you found any Fragment inside Horny Tower?"  Slightly unnatural for two reasons:  The first, is that Trix hasn't gotten into the Golden Tower yet.  Placing this conversation later would make it work better narratively.  Secondly, "Fragment" should drop the capitalization, since it isn't a formal name.  The flow of the sentence feels a bit off, too.   Removing "any" for "a" and adding "strange" would be more natural.

"Hey, Trix...have you found a strange fragment inside Horny Tower?"

#20:  When saving, the slot position defaults to #20.  I think this is the auto-save slot, which the player probably doesn't want to overwrite.  Having the cursor default to the last player-written save would be better.

#21: (Soldier) "Only those with a royal permission are allowed to enter."  Definitely correct, it is just that most English speakers would omit "a", to make it "Only those with royal permission are allowed to enter."

#22:  (Adventurer's Guild)  Middle-aged Man:  "don't know the true value of a good armor"   Usually, "a good armor", wouldn't have the "a".   This is because armor is inherently plural - helmet, greaves, bracers, shield, ect.

#23:  (Adventurer's Guild)  A suggestion for the Blacksmith's quest:  Instead of "Orc Pelts", he asks for "Orc Foreskins", instead.  His revenge for being cuckolded would make this appropriate, and hilight the lurid nature of the game.  It is also a good chance for us to know how Trix relates to the setting's perversion.

#24:  (Adventurer's Guild)  Middle-aged woman:  "It's hard to prepare food for all adventurers!"  For this sentence, replacing "all adventurers!" with "every adventurer!" would be more suitable.

#25:  (Adventurer's Guild)  Adventurer:  "Ugh...Being sent here"  Should be "Ugh...being sent here"

#26:  (Bar)  Woman:  "I got from my father in exchange of it"  Should be "in exchange for it".   Also "...It's very important to me.", should have "...it's".   Also a slight inconsistency between the quest giver and quest log, in that she says "Ancient Necklace", while the log is "Lost Necklace".

#27:  (Bar) Old Man:  "Ahh...Get me another bottle," should decapitalize the "Get".

#28:  (Bar) Mysterious Man:   I recommend making his request for Magic Slimes into a formal quest.  Mentioning which biome the slimes can be found would also be handy.   Maybe require the slimes to be "milked" in a special fashion to push Trixie towards perversion?  I am thinking they could produce tiny slime cores for the next generation, but don't know what sort of depravity the game is willing to go into.

#29:  (Bar) Dancer:  it would be nice if Trixie had a response to the Dancer's offer.  Opportunities to flesh out Trixie and her world should often be taken.

#29:  Battle Academy door:  I think the message could be more specific to be realistic.  A business would mention if the staff is on break for a meal or prep, maybe say that it would be open on another day.  From a gameplay standpoint, it can also communicate how to progress the game.

/TOWN

You bet it will! I'll release this in the next build too.