To be honest, this game doesn't grab me. I am not sure why, but some hentai games get my attention and keep it, while others just...feel hollow?
I think part of the problem for this particular game is that the unnatural language can make a person go "Huh?..wait, people don't talk that way.", and snap a player out of the intended experience.
Anyhow, I haven't entered the tower yet, so I can't really talk about the gameplay or dungeon design yet. Until I get a grasp of what kind of gameplay there is, I can't be helpful in that regard.
Thank you so much for your honest feedback! Can you tell me which hentai games got your attention? I want to check them to have more references. Also, is there any character in my game that you think the dialogues more natural?
When it comes to hentai games, I feel that the most important ingredient is personality. That means natural dialogue, aesthetics that fits together nicely, and music that can set the scene nicely.
Unfortunately, RPGMaker games have it rough on the aesthetic and musical front - they typically rely on stock assets without much editing to make them feel more unique. I recommend trying out the pitch setting on stock music and seeing how it changes the feel of any given piece. While certainly not as good when compared to original music, that is a relatively easy way to make things less generic.
Now as to reference games, that is bit of an issue. The first is that you seem to be going for a fairly standard RPGMaker game, some of my references have to be oriented around that. Further, a number of my favorites require an unofficial English translation patch for me to understand them, and the odds of them being in your language are less likely.
I will detail some of them, in no particular order.
#1: Monster Girl Dreams, on Itch.io. Freeware at the moment, unfinished.
A game based on the Ren'py engine, if I remember rightly. The strong point of this unfinished product is the dialogue and most of the art for the characters. While I do enjoy exploring the game and making out with the ladies, the actual gameplay doesn't feel good to me. There is a fair number of options for handling combat, but they don't really feel interesting to use.
#2: The Dungeon of Lulu Farea , official translation on DLSite. Unofficial patch for original version available.
While this game certainly has personality for the character interactions, the most defining aspect is the gameplay. You are tasked with conquering levels of a dungeon - but you have finite resources. To advance, you must carefully calculate the benefits spending your limited resources. I had to start a fresh campaign at least three times, but didn't mind much because I was learning how to optimize properly. This game is heavily inspired by the Tower of the Sorceror, an old Japanese freeware game from the 90's. There are some remakes of TOS on the Google Play store. DROD RPG also has similar gameplay. I really enjoy this gameplay, it is very different and thoughtful from the traditional JRPG grind.
#3: Naedoko's Demon Ground, requires an unofficial translation.
In this game, the gimmick is using pregnancy to birth a variety of monsters. Aside from being party members for combat, they sometimes are key to solving quests or problems. Somewhat hardcore, but a good balance of combat and dialogue. The dungeon design isn't good, but not awful either. I get the feeling that this game is the closest of the bunch to what you are going for.
There is actually quite a few hentai games worth checking out, and there seems to be a new generation cropping up on Itch.io and Gamejolt. These have potential, but are not yet finished and too numerous to go into detail. Shortlist: Haremon, Dandy Boy Adventures, A Town Uncovered, Monster Girl Island, and Third Crisis.
Not giving an opinion on your characters yet. I barely started the game, they deserve more time to leave an impression.
OMG! Thank you sooooooooooooooooo much for these references! I'm playing The Dungeon of Lulu Farea and it's a really interesting game concept! I'll check the others. Thank you!
I went over the dialogue, so I will list whatever bothered me.
#1: During the intro cutscene, the father says "Look what I brought to you." While technically correct, contextually it is more common in English to say "Look what I brought for you."
#2: Trix's response "I don't believe!!" Is a bit off. In the English language, multiple "!" marks for a sentence are rarely used. When very strong responses are needed, full capitalization is sometimes used. Three examples.
EG1: "Oh god, the humanity! They don't deserve this..." This is a common application of exclaimation marks.
EG2: "HOLD IT THERE, BUSTER." You may use this if someone is speaking calmly but with some intimidating force. Try not to overuse the capitalization method, as it would lose impact for the reader.
EG3: "HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER, PUNK!" An intimidating yell.
Anyhow: Trix's dialogue for that section can be improved with the following. "I don't believe it!".
#3: Not sure if this one is a flaw. From my search on Wiktionary (a useful resource), "Atalantas" isn't mentioned. I am not sure if this is a fictional word for your setting, an foreign word that isn't recognized in English, or a straight up flaw. Going by Trix's gear, my first guess is that she is themed after Greek, Roman, or some Persian motifs. It would be nice if you can tell me what she is based on, so that I can make better assumptions.
Aside from that, I wondering if her shield is based on a real-world item. It doesn't strike me as practical, but I wouldn't mind learning more about odd pieces of gear.
#4: The mother's dialogue. "Why don't you wait for me?!" Contextually off. This wording is best used if a person notices a recurring pattern where they are often left behind. "Why didn't you wait for me?!" Would make more sense for a one-off incident.
#5: A inconsistency. After Frank and Rosie mention their names, Rosie's dialogue boxes now use her name as the speaker. However, Frank is still just "Father" throughout the conversation.
#6: Two things about Rosie's dialogue concerning Trix's education. First, she refers to "Bombardier". That is an engineer who specializes in artilarrly, thus being engaged in warfare. While a relatively safe role for a combatant, it is still odd when considering how opposed she is to Trix being in danger. Also, I have the impression that Rosie is intending Trix to learn how to use magic. It might be a setting where warfare uses magic for artillary purposes, but I am not sure.
Secondly, the dialogue. "...we have a guild for her to study." The context doesn't work in English. If it was "...we have a book for her to study.", that would make contextual sense, since it is an item that a person can possess. My recommendation: "She will be an excellent Bombardier, our village guild would let her study."
#7: "You should be learning good spells!" Technically correct and can fit into the right context, but I think that "You should be learning spells!" would work better. Being overly verbose or long with a sentence can irritate a reader. An over-abundance of that can drain away immersion. What I do is to say the sentence myself, and see if it easily rolls off the tongue. If it feels clunky, try to shorten or simplify the words.
#8: "...turns the girl over." Correct structure and such, but the context makes it sound like that Trix is lying on the ground. I recommend "...turns around the girl."
#9: I am not sure what a "Pally Wine" is. My first guess is that it is Emily's staff? This may hint at parts of the setting that might be your own original touch, or it might be a bad translation. Need more information.
#10: A slight edit to Emily's reply. "...known for its curses that spread on its multiple floors." -> "...known for the curses that spread on its multiple floors." By swapping an "its" for an "the", you lower the repetition of words in the sentence. That gives it a more natural flow.
#11: "...to facilitate the recognition..." could be simplified as "to facilitate recognition." Honestly, this one works either way. You could use the longer and more verbose wording for Emily's dialogue, to help set her dialogue apart from other characters. Basically, don't always use my advice if you think that it isn't right for someone.
#12: This one just needs clarification for me. "...Desire's Level is the first where people get excited quickly." My understanding of the conversation is that Desire's Level is the first set of floors, so using "the first where people get excited quickly" doesn't make sense - it doesn't have a preceding level. Depending on what you meant, elaboration or removing some dialogue would be needed.
#13: The dialogue concerning the Giant Limbs Level is alright. My concern is with Emily herself: Is she a shy person regarding sexuality, or likes using fancier words? It is important that dialogue reflects a person's mindset. I haven't ventured much into the game yet, but the thought occurred to me that she might be interchangeable with other characters. She might simply be a balanced person? Anyhow, if she has a technical approach, she would use "breast" and "genitals" (which applies to both genders. If she is shy, she would may be reluctant to talk about the subject matter.
#14: "YOU SHOULD LEARN WITH HER!" Technically correct, but it is more natural to say "YOU SHOULD LEARN FROM HER!"
#15 "Horny Tower entrance has weaker bees than those on the other side of the river." -> "The Horny Tower entrance has weaker bees than those on the other side of the river." This makes it more natural.
#16: Just a gameplay recommendation. When a character levels up, their HP and MP should be fully recovered. This allows for quicker grinding, especially when trying to get permission for the tower.
#17: When speaking with Rosie, she says "TAKE THIS ARMOR!" That implies she is either trying to give armor to Trix, or that she is attacking the armor. In the latter case, I recommend "TAKE THIS, ARMOR!", with her hitting it. Mind, I don't think she would use a kitchen knife. If you change the counter to have a pot of boiling food, she could hit Trix's armor with a large spoon. Alternatively, Rosie could say "TAKE OFF THAT ARMOR!", with predictable results.
#18: The Toy Ring, Common Ring, and Angel Necklace all have the same stats.
#19: When entering the save/load menu, it defaults to the autosave. I think it will be safer and more convenient to default with the last manual save.
#20: While trying to enter the school house at night, the dialogue reads "door closed". It would be nicer as "This door is locked..."
Thank you for your patience and another amazing feedback, Sabin! It's really hard for people how don't have English as the first language to understand what is contextually more common. Based on your feedback, I'm examining all texts that I have written until now, and rewriting what I think can be improved! In the new version, I'll implement your suggestions and I hope it’s better than the first one. Also, Atalanta is a common class in RPG (I was inspired by Priston Tale) and Bombardier is a class that I created in the game's lore. I'll keep an eye on it to see if that needs to be changed. Thank you again!