Post by Ran d'Reille in Melody's Nightmare comments

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On my first playthrough I forgot that I could shoot lol - and played it thinking it were the same as the other game.

Then I discovered I could attack and... this one is epic. I really like it. I thought it was quite silly at first; but when the crows start surrounding me and it turns into a full blown proper boss fight I was very engaged. Very well done.

The writing tho... I think the way you present the ending can have some improvements XD - the dialogue doesn't quite flow very well imho. Unfortunately I am not a writer myself so idk how it should be improved.

ShibeyFaceGames6 years ago

Thanks for playing, glad you enjoyed it!

You're not wrong about the writing. I'm not really a writer either, but the first step to improving it would probably be not writing it all 30 mins before the deadline. The entire end slide (art and all) was made around noon before it was due, so there was definitely a rushed aspect to it. When my games were less story-focused and more silly, it was easier to slam out a fast goofy ending. It's a bit harder now!

I should probably go back sometime and do a full rewrite-pass on my old games. Though I'd probably have to bow out of making anything new for awhile. Just don't have the time for both. ;-;

ShibeyFaceGames6 years ago

Hey there, thanks again for your feedback! It kicked me into gear, and I completely overhauled the ending. More art cards, and I re-wrote nearly all the text. Hopefully for the better, haha.

If you get a chance to play it again, let me know what you think!

Ran d'Reille6 years ago (19 edits)

Yo, I'm late, but I finally had some time to try it out.

I must say it's become much much better. It really has become much more natural. The narrator has made the ending proper short story. Melody is more confused compared to the previous one, just like how she should be in that situation - and in the previous version I couldn't really catch exactly why the warlock was messing with Melody's dream. I can see that you have personified Melody into a proper character. Also unless the warlock is going to disappear after this game, you can add some more personality to him too.

Also for later games, since you are using the same characters and the same universe for all your games, idk if you have done this or not, but if not, you might want to start a proper worldbuilding - develop your universe, how exactly does your world look like, where it exactly is, the cities and landscape, the backstory (how exactly your world came to be), and stuffs (Some questions I have that might help/point possible plot holes: Is your universe set in the 'real world' or fantasy/parallel world? If this is in completely fantasy world, why was there Indonesian wayang in one of your games? What are some entities (organizations/groups/governments) driving the story in your world?); and also proper characterizations - developing your characters one by one, adding proper backstory, more coherent personality, motives, some (traumatic) events that shape your characters' personalities, their relationships with each other, etc. and make them more realistic - especially for Jammie (A question to help: Why exactly did Jammie learn witchcraft?). May also want to add a proper main villain to drive the story in some major games. Dunno how accurate or helpful those suggestions are, since I'm coming from a perspective that love lore heavy JRPGs - might be not what you're aiming for, but I think making a proper, coherent, consistent, believable world and characters should be a must at some point as you expand and expand the series before the lore becomes a jumbled mess at some point - especially if you plan to make a bigger game beyond minigames for Weekly Game Jam someday. Obviously you don't have to (or should I say, shouldn't) info dump the player with all of them once you have properly developed them in the next game and instead reveal what you've developed little by little, but well... I think you should develop them.

P.S.: Whoops... I got carried away keeping editing this comment lol. I didn't realize I had written a hell lot XD - take my suggestions with a grain of salt; me an amateur myself in writing; in fact I have only begun learning some writing related stuffs two months ago...

ShibeyFaceGames6 years ago

Hey Ran, thanks so much for taking the time to try it again, and all your support! It means a lot to me, I really appreciate it. :) Also, thanks for the long and thoughtful response!! Here's a long reply, haha.

I'm definitely sitting in a strange place with these games now. I started doing WGJs to give myself solid deadlines and goals, initially not worrying about character, storyline, etc. Then, as I quickly started reusing Jammie as the focus of each game, I also added the ongoing narrative. It was mostly an experiment to see if I could continue to tie all these different themes into an ongoing series. This does bring me to the question... should I build this out, or should I save that energy for a project that was intended to be a full game? I have several ideas I've been sitting on for a long time that are already way more fleshed out. (Also, "JAM-mie" is literally my game jam witch, not sure if she was meant for the outside world with such a goofy name, haha)

I'm not sure I have a good answer yet. I really enjoy making these short games, but do think about my bigger project ideas. My current setup is a compromise of sorts, keeping things fast and ever-changing. but also holding them together with the story threads.

Working on a bigger project may be difficult with my busy work/life schedule. But at the same time, stepping away from game jams might be good too, as I've had several Wednesday nights with sacrificed sleep, trying to get the games done on time. I was lucky enough on this game to have a vacation day that I needed to use or lose, so I spent Thursday morning hammering this out. I also have several huge freelance projects lined up, so when those finally hit, I'll probably be out of game-making commission for awhile. But I'll keep up with the community and see what cool projects are being made! Might be a good time for a little Itch house-keeping too... cleaning up my page, adding videos, art etc.

No matter which way I decide to go, I won't be abandoning Jammie and friends. I have to at least conclude the events that started on the Mistwood Rails. I owe the series that much. But regardless of what comes next, I hope you stick around and continue to check out my work!

(PS: If you are invested in the series, not sure if you checked out Mariel's First Day or not, but it's more important to the current story than it may seem at first. Directly links into "Mistwood Rail Incident" and "Where's My Cake!?")

Ran d'Reille6 years ago

Well whether you're going to make a bigger proper game or not is your choice.

I wouldn't call myself invested per se... It's just interesting to see someone that is consistent in participating in the WGJ that uses the same characters every time as if it were going to take off one day. I just feel like being helpful to someone who is also a beginning game developer with passion.

I did check your previous game by the way; just that I didn't know what to comment about XD

Anyway keep up the good work.

itch.io

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