Yo, I'm late, but I finally had some time to try it out.
I must say it's become much much better. It really has become much more natural. The narrator has made the ending proper short story. Melody is more confused compared to the previous one, just like how she should be in that situation - and in the previous version I couldn't really catch exactly why the warlock was messing with Melody's dream. I can see that you have personified Melody into a proper character. Also unless the warlock is going to disappear after this game, you can add some more personality to him too.
Also for later games, since you are using the same characters and the same universe for all your games, idk if you have done this or not, but if not, you might want to start a proper worldbuilding - develop your universe, how exactly does your world look like, where it exactly is, the cities and landscape, the backstory (how exactly your world came to be), and stuffs (Some questions I have that might help/point possible plot holes: Is your universe set in the 'real world' or fantasy/parallel world? If this is in completely fantasy world, why was there Indonesian wayang in one of your games? What are some entities (organizations/groups/governments) driving the story in your world?); and also proper characterizations - developing your characters one by one, adding proper backstory, more coherent personality, motives, some (traumatic) events that shape your characters' personalities, their relationships with each other, etc. and make them more realistic - especially for Jammie (A question to help: Why exactly did Jammie learn witchcraft?). May also want to add a proper main villain to drive the story in some major games. Dunno how accurate or helpful those suggestions are, since I'm coming from a perspective that love lore heavy JRPGs - might be not what you're aiming for, but I think making a proper, coherent, consistent, believable world and characters should be a must at some point as you expand and expand the series before the lore becomes a jumbled mess at some point - especially if you plan to make a bigger game beyond minigames for Weekly Game Jam someday. Obviously you don't have to (or should I say, shouldn't) info dump the player with all of them once you have properly developed them in the next game and instead reveal what you've developed little by little, but well... I think you should develop them.
P.S.: Whoops... I got carried away keeping editing this comment lol. I didn't realize I had written a hell lot XD - take my suggestions with a grain of salt; me an amateur myself in writing; in fact I have only begun learning some writing related stuffs two months ago...