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A jam submission

Vampire HunterView game page

A short horror Visual Novel about a vampire lord's struggle for survival.
Submitted by RizVN (@rizvn_official) — 10 hours, 55 minutes before the deadline
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Vampire Hunter's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Horror#162.4092.625
Story#172.7533.000
Theme#173.2123.500
Presentation#202.5242.750
Gameplay#212.1792.375
Creativity#222.4092.625
Overall#222.5812.813

Ranked from 9 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

How did you choose to implement the Theme: Thirst for Blood in your game?
The main character is a vampire and his vampiric nature occasionally awakens and leads him to go berserk.

In this game (visual novel), it's implemented in choices the player can select to read different story branches.

Did you implement any of the optional Bonus Challenges, and if so, which ones?
I think I implemented the first and second challenges.
For the third challenge, blood is part of the story and visual, but I'm honestly not sure.

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

The writing could have used another read through, as I found there to be many repeating sentiments throughout the dialogue that padded out the experience more then necessary. There's only so many times I can read and see the words moon and blood before it gets repetitive. Likewise, there is dialogue that serves to just be a repeat on what was said just before, making it redundant. Both of these together end up creating a lot of telling, but not a lot of showing.

But hey, you made a visual novel with multiple branches. That's still something to be proud of, just need to edit the script some more.

Developer (1 edit)

You raise a very good point. I'll be careful from now on with the script and playtest. I might have missed that lesson since I rarely update the game anymore if not for you, so thank you

Jam HostSubmitted(+1)

The inconsistent art styles really broke immersion for me. There was a lot of reading and this is not a format where I can enjoy it like I would with a real book. I suggest a more abbreviated story to complement this visual novel approach. Adding more choices, even if it only gives the illusion of choice, would keep me more engaged. Logical puzzles would be a lot of fun. Even roleplaying and just including the possibility of strategy would be helpful. A positive ending can only be valued when its weighed against the challenges it took to get there.

Developer

Yes, aside from artstyle, more choices and more dialogues appear to be a consistent feedback I'm getting also. I focused on monologues to highlight the character's internal struggle instead of dialogues that highlight events, but it seems I've overdone it to the point you've lost engagement.


I'll take your feedback for consideration. Thank you, I'll try to do better next time

Jam HostSubmitted(+1)

Per my son, "My suggestion would be to add more choice boxes so you can choose what to do (you need to add more). Creativity, there are too many vampires in the jam. Presentation: the menu needs to be made more cool. The theme: do something different. Most of these games were about vampires, blood, and Shakespeare."

Developer(+1)

Right, I sometimes forget I'm not writing a normal novel, but a game where interactive choices exist and make it fun.  This is a good reminder.
A unique theme and cool menu would also help a lot to stand out and become more memorable. Thank you for the insight, I will use it well :)

Submitted(+1)

Even though I'm not into visual novels I liked your story. Nice writing, straight to the point. Good work.

Developer

Thank you! It's nice to hear you enjoyed this story, even more so since visual novel is not your usual cup of tea.
If you don't mind me asking, what makes you decide to give this visual novel a try?

Submitted(+1)

I liked the cover and the back corridor of the street :)

Developer

Got it, thanks for telling me :)

Submitted (1 edit) (+1)

A straightforward vampiric visual novel, with many endings from branching dialogue choices. I was actually surprised by how long some of the routes went and was particularly interested in how many moral dilemmas it offered in order to challenge the player. I do believe the mixed-media art styles took me a bit out of the game, as well as the very energetic almost futuristic music in the main gameplay area seemed off-vibe, but ultimately this was still a good job that some people will still enjoy.  If the creator decides to do a sequel/spin off like they mentioned, there is a bit of world-building and lore that could be interesting to play off of. I personally preferred the more ominous bad ending routes to the neutral and happier ones, as the moral complexities tended to shine best when something bad was occurring or having of already occurred (i.e. the long neutral and bad end with Elizabeth.) I did not particularly like the bite ending though, as the automatic death in it with no option to try to stop your character was a bit dark. Credit due where credit is due though, as the author is afraid to shy away from character death and villain arcs. 

It is also notable that while many of the games I've rated so far were done by teams, this one appears to have been done by a solo dev, so that's pretty cool! Keep up the good work, and have fun making games!

Developer

Wow, this is such a great feedback. You didn't just tell me what is good or bad, you even told me what you felt, on top of being able to explain why it felt that way to you. This is very helpful, thank you.
I have written about 6k words combined for 2 branches in which either Elizabeth or Damian is the protagonist. But I noticed several glaring weaknesses in my writing especially when writing flashbacks (I had a hard time applying the golden rule of writing, "Show, don't tell", with flashbacks. For now, at least). So either I level up my skill first or find a better way to write.
Either way, sequels/spin-offs might be a way off, but I'm confident I can fix the bite ending, music choice, and several other points as per your suggestion pretty soon, so thank you :)

Thank you for the encouragement also. I hope the same goes for you. Keep up the good work and have fun making games!