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How to Mummy: Take lamp, wrap in bacon, mummy.


You need human flesh/organ to start (ie: the eye). Tho I guess if you're talking literal pork bacon, you could have an inside-out pig mummy on your hands. Do give me any ideas!! hehe


There are 6 things with which you can build anything. Staples, paperclips, gorilla tape, gorilla glue, aluminum foil and bacon. Want a new Taj Mahal? Yours. Want to build your own great Egyptian tomb? Use the previous building materials up to tin foil and use the bacon to bribe the workers that hold whole sections of slums together - Rats and Cockroaches. There ya go. Need to replace some body parts? Gorilla Glue the bacon into the missing part as a organ replacement/skin graft, use paperclips for sutures, Staple a layer of tinfoil on top and seal that puppy shut with Gorilla tape for good measure.

Pigs are used as organ donors for humans since they're very close to us genetically, so bacon is sure to cure what ails! If there's any part that needs any sort of reinforcement, by gods, just slap some JB Weld to the weak point and you've got yourself an always perfect, can't mess up, repair :-D

Disclaimer: These statements have not been tested or endorsed by the FDA. Any claims mentioned above may or my not work with mummy anatomy. YMMV

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When I get a cut, especially big gashes, I lay some bacon strips over it and wrap it in aluminum foil, then staple it shut. I'm not a doctor but my imaginary cat is a general practitioner and it's worked every time so far.