This is quite a lot.
I could make a bigger text box just for the transformation scenes since, wow, there is a lot more here than anyone else has been writing, but it's really good stuff. One thing I would say is maybe some dialogue or internal monologue would be nice, as it would give a better image to the player of her mental changes and how she feels about this.
But honestly, this is quite above and beyond what I was expecting. Good work!
I suppose the question then is do we want to trim it down so it's more in-line with the rest of the game, but have tranformations/sex-scenes be special occasions with more text?