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I am 17 years old almost 18. I have dealt with suicidal thoughts since I could remember. I always thought I was a burden and that any misfortune that fell on my mom was my fault. I got sexually abused when was 4 by cousin of my stepdad. Then when I was 15 up until I was 16 by my stepdad who I had know all my life and considered my father. When I finally told my mom, everything that I held in and ignored came out. My thoughts of suicide became so loud that I could not ignore anymore. And at times everything becomes too much for me that I can't function normally. And I wish I could reach out to my mom but she has so much on her plate that have to comfort myself. If I ever have anxiety or a panic attack I calm myself down. But it always comes back without fail. No matter how much I want to end it I remind myself how selfish I am. And although I feel guilt and shame for having those thoughts I have stay for my mom who has been through so much for me. But I unfortunately feel so alone.

 It was so beautiful and I has struck a chord within me. I am very thankful for this game.

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Ive had suicidal thoughts for awile now to, crying myself to sleep thinking about where ill end up, never really believed in god, but we all end up somewhere, whether it be a good job, or all over a sidewalk next to a building. But i have things in my life to keep me here, a caring bf and a stable family and life. Well im shaking because this is a sensitive topic for me and 1 of the 3 things that make me cry emotionally, so i hope your life gets better, and you dont end up like me, someone who wants to die, but is to scared to slide the knife.

I know it can be painful to live because we may be anchored by external forces. I used to think that the love people gave me is something bad and that they should stop giving me so much love so I can finally get rid of myself. 

Honestly, I still suffer from suicidal ideation and it takes me awhile before I can get back up.

But right now, I think I was wrong for convicting the love that people gave me. It's something they so openly gave and yet I kept thinking that it was nothing but a hindrance to my permanent rest and bliss. I still do want some rest but I think I've learned that I don't need to be gone so soon.

There's still a lot of things I want to learn, so many things I want to try to do once I'm better, so many stories I want to know, and so many things I want to create. These things I lose sight of when I'm back in that really dark abyss of self-loathing but time and time again the bonds that I have helped me remember. These bonds aren't exclusive to family and friends as well. There's much media I've consumed that helped on keeping me alive. I'm hoping that the stuff I make is something that can do that as well.

When you're having a hard time, I hope you give yourself more time to appreciate how far you've come and the people you cherish. I hope that you're able to find inner peace or at least find enough love and determination to keep going forward.

How are you now? 

I think I know how you feel when it comes to not being able to open up to others knowing that they're already struggling with their own problems. You have to learn how to deal with yourself and whatever's bringing you down. It's hard and it takes a lot of courage to keep going. I hope that you're doing better now and that you're able to say the things you want to say to the people important to you. 

Honestly, I think I've come to terms knowing that my depression will never really be gone. I don't think it'll be completely gone for anyone as well. Now it's just a matter of learning how to live with it and finding the things that give me life. Finding things that make me love myself again is something I'm trying my best to do everyday.

A lot of times I can't do this on my own and I am lucky to have friends and family. Not everyone is as fortunate. I hope that this past year you were able to healthily deal with loneliness, love yourself, and even gain more fruitful relationships that help you as a person.

Thank you for playing the game and I wish you the best.