Well, that is quite the question
All LoveDolls (blue mice, purple bears, and humans in suits not withstanding) are around the same height of around 11-12 feet tall. Jerri is roughly 6-foot. Teddibear is marginally taller than the rest standing at about 13-15 feet tall (around the same height as a Rogal Dorn heavy tank, just in case the Imperium finally listens to my radio calls and squishes Impuro). And as for Creepi... It's complicated, one thing you'd learn fairly quickly when actually analyzing the Gremlin-verse is how nothing makes sense and that only consistent thing is its inconsistency. In one image I tried using Caitlyn as a base-average height for the Impurified, but in another image she's shorter. I'm single-handedly keeping Tylenol in business with how many headaches this caused me.
ANYWAYS! As for their weight, it's a lot more simple to calculate, Jerri ways the same as the average adult man (190 lbs), as for Teddi-n-the bunch, I decided to go with the rather conservative estimate of 1000+ lbs (notice how Teddi is twice Jerri's height yet her weight is more than twice? That's because of something something, square cube law. Realistically, everyone except for Jerri would collapse under their own weight and would be entirely immobile for long periods of time. If you ever get in a fight with Teddibear, just poke her in the legs with a stick and she'll be stuck on the floor for the next 3-5 hours.)
How did I get these numbers? Math, lots of math. I'm one of those weirdos who likes math. DON'T JUDGE ME!
As for the second question, I must say that LoveDolls/Cryptids/Impure Creatures/Hood-Gals are a mix of all three, paranormal, technological, and biological. All four types are made entirely of Impuro's energy, an inherently paranormal substance that I suspect requires nutrients to survive like human cells (In one image Bratti can be seen eating a popsicle, indirectly implying that they need sustenance, like food and water, to survive. Not to mention (as you said earlier) they can drool, adding to the idea that they have a digestive system. Impure Creatures specifically digest sperm for nutrients (sperm barely has any, by the way. Might I suggest blood? For efficiency's sake?) in order to reproduce asexually (They bud off a parent, by a textbook definition, they reproduce asexually). The Technological claim might be a bit of reach, even by my standards, but hear me out. Security has a light-bulb on the top of her large forehead, and, in a singular image, it lights up when exited. This implies that Impure energy is able to both interface with technology, and transmit/receive electrical signals like a human neuron, albeit heavily amplified to allow for enough voltage to power the bulb in the first place.
Decided to split this up into a separate paragraphs, here is when I enter my mad-scientist arc.
Technically, with Impure energy being technological, this means someone, anyone, can purchase a doll only to experiment on them for the greater good. I could throw one into a blender, and then turn the stringy fibers that come out of it into thread, then weave that thread to form a new, better electrical system, a system cheaper than copper, a system that can withstand higher voltages without blowing up. What if I go further, as every good dictator knows, the moment something new pops up, the first thing you have to do is weaponize it. I could kidnap one singular Impure creature and then place them in a cage, sacrifice someone to it and now I have two creatures. I then take the "child" and give it a controlled shock to wipe it clean. Since the LoveDoll manufacturing process involves imprinting a new personality, likes, and dislikes onto a fresh canvas, I say we copy that, imprint our own programming onto our new war-bots, a programming severed from Impuro's grasp, a programming loyal to the dictator and their republic. Chop off those useless stubs they call "hands" and replace them with new ones, ones capable of gripping a weapon. We cover the thing a new metallic shell capable of deflecting small arms fire. If your budget is adequate, we can even attach radios to them, allowing them to coordinate strikes, pushes, and retreats at scales previously thought infeasible. Since we only need one creature to create thousands, that means we can have a theoretically infinite armada of war-bots ready to serve under our new empire. From here we can either sell these bots and become rich, or we can use them for ourselves, taking over country after country until Impuro herself is trembling under our imperial might!
Phew! That was a mouthful. I cannot answer on personalities though, I'm bad at analyzing that.
EDIT: Fixed the numbers
EDIT 2: As for your 3rd question... Do you even know what you're talking about? LoveDolls are creations of Impuro, a god responsible for literal fucking genocide, call me doll-ist all you want, but I think there isn't a singular wholesome bone in their body.
Don’t worry, I’m a math nerd too. And thank you for answering my inquiries.
Edit: Comment: I don’t think them being 1000 pounds is too much of a problem as that’s about the average weight of a horse, so, as seen with Catti, them being able to run is not implausible. Additionally, there is a genetic mutation in real life, which causes the body to stop producing a protein called myostatin a muscle growth regulator, causing myostatin-related muscle hypertrophy. Search up “double muscled cows” to see what I mean. Even gene therapy to purposely cause this mutation is available today. (They’re literal muscle mommies)
Edit2: An addition to my previous comment: You may know that our brains won’t allow our muscles to use their full strength, because if it did, us tearing ourselves apart would be a real risk. The average person has their limit between 10 and 15% of their true strength, while a professional boxer has trained this limit up to 35% of their full strength, or in the case of high stress situations there have been stories of “hysterical strength” where the body simply ignores these limits. Due to these characters being manufactured/possessed it is entirely possible that their muscular limit is coded to be far higher.
Edit3: Final note: This is assuming that their biology is even human adjacent. It is entirely possible that they could be using something more efficient which may be found in other animals like elephant muscles for their ability to bear and lift heavy loads, the pistol shrimp and mantis shrimp for strike strength, saltwater crocodile for bite force, electric eel for electricity like you were talking about before, ability to hibernate to conserve energy, the ability to draw energy/resources in unconventional ways or from unconventional sources, simply using the same amount of resources more efficiently, etc. Although we’ve been championing AI and machines, biology still is far more efficient/superior in nearly every way.
I know that they fesibly walk, my issue was with them walking on two feet, considering their top-heavy frames, not only will their backs be pulverized due to the gravitational pull of [Planet Name] and the size of their stuff. Not to mention, the center of gravity for most Lovedolls (excluding Jerri and Bratti) is fucked, being higher than it reasonably should be. Hoppi would fare better in this regard, but would still have difficulty standing upright. Horses are quadrupedal for a reason. And even then, they would still have trouble moving with any efficiency at all. (To further add to my point, some people, in real life, get breast-reduction surgery to make movement less cumbersome). In most cases I can only see LoveDolls moving on all fours with heavy difficulties. Making them muscle-mommies (I just felt 5-brain-cells die when I was typing that) doesn't help either, because it increases their weight while not fixing the center-of-mass problem. Just like us humans evolved to become bipedal, losing the ability to walk on 4-legs, I fear that the same has happened to Impuro's subjects, rendering them immobile once more.
Upon retrospect, it's a miracle Impuro's cult hasn't died already, the bulk of their armed forces consists of braindead rabbits incapable of handling moderately complex instructions, their tank-units (LoveDolls) and practically immobile, unable to pull off the high-speed maneuvers promised, their elite hood-gals are more concerned about what Mage is doing than actually ensuring their seat-of-power is actually stable. In my numerous battle-simulations (aka, me, a grown ass man, playing with army-men and Warhammer miniatures while making gun sounds with my mouth, I'm aware how pathetic that sounds.) with these new variables. I have concluded that all it takes to usurp Impuro's throne is 100 or so under-funded malitia-men and women (mostly from labor unions, conservative groups, and other people who don't like the idea of being some decadent god's chew-toy.) all armed with rifles and tractors. Either that, or 2 Russian teenagers armed with a log. During my short time in the discord server, I find frankly humorous that they like portraying the cult as a bastion of strength only the SCP-foundation could defeat, even though there are trees more threatening than the cult when you at it through a strictly pragmatic lense. I'd often get comments about how "no one can resist their charm" when making this claim, but people get desensitized to boobies over time (I would know because it happened to me, thus starting my war against Impuro because I actually sat down and realized how pathetic I am, before ultimately deciding to double down and become even more pathetic by making these stupid posts over-analyzing porn. Brains are stupid. Mine especially) meaning that their seductions would eventually land on deaf ears-rendering their one true strength zilch.
Edit: I forgot to include this until after the fact, but lets entertain the idea that Impuro's units being muscle-mommies and thus retaining their mobility.
(to clarify: in these educated assumptions, I'm working with the logic that the Resistance doesn't have access to any aircraft. Because, if they did have airplanes it would stop being (somewhat) fair fights and become 1-sided massacres.)
Good news: Grab your popcorn, the fights between Impuro and the Resistance Forces are going to a be a lot more entertaining to watch, especially when the armies enter melee range of each other.
Bad news: Humans are known for their adaptability and would equip themselves with longer-range rifles, and since Impuro's army is only capable of using melee, that means that they're at the mercy of Resistance snipers and artillery, so those melee duels would stop happening fairly quickly as the Resistance works to maintain their range advantage. Catti/Bratti "cavalry units" could offset this by a little, but if the Resistance is smart and fortifies with barbed wire, those units will get tangled and slowed to a crawl.
EDIT 2: In short (still assuming aircraft don't exist), any combat between Resistance armies and Impuro would quickly devolve into trench-warfare and attrition until a major breakthrough occurs.
Also, something I should’ve wrote in my previous reply is that I believe that your height estimation for them is incorrect being far to tall than how they are represented in the game. Teddy in the first camera we can see that the refrigerator is about chest height for her, and assuming that the refrigerator is 6 feet tall, her height would be about 9 feet (about the average height of an elephant)
This height also makes more sense once we look at other situations:
-Same chest-hight situation happens when she’s leaning against the wall in the room adjacent to the office hallway with the lockers
-Her while slightly bent over in the break-room, still having the water dispenser be at only her neck height.
-Her standing next to tables, the table-tops are at knee height, while, at least for me, the table top is at a height of mid-thigh.
-Looking at her through the door frame (door frames being about 6.5-7 feet tall) when she arrives at the office being slightly taller than said frame even while bending over.
Edit: It must be noted that, even though comparing her height to the door frames in the cameras may seem inconsistent, it actually isn’t, because there seems to be two types of door frames in this game: the classic small rectangular personnel door frames, and the larger, more square, factory door frames. This difference is most apparent when you look at “[CAM7A] Entrance Lobby 1” camera.
As I said earlier, the only thing consistent about the Gremlin-verse is its inconsistencies.
I used these two images:
When calculating height, as I feel it gives a pretty unbiased view of their height without things like perspective and posing getting in the way and making measurements difficult; Although, I can see why you chose to use the actual game for your estimates.
Edit: Especially for Teddi and Teddibear, you can see what I mean by their bodies being very unstable for general movement, with their center of mass clearly located somewhere near the chest instead of at the hips for normal humans.
Edit 2: I'm not saying that your sources are inherently worse than mine. I just personally perfer these two as they appear more reliable and easy. The only way we'll know the heights for sure is by asking the big-man himself...
OI, GLACIER, HOW TALL ARE THESE BLOODY DOLLS!
Assuming that they have a human density (65 lb/ft^3)
And take a human of a roughly proportional size (260 lb, 5’9” or 5.75 ft)
Calculate the volume of the human:
260 lb
—————— = 4 ft^3
65 lb/ft^3
We will assume the shape of the human to be a cylinder and solve the radius:
V = h * pi * r^2
(V/(h*pi))^1/2 = r
r = 0.47
(I know this looks like a weird number, but you gotta remember that we are not taking into account empty space and round edges)
We proportionately increase both height and radius until we reach about 9 feet of height:
9 ft
——— = 1.565
5.75ft
0.47 * 1.565 = 0.736
We solve for the volume for the upscaled cylinder:
V = h * pi * r^2
V = 15.3
And then finally the weight:
15.3 * 65 = 996.7 lb
For reference, the heaviest man in the world, Jon Brower Minnoch (1941-1983), weighing in at 1400 lb, 6’1”.
Edit: There were plenty of animals which both were bipetal and weighed over 1000 pounds, but are now extinct, like the T-Rex or the elephant birds of Madagascar.
Edit2: Disclaimer: this makes the following assumptions:
-That the human and Teddi are proportionately accurate
-That the ratio among organs, fat, muscle, bone, etc. are likewise remains proportional.
-What Teddi is made of is even human proportional begin with.
Edit3: center of mass concern critique: though yes they do have a larger… *cough* chest… than normal, it’s important to consider the fact that:
1. Their legs are still FAR bigger than their chest, so if the center of mass were to raise, it wouldn’t raise that far.
& 2. The material which they are made of and the densities there of:
Air (lungs): 0.075 lb/ft^3
Fat: 57 lb/ft^3
Milk: 64 lb/ft^3
Muscle: 66 lb/ft^3
Bone: 120 lb/ft^3
So given the fact that the chest contains more of the first two and with legs the latter. The fact that center of mass would be issue, is unlikely. They just need strong back muscles, which I’m sure they’ve already developed from their “activities”.
I stand corrected.
But, even then, this still doesn't compensate for their uneven weight distribution and how their... err cup-size makes general movement cumbersome and difficult. I guess the supernatural part of their biology includes Mary Sue black-magic.
Tangent 1: I originally said "Mary Sue black-magic" as a joke. But, after I began thinking about it, I had a rather upsetting revalation. All of the LoveDolls and cult members (excluding Jerri, Gremmi, Slick, Slug, Mage, blah-blah-blah) classify as Mary Sues.
Allow me to explain, all of them have their wants granted to them, the most challenge they face is that their victims (I'm using victims in the heaviest sense of the word. It doesn't matter how "pleasurable" it is, torture is still torture, and equally as vile) resist, and when they do face a genuine threat they somehow manage to pacify it without issue.
To use an example PID Caitlyn managed to single-handedly kill (the original text said "defeated", but we all know what he meant by that) Teddibear, the flagship of Impuro's army, with (presumably) 0 prior combat experience. And how does the greater cult react? They just impurify her, just like that, no big fight, just that.
I know you might say that their general incompetence that I pointed out earlier counts as a flaw, thus declassifying them as Mary Sues. But, saying that would make you a fool, because their incompetence needs to actually mean something, it needs to get in their way. And, as you can guess, it doesn't.
You know those wojak memes where someone is reading smut "for the plot". Well, I'm being genuine when I say I got interested in the Gremlin-verse for the plot, the porn was set-dressing to me. "A grimy, industrialist, almost Orwellian dystopia ran by a senile elder god? What isn't there to love," I thought, oblivious that this was going to be the most confusing 1-4 months of my life.
I'm still sticking around though, hopefully it will get better. Hopefully...
(Probably going to get dislike-bombed for this. But oh well, shit happens.
