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A jam submission

The Golden Razor SyndicateView project page

A Gang of Corrupt Nobles Play Vigilante at the Expence of Common Citizens.
Submitted by Azathoth [Nell Tull] — 2 days, 12 hours before the deadline

Play book

The Golden Razor Syndicate's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Darkest (How deep into the darkness of man can you go?)#73.7714.000
Most "Northern" (We're from Minnesota, it's okay.)#162.3572.500
Most Deathless (You know it when you see it.)#172.1212.250
Overall#192.4752.625
Coldest (How far below zero can you get?)#201.6501.750

Ranked from 8 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted

I could totally see this used at least as a frame of inspiration in a bigger city setting, great job. My only comment would be that it seems to have been edited a little less than your previous work, as there is a place where is says "XXX" as you probably hadn't named Reb Selamew yet. :)


Just a small thing, but a quick read through might help you tighten it up a little.

Submitted

I hate this. Everything about it, which is exactly what it should inspire, so great job!

It feels a little weird to pull modern titles into the fantasy space of Mork Borg, but this really does succeed at plumbing the depths of depravity that we face in our real society, so even though reading it at first bothered me, I don't know if I can really say I would change it.

From a mechanical perspective, I think minimal stat blocks and some insight into the kinds of gadgets these guys are weilding would make it much easier to run.

Like a lot of the entries for this jam, I think the one page constraint probably is at the root of these missing details.

I noticed more grammatical problems in this entry. I think giving your work a more critical eye during the editorial stage would go a long way. This might mean running it through grammar software, or reading it out loud to yourself(seriously this technique feels awkward, but damn if it doesn't work), or if this is something you struggle with maybe having someone else you trust look at it.

Submitted(+1)

Great art and an interesting story design!