Play interactive story
Clair de Lune's itch.io pageResults
Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
Narrative | #4 | 4.091 | 4.273 |
Aesthetic | #14 | 3.743 | 3.909 |
Stealth | #17 | 2.785 | 2.909 |
Horny | #22 | 3.046 | 3.182 |
Harmony | #22 | 3.220 | 3.364 |
Kink | #25 | 2.263 | 2.364 |
Overall | #25 | 2.863 | 2.990 |
Novelty | #25 | 2.872 | 3.000 |
Play | #31 | 2.437 | 2.545 |
Sound | #38 | 1.306 | 1.364 |
Ranked from 11 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Early work
I had a rough outline for the story as of February 1st, which I partially adhered to.
We've noticed there's some typos - please ignore them. I'll be updating the game to fix the typos once the judging is over.
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
man. this is really unique
i love the playing with colors and formatting
i love dog girl doing a lot of dog things, more dog things than you would usually see a full dog girl doing, and she's only a dog person girl
i love the fragility and the awkward orbiting and not knowing how to engage with someone because you're acutely aware that she is the sort of person to have very particular rules of engagement that are usually violated
the dreams hurt
i feel a lot of things now
Thank you for playing. I hope the things you are feeling are good things.
Also dog girl doing dog things warms the heart.
Preface: You played my submission, so you know exactly why I was very very intrigued and then disproportionately disappointed.
Play: It's a visual novel, so most of the commentary will be in the narrative section. I will say that the pictures threw me off- it's so rare that a Twine game has pictures that the first time I had to click on one to progress it stumped me for longer than it should have lol. But hey, pictures!
Aesthetic: I tried to play this a while ago, and it was doing some weird visual stuff that made me have to zoom out real far and then squint to properly play the game. Luckily, it seems to have been fixed! That, or my browser was just misbehaving... The art is good. It seems like all the shading was done with black, though- remember, the multiply layer is your friend! Sunny's hair looks like noodles, it makes me uncomfortable. I love how you played with color in the text itself! Twine is capable of such cool stuff that you never see done, at least not in jams, so it's nice to see someone poking around in the documentation. The dream sequence especially goes ham on the fun stuff!
Sound: There is no sound. (I ended up listening to the I Disagree album for this one... tonal dissonance much? lolol)
Narrative: The writing is a little awkward at points. Mostly it's the sentence structure that's lacking, but there's a few proper errors as well. I recommend going back and applying another layer or two of polish, really get in there and fine-tune it. In addition, there were some perplexing decisions- it's cliche advice, but instead of telling us what Belle tried to say, show us that she's doing her best but can't word it write by writing out the dialogue! It'll feel more natural, more like a story than a summary, and help the characters develop even better. Technical complaint aside, the content is incredible. I like how you leaned into the dog-girl trope when writing Sunny, it's a very good source of comedy. The story itself is incredibly heartfelt, I can tell you tapped into a lot of genuine emotions for the heavy parts. It's very long! This is an impressive amount of content for a jam game, although I suppose you did have the advantage of having the writing be, like, 90% of the content lol.
Horny: Horny with heart.
Kink: Half-furries get a half-complaint, as is policy.
Stealth: High points because you might not expect explicit content going in if you didn't bother to read the page, but also because you might forget (as I did) that this is an adult game and not just a really good lgbt twine story.
Harmony and Novelty: There's pictures! You use the functionality of twine very well, and you stretch its visual capabilities further than most people want to bother with. I especially like the use of links that reveal more of the current passage instead of just links that bring you to the next passage. They're really useful for pacing, and criminally underutilized.
Final Thoughts: that one goddamn link. many bonus points that are immediately taken away. diabolical
Real Final Thoughts: Bravo, you showed the rest of us who's boss in terms of writing. I would definitely call this one of the best games to come out of this jam, it's sad people don't seem to be paying attention to it. Maybe a title on the thumbnail or a little more detail in the description would bring more eyes in?
Final Final Thoughts: twitter dot com
thanks for the comprehensive review!! i really appreciate all of the kind words. :) so so kind that even the critiques don't feel so bad. sorry to disappoint wrt your preface, though.
there will probably be another update with more dream sequences and drawings, revisions to some of the things that were added last minute, and i'll definitely take your thoughts into account.
it would be really cool to add music!! but there's not really a built in way to do that in twine so far. my thoughts were to do something with debussy's suite bergamasque (where the clair de lune movement comes from), maybe make electronic arrangements/variations and then host it online somewhere as a playlist so the twine could link to it and it can play in the background. but i definitely did not have time to set that up during the jam, so we'll just have to wait and see if i'm motivated to do any of that now that it's wrapped up. thanks again!
'No sound' was more of an observation than anything else lol. I don't know anything about music in twines, although I bet a lot of people have tried various methods. The background playlist method would be my go-to, or just link directly to a recording on YT as 'recommended listening material', but there might be more inventive ways. Maybe look into SCM Music Player- I have absolutely no idea how it would work within Twine, but I used it a couple times for my website. It might work if finagled into the itch.io gamepage?
Uh...wow. Reading this opened up an awful lot of emotions. It's really sweet and nice and I'm glad it had a nice ending. Thank you so much for writing it.
thank you for reading :)
I'm glad that you liked, thank you for reading!
The illustrations style is cute and fits the narrative nicely. The writing is action centric and makes good use of the engine. I'm awarding bonus points in the sound category for the unapologetic jumpscare meme.Thank you. I'm happy that you liked, and thanks for the bonus points.
yes, thanks for the sound bonus points
everyone else seems mad at me for that