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A jam submission

Another Glorious Day in the HiveView project page

Two Alien Lords attempt to terraform a frosty world.
Submitted by RatchetMechani — 9 hours, 51 minutes before the deadline
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Another Glorious Day in the Hive's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Concepts & Originality#133.9583.958
Adherence to Theme#173.5003.500
Overall#203.6253.625
Flow & Clarity#233.4173.417

Ranked from 24 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

The writing has a lot of promise, but I picked up a handful of nitpicks like sound "appearing" or the pacing of dialog jumping around a bit much. Still, a unique story about an underappreciated faction fitting right in with the GF universe, keep at it!

Submitted(+1)

A great story, told from a unique angle whilst subtlety aligning to the theme superbly. Very well done!

Submitted(+1)

Really unique read Thank you.

Submitted(+2)

This is one of those 'peek behind the curtain' story about the people behind the clashes of the tabletop game.

Loved it, the history and relationship between the two characters is believable and entertaining. 

Submitted(+2)

I like this one a lot, it felt like if the higher levels of government in Star Ship Troopers was a weekly procedural drama with cliffhangers.

Submitted(+2)

Nice work! The story was interesting, on theme, and had quite enjoyable characterization and banter between the two lead characters. My only real critique is that there are a few grammar issues and shifts between past, present, and future tense throughout the story, which effects the flow of the narrative. However, that should be fixable with a quick editing pass.

Submitted(+2)

Oof I like this one. All I can really say is that it was a great action packed one. The dialogue was great, and felt natural and flowing, plus you had some great lines of prose in there. 

Speaking of lines, I love the ones that just hit hard, and none hit harder than: " A horrific beauty left in its wake, a statue of earth and steel." Far out, what a line. Metaphors like that really tell the reader what's happening, both in the literal sense and in how the characters are feeling at this time. Fantastic!

Submitted(+1)

Seconding this, loved that line.

Submitted(+1)

Just like Medlock said, the story has a unique perspective. There are a few working points though. Some sentences feel like they end too soon, without relaying all the information they had to relay. 

Keep writing and iron your style out! Good job!

Submitted(+1)

Very unique perspective. I enjoyed it.