It has a solid foundation, it needs a lot of improvement on grammar but I give that a free pass cause I'm in it for passionate creators.

As long as you have good passionate writing and care about how the story will go I will support them all the way.

For one, I would like the story to  be better represented in such a way that the people who would play it would understand the MC's objectives, you know the Ultimate Psychologist, we also need a united goal so that uplifting moments of friendship are shown in the story, because all stories have some sort of friendship, a business friendship, a romantic friendship, plain ol' friendship, it's just the best way to make a story and it's not generic so don't be afraid to do that approach!

A united goal to escape, escape from an impending doom, some extra details are not really necessary but many people would start asking them if even basic common questions like "Using your phone, not checking people's body condition even as a doctor to check if they had been administered some drugs" you know just basic loopholes but hey that's extra content and you can add that if you want I don't really mind, I'm just in it for some interesting original story concepts involving the characters and this new Headmaster Eyeball Guy.

As an added note, my best tip is to not follow the example Danganronpa It's Showtime, they did it wrong because they couldn't build some basic storyline elements or make the Headmaster involve the characters more into conflicts that would make the "People playing" more involved with the characters. There was a little issue with the murder concepts for that Danganronpa too. So yeah, that's your best anti-role model I guess.