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Adventures in Tanoshii Game Demo

A topic by Dragonator created Feb 19, 2016 Views: 303 Replies: 3
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I have mustered up the courage to release a game demo for my webcomic's visual novel adaptation!

The story is about a girl named Sarah, on the right of the picture above. She dreamed all her life of magic, adventure, and excitement. One day, she dreamed of her parents, and that dream was her first step towards real adventures that await her.

It's a visual novel since that was the only easy type of game I could think of and I don't know how to make other types of games quite yet.

This is my first game/ visual novel, so any feedback on how I can improve at least the beginning.

(^O^) Congratulations on releasing! I still haven't finished or released any of my own games, so I really admire your courage.

I played through the demo of Adventures in Tanoshii and I definitely enjoyed it. The story has just the right amounts of hints in it that it keeps making me want to find out what happens next.

I'll share with you my feedback from my playthrough:

  1. Maybe there's a way to make Sarah's "disgusted" face more expressive?
  2. "After your ceremony" is used in the game, but "ceremony" on its own isn't vernacular for me (in Southeastern Ontario, we'd call it a "graduation ceremony" or "graduation")
  3. "He would look through the tax history": it's not clear who "he" is
  4. "Protecting his tail": from the story so far, I don't understand why he needs to protect his tail :)
  5. "Last time, war broke out once she died that has been lasting a thousand years.": I have trouble reading this sentence easily (its structure is complex)
  6. When Sarah encountered Blade, it wasn't clear from the start that he was a dragon
  7. Is it worth adding autosave to the demo?
  8. Some of the text has a "staccato" feel to it, and I think this can be helped by using more varied punctuation (commas, semicolons, ellipses, etc.)
Is there any particular area that had in mind for improving?

Thanks for the feedback. I hope to have these things and more changed once the full version is out. I forgot to consider the autosave thing in a demo and even forgot it existed.

:) OK, that's great to hear