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I really do like stories like this, that aren’t from the perspective of the living. Ghost stories are always inextricably tied to the living’s thoughts on the dead, but we don’t always get to see the ghost humanized very well.

I think you did a good job. The story never gets bogged down with all the concerns of mortality and ghosthood, just this particular case of ‘unfinished business’. Acceptance is the clear message being sent here. While not wholly original on its own, it’s made more impactful by Beckett’s relationship to Rhett.

The choices presented to us are fine in portraying the consequences of our rejection to move on, but I feel like they could have been a little more intentional in their mechanics to really emphasize the point. That subsequent loop option could work great in that respect. Maybe acceptance should be harder to find at first? That’s only my preference however.

In contrast, the ordering of them also feels grounded in reality. I can see Beckett having each reaction in that exact order. Each ending does have a distinct connotation that feels unique and sensitive to the topic.

While emotionally charged in nature, I never did fully become enveloped. I think the writing is partly to blame. It’s not bad at all, but does a little more telling than showing. Unfortunately, the burden of creating a full story with enough meat to supplement the writing in a slim time frame AND do everything else on top is a lot, and something I can’t spite you over. Beckett helping find the remote and trying to cook are good moments that alleviate this.

It meets the brief for the theme, even if Beckett’s ghost-ness is a little nontraditional. I fear if you did try and lean into more historical ideas of ghosts, it might’ve taken from the story so I have no complaints.

The presentation was good! A nice variety of CGs and sprites (Beckett’s design is neat), music that fits and sets the tone pretty well. The opacity and movement effects tie a nice bow on everything. Game page is fun and unique, I’m a fan.

Sick first VN submission, I’m hoping to see more from you down the line.

Fun little take on the difference in lifestyle that comes from technology use. The small age gap and larger gap in interests say a lot about each character. In spite of the brevity, you got their vibes across very well.

Wonder’s cynicism is blunted by his willingness to try the bar despite his reservations, which really helps make him likable. Mirth had me on board when he dropped a “golly gee”. The writing gets a lot across without many words, the music fits with the atmosphere and the presentation works.

The story leaves me a little empty. Again, you’ve gotten a ton of characterization across in very little time. I’m trying not to read too deeply into something you didn’t intend to make us question heavily, but it feels like a scene from a larger story we’re only getting a glimpse of. Especially with the sour interaction between Wonder and the tanuki. I’m wanting more, some sort of resolution.

Regardless of my singular qualm, I liked it. There’s no incorporation of the theme, but it seems like you knew what you wanted to make and succeeded. Well done.

The implementation of the theme is solid. You created a serviceable mythology for the blizzard that appears around the mountain and the reactions of the villagers to it. The details are interesting, but I feel like its mystique is undercut when it’s told from the perspective of the Fox. A deliberate choice I believe, to understand the setup for their dissolution of the curse at the end. However, I feel like that could have still been accomplished if we got to see and have that information fed to us through the conversation between Iseldur and the Fox.

That said, I do like the idea of the Fox being the protagonist and the unique perspective on the folklore surrounding themself, but maybe wasn’t the best choice for this particular story.

Story-wise, I like what you were going for, especially the tying in of struggling to let go seen in both characters and the family being the reason why the storm hasn’t quit. My opinion would be to have given that end section more time to breathe and play out (a full, paced conversation between the two would be a great benefit) and given more narrative weight to Iseldur’s decision at the end.

The lore does, at times, become a little too explanatory and once again undercuts any intrigue it may hold, such as the history and nature of the Fox. Other aspects feel like they’re missing an explanation. One more paragraph on the relationship between the villagers and the wolves would have helped make the foreshadowing a little more impactful.

It seems like the presentation was given the least amount of attention within the time constraint of the jam, which is understandable when you’re working on everything solo. Some variety in sprites and one or two more CGs would do wonders.

Noteworthy though, I will say the NVL mode didn’t always feel consistently used. I still can’t quite tell if it’s a vessel for flashbacks or expository narration. It has a positive impact on pacing the story, but I feel it needs a little more precision distinguishing the active experience vs the passive explanation.

The music does fit well with the writing. I don’t believe they’re tracks provided on the jam page and didn’t see any credits, is it something you made? If so, big props.

The writing is good. Some descriptions sit with themselves and meander a bit and there are one or two grammatical errors but nothing that pulled me out the story. I’ve got no complaints.

That sentiment extends to the creativity of the project as well. I feel like there are a lot of good ideas here, and some just need some more time to develop. The snowstorm, the villagers dealing with the Fox and the Fox’s struggle have some weight. It comes across like a parable in a way, just a little more focus would have made it truly strike a chord.

Overall, for your first public VN I think you’ve succeeded. I’m hoping you continue to make things and share them!

Found it, was supposed to say “foot in my mouth” instead of “her” as a metaphor. Thanks for catching that.

For sure. I always get those two confused, haha. I’m hoping to re-obtain a fresh set of eyes (or better yet, another set) to go over the entire script with a fine-tooth comb.

Glad to hear you’re enjoying it! Thanks :)

Financially? No, nothing like that is set up right now. Reading my stuff and giving feedback is support enough.

Glad you enjoyed it. Truly appreciate it :)

Think i can do something like that for the next update. Small variations in suits are planned, but i still gotta check out how i’ll implement them. Thanks for the kind words:)

Gotcha. Thanks for letting me know. Gonna upload another version for mac that doesn't have those effects. Shout if you get any more issues, appreciate it.

What sort of errors are you getting and what platform?

The presentation was really well done, from the shift in art style, tone and foreshadowing. It all lends itself well to the dark ending. I especially like the loop of returning back to the beginning, just with the added context. You guys did a good job with the time provided.

Man, the authenticity in the writing of the characters hit me in a really good way. Their relationship felt real, messy and full of so much love. Seeing it develop through the expertly done time jumps left me mourning along with everyone else at the end. Art was wonderful. The music was a pleasure to listen to. Super solid story.

This was extremely charming. The tonal shifts had me on the ropes for a bit but the comedic beats kept me hooked.

Good entry, dude, I enjoyed it.